becoming a live-in slave

Reducing the frequency of a bad thing is progress but you should think of effective solutions that will make you more in control of your addiction. Also, You have to be honest with your therapist so she can give you the appropriate help.
So @graham55, chin up! you're a man, you are worthy of dignity and respect. This is your trial in this life face it!

 

I'm just some guy on a forum who read your post so take it with a grain of salt.

If you are struggling with femdom addiction I don't think a female therapist is the best idea. It must be awkward talking about your femdom addiction to a woman who you are allowing to have influence over you and who's advice you are taking. You are sexualizing women having power, control, and influence over you. Is it really a good idea to have your therapist be a female? We seem to give reverence to doctors and anyone with a degree in the western world. A therapist in a way is a position of power. Also, women don't know shit about the male sex drive because they aren't male.

I haven't actually done heroin, but to use it as an analogy you will not get over a heroin addiction by doing it once a week. The advice to jack off to femdom porn [ or to a cam mistress] once a week [ am I correct that is her advice?] is beyond stupid to the point of I'm wondering if it's malignant.

You won't get over sex addiction in general by jacking off only twice a week. It's not the way your body works. You literally get hornier the more sex you have or the more you jack off. Your body converts testosterone to DHT when you jack off and you become hornier.

The big addition though is in your mind, and feeding that perverse unhealthy addiction will only make it stronger and it's unlikely you will only limit it to once a week. You have to completely cut it out entirely. It's a sickness a cancer or more accurately a disorder in your mind. You can not feed it! The more you do the stronger it will get. The more depraved things you do the harder it will be to become healthy. The depraved acts are like breaking down buildings and pathways in your mind and inviting in swarms of locust and pestilence. It will take time to recover and rebuild what you have destroyed, but it can be done.

Femdom is not who you are, and really not who anyone is. Those people are sick in the head. This is making you feel suicidal and horrible. Your mind is driving you to do things that cause you misery and suffering, hence the disorder. It's very hard to beat mental disorders and probably seems easier to accept the disorder and to say that is who you are, but that pathway is hell. Obviously, no one is meant to serve anyone else or be their slave. Self-harm, humiliating yourself, setting yourself up to be blackmailed[ which is probably financial domme fuckedupness] are obviously not things anyone was meant to do as they are not conducive to survival. If nuclear war broke out and the world meant back to the stone age there would be no femdom, and none of these fucked up fetishes. In that sense they are not real they are just roleplay, but they harm your mind they make you sick and obviously feel really bad. Like any mental disorder, it's really hard to stop, but I think it's very important to realize it's not who you are and that it is a world of misery.

It may help to look at these " dommes" you sexualize in another light. Right now you probably glorify them in your mind. Rather see them as the shitbags lowlife worst of mankind that they are. They are disgusting pigs that victimize and take advantage of the mentally ill, downtrodden and sick. They are not just opportunist scum who victimize for money, but many are hateful sadists as well. They expect everything to be done for them [ daddy's girls syndrome, but they hate men] and can do nothing for themselves other than a demand or if it comes to it beg]

* caution * this may cause relapse

Possibly looking at the pictures of pornstars without makeup and help you get over glorifying women in your mind. Most of what you are attracted to isn't real. It's just advertising, makeup, plastic surgery, flattering clothing, photoshop, etc

 

Your explanation of the motivation behind femdom is spot on for me. I actually never realized my addiction to self harm. But this was a huge piece of my sexual PMO lifestyle. I would seek out ways to harm myself and degrade myself because somehow the emotional and physical pain was comforting...

I’m not sure if the OP feels the same way, but if you’re anything like me, then this definitely will speak to you.

Also, thanks for reminding me (and the OP) That PMO addiction is a sickness, a mental dosorder, and my thoughts and previous actions are not really of my choosing, and it’s not who I am. I have been struggling with these sexual thoughts this week. I’ve been sober from PMO for 3 months now, but the thoughts are still with me and I still get aroused by things that I wish I didn’t. So hearing the reminder that it’s not my fault and it’s not who I am, is a really helpful reminder. This is not who I am, it’s a symptom of my disorder. Hopefully with enough help and honesty with myself, my therapist and my SAA sponsor I’ll start to mentally balance out even more.

I have a female therapist also, but I originally started with her to deal with depression and anxiety. She’s a CBT specialist. But I do agree that there’s something special about a male therapist who can understand sex addiction and the male labito. So I plan on eventually switching over to a male sex addiction specialist once my depression and anxiety starts to clear up. I do think that the OP, should consider calling a CSAT (certified sex addiction therapist) and at the very least do a phone consult and one session just to see how it can help.

I had a phone consult with a well known local CSAT and even though it’s not something can do right now, I will definitely see him when the times right because the thoughts that plague us are only really understood by a CSAT, or another sex addict. I know 100% my current female therapist has no clue what to do when I discuss my sexual thoughts with her. Like when I saw a pack of hot young teenagers walking by and I lost my mind.. lol my therapist said “hmmm, let me think about that and get Back to you.” She’s great for the CBT depression and anxiety stuff, though. So I do think specialist are important.

EDIT: oh and also, I totally agree that there’s no “managing” those illness with limited weekly access. Addiction is an all or nothing type of thing. Now with food and sex addiction, it’s in our human nature to partake in it. So for sexual addiction, we can still (eventually) participate in sex...as long as it’s healthy!!! This is an agreement we make with ourselves, our inner morals, and if we’re 100% honest with what we’re ok with we can do it. But it clearly sounds like you’re not ok with these actions, so much so you’re suicidal (I’m very familiar with feeling those way), so stoppinbit completely is necessary.

writing down what sexual acts your 100% NOT ok with. Write down what a healthy sex life looks for you, and then do things daily to work towards that sexual ideal, and stay away from anything that will lead you back to the sex acts your not ok with.

 

Don't do anything irreversible Brother!
We're here to help you. Nothing is so bad it can't get good again. Talk to somebody. I don't care who. Just talk to anybody and get professional help. We don't want to lose you.

 

Don't do it, you can heal and turn your life around

 

There is hope for everyone

 

You've only began to take action towards doing the right thing. You will get there with effort and persistence!

 

Brother @graham55, are you still with us?

 

Don't sit there alone, call someone, a friend a coworker, a family member, the police anyone. You'd be surprised. People do really want to help if given the chance. Don't sit there alone thinking of bad things, it may spiral out of control.
Anything can be fixed as long as you breath there is hope!
If you still believe in God, pray to Him. Rekindle hope in your heart.
Don't rush things change takes time.

 

No don't you fucking do it

 

You're not a p***y you are a man, if you hurt yourself you'd be running away from your problems; true courage is staying and facing the fight. Don't do IT !!!!!

 

I care that you live if no one cares in the world; i care, i don't know you but i care, you've brought tears to my eyes, and i'm not one to cry

 

we can talk in whatsapp, answer me in in your inbox !
Are you there ?

 

YOU WILL NOT DIE TODAY
You will die in your sixties surrounded with your loved ones your children and grandchildren.
You will have accomplished all your goals and dreams;
The world will be a better place because you chose to live TODAY.

 

don't you f****** go offline now!

 

Hey @graham55 I dont know if you are still there but I just want you to please take into account the effect that these fetishes are having on your decision making. It may seem like its you making the choice but it isn't, the addicted part of your brain is literally fighting the rational part of your brain to assume control, this isn't just me talking nonsense, its quantifiable science. Addiction physically changes the pathways of the brain and the only way to overcome this is through taking steps to rewire them to a healthier, more natural state.

Maybe me telling my story will help you feel less isolated. If anyone wants me to spoiler this next part please ask, but for the time being I am not ashamed to talk openly so will not add the tags.

I also struggle with femdom related fetishes induced by porn and low self esteem, except in my case it primarily manifests itself in the form of an addiction to pegging porn. The idea of watching and participating in the act is really arousing to me and I used to spend a lot of time consuming that genre of porn. It didn't matter if the content was brutal and aggressive or more "tame" (relatively speaking I mean), if it had pegging in it, I wanted it. For a long time I tried to rationalise this fetish as just being an anal fetish taken out of hand, but the reality is more disturbing; I was actively getting off not on the idea of being submissive, but on the idea of being verbally and physically degraded by a woman, of taking part in weird sex acts that are taboo and depraved. Now I'm not part of the morality police, people can do what they want in the privacy of their own bedrooms, even if I disagree with it, but the point I'm making is that this fetish was all about low self worth and esteem, manifesting itself in this weird way in much the same way similar emotions can manifest in the form of a drug addiction or in self harm. In fact, I would argue that excessive PMO is a form of self harm.

You know whats funny about all this though? I'm a 21 year old kissless virgin, who has spent almost no time pursuing women in real life or even really caring, thats the effect that porn has had on my mental state. I'm here fantasising about being fucked in the ass and verbally abused by some woman with penis envy while in reality I've never even had vanilla sex once. I'd be tempted to laugh if it wasn't so tragic.

To cut a long story short, these fetishes are just a way for our brains to "act out" or to cope with certain emotions and situations. I'm not an expert so please dont take my word as gospel, but it seems like this is your problem. The only true solution is to stop doing what the therapist tells you (I'm in agreement with the mad fapper, telling you to masturbate to this porn to somehow beat it is laughably stupid advice), and get on board with pure sexual abstinence. It will be hard, but worth it, well, well worth it.

 

Thank God your ok