TakingControlPMO

I'm 28 years old and I've watching/viewing/masturbating to porn in one form or another since I was about 11 years old. In this time I've struggled with anxiety and depression, guilt and shame, and severe loneliness. I consider all of these symptoms to be directly related to my addiction to pornography, or at the very least closely related.

A little over three years ago I quit using pornography with the help of a friend who was involved in twelve step recovery for drug addiction. Taking his advice and following his lead, I attended 12 step recovery meetings and was able to quit viewing porn and masturbating, along with abstaining from drinking alcohol and smoking pot. In that time, I was able to go back to school and complete a B.S. in Psychology with highest honors, complete a school counseling internship, meet a beautiful girl who loves me unconditionally, and overcome my fear and anxiety of engaging in sex with a real person. I've been clean from drugs and alcohol for over three years now but a little after 2 years of being clean from viewing pornography, I slipped and went back to watching porn and masturbating.

After the initial slip, my use of porn/sexual stimulating images (not porn but same effect) felt less habitual and deviant than I remembered it being in my previous struggle to quit. But, as the year went on I found myself viewing more intense porn more frequently, and for longer periods of time despite trying to manage my use and even quit. Which leads me to where I am now. It's been about a year since I slipped and went back to watching porn, and I've begun to feel the guilt and shame that goes along addiction, along with countless hours lost, a fear that I'm becoming someone I don't want to be, and a fear that I'll lose the love of my life. Needless to say I'm ready to get my life back on track and stop watching porn once and for all. (11/26/2018 @7 days clean)