Difficult Day (Day 2)

I could be off the mark, but you seem to rely on PMO and friends in the same way - both are means of trying to avoid a sense of loneliness, rejection, lack of self-love, or being at peace with yourself - maybe medicating inner brokenness (as we all do). More friends would not even cure this - you'd still be yourself at the core. One can be in a crowd of people and still feel isolated and alone, because the problem is not on the outside but on the inside. But loneliness is not the same as solitude. In loneliness we feel isolated and rejected, but in solitude, one can very well be at peace with oneself, a friend to one's self, and at one with oneself. In these times of solitude, therefore, why don't you cultivate a healthy sense of being alone - learning to love and embrace your inner life and aspirations and who you are. Then, you will be at peace whether you are with people or not with them. Also, when you engage with people/friends, you won't be reaching out for codependent relationships out of your own inner neediness, but you will be able to establish healthy, loving relationships (with others who can so engage in healthy relationships back, too) - and it will never be about the quantity but the quality of such relationships, and hopefully a life partner one day after this fashion. Prepare now for such a partner by being secure in your own solitude - only then will you be free to love another and free to receive their love, and not slavishly be needing to be loved all the time, unable to love yourself or love them back in genuine fashion. And if such a life partner never comes (which probably won't happen if you are open to love), you will still be free and one with yourself and with those other friendships and relationships in your life.