Finally Here...

Hey Guys,

It's taken many years of trying to quit and being aware of this community, but now I am ready to be an active participant and hopefully meet some cool people with a shared experience.

My big thing is DE with girls, I've had it since the very first time I had sex and always knew deep down it was because of PM. I'm ok when they use hands and mouths but intercourse requires serious concentration and fantasising, which of course isn't really a shared or particularly pleasant experience for her.

I have just started seeing a new girl and the first time we had sex I couldn't make it happen, which is weird because it was actually real lovemaking and not just sex. It made me realise that all I've ever done is just think of it as sex and now I can finally practice it as making love and there's still DE, I want to change that.

I'm happy to give myself a pass for the first time because we both had a lot of fun, she finished and she actually made me feel sexy. She went away for a week and I held off M thinking I was going to explode with her, but same again and in the end just had to finish myself off while she was holding my balls. I just felt so defeated and could see it on her face too. It's not a dealbreaker and I can see us staying together for a while, but it just felt that now was the right time to finally cut the cord with P and for this reboot M.

I should also say that a) I'm just tapering off from being on Effexor since last September, which obviously makes it a lot harder and also I was wearing condoms which are a real barrier for me. So again trying not to be too hard on myself. I also have a rare congenital condition which affects my body and causes limited movement in my legs, as well as some unpleasant looking scarring, muscle wastage and disfigurement from previous operations. So I also have to battle with that every time I meet a new girl. But deep down I know that my PM is the main factor. I have never been an addict in terms of hours lost away to it, my problem has always been tolerance build up and going to more extreme places, further losing touch with the reality of real life partners, and I'm choosing to finally stop it now at the way overdue age of 37.

I feel super motivated to complete an initial no PM 90-day challenge though I'm a little concerned about how it's going to work with O still on the cards with this girl. I have managed to give up P for about 2-3 months before but never tried M, so this will be new.

I hope to meet some of you guys in the various threads and am particularly interested in meeting those who are affected by DE, so we can potentially be accountability partners and group members.

Probably gone on too much now, but it's been nice to write this all out.

Peace and good vibes to all.

Spaceman

 

Thanks for the kind words Kaylee... Appreciate it.