Help please

This sounds really difficult for you. I can see how, with his behaviour, you are suspicious. Do you regularly feedback to him about his mood? How would he take that?
Have you given him any reason to lie about relapse ? (eg. If you relapse that is the end of me and you) Is a relapse but with commitment to try again a deal breaker for the engagement?
I remember being so totally scared to share my relapses with my wife because of how much it had hurt her already.
We are 91 days in to 'back to basics' as you put it and our relationship has never been stronger. By talking opening every night about my feelings I began to realise how so very sensitive my wife is to my every change of mood. And before when I thought she really wasn't bothered about my feelings, she was actually knotted up inside with fear and sadness.
By me talking about my feelings she was able to express her concerns and how my behaviour effects her(good and bad).

 

I would say that he's probably getting the temptation of the addiction. My opinion is to ask him straight up, something along the lines of "Do NOT lie to me, I need to know what's going on with you."

 

This is the part of the reboot I'm enjoying the most. My wife and I are 100% open about all of this, we're talking more, we're listening intently to one another, we are constantly flirting throughout the day. It's changed everything!

@Healmyheart, for what it's worth, alcohol can definitely be a negative factor w/ male performance; my wife and I both stopped drinking a couple of years ago and our health improved significantly; we also started intermittent fasting (we only eat from noon-8pm each day); as a result, we both look better, feel better, and have more energy, which has generated much more interest and desire between us -- I think it's largely because we are doing ALL of this together. I still have the odd glass of wine or cocktail but usually just holidays or special occasions.

Early on, it was a massive challenge (for me) to talk about PMO, PIED, DE, etc. Initially, I would get embarrassed and frustrated, fumbling for words; I didn't want my wife to think I was weak or didn't love her... but that was all in my head (my head is full of this kind of old-school nonsense). Since then, we've truly opened up to each other it's translated positively to all other aspects of our relationship. The key, I think, is to avoid accusations or confrontations. By revealing my vulnerabilities--as hard as this was for me--it actually brought us closer together.

Letting go of angst, regret, anger, etc., is so hard... but really leaning into communication, and being OK w/ embarrassment or vulnerability, is super powerful, in my opinion.

 

Flatline as I understand it is when you stop using P and normal stimulation just doesn't do it for you for a while.You lose the desire as your dopamine levels get back to normal.
I used to use P during the day to heat me up ready for sex in the evening. I was using it as a sex aid. We would be very passionate that night, and I would M about what had happened several times the next day when she was out. When she came back that evening I would be totally cold because of all the O I had had during the day.
It is a horrible cycle to be in for both parties but especially my wife. She didn't have all the info so was totally confused as to what was going on.
One way of looking at it is that your partner has an addiction which will cause him to behave strangely as well as possibly lie and cover up his behaviour regarding things to do with the addiction.If you suspect he is using, there is a chance that he is. To open a conversation about it you could ask how often he gets unwanted sexual thoughts in his head.

 

you need to talk to him. you need to tell him what you told us and explain why your feeling that way. somethings going on there or else you wouldnt be upset, my wife would get upset at me and id pretend I didnt know why but man there was always a reason even if she didnt know what it was. if nothings happening he should be willing to talk to you, dont think your upset about nothing because your probably not, you should be able to check with him.