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I can't get hard during foreplay with my girlfriend

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Brobin, Jan 18, 2019.

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  1. Jan 18, 2019 #1
    Brobin

    Brobin New Fapstronaut

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    Where do I start... I've been into NoFap for quite some time now, had a few resets during the streak, but at long last I did it, I started talking to a girl, a few weeks ago. Long story short, we are now together.

    The problem here is, I can't get hard during foreplay with her. I'm a 21 year old virgin and I can't get hard. Is she attractive enough? Yes, I fantasise about her sometimes etc. She was going down on me, can you imagine, this has always been the dream, I've always wanted this. But I wasn't hard, I did not get an erection, so I stopped her and said, that I was too stressed, The amazing girlfriend she is, she understood and we cuddled afterwards and fell asleep.

    The thing is, when we were kissing, I had a hard time enjoying it. I was more thinking of what I should do, I wasn't mentally there. So I looked it up and it could be that I have spectatorism or performance anxiety? Perhaps one of you guys had this same issue?

    I feel like I don't have any sexual desire anymore because of the NoFap.
    Anyhow, This Saturday we will try again.

    My Regards.
     
    Brobin, Jan 18, 2019
    Brobin, Jan 18, 2019
    #1
  2. Jan 19, 2019 #2
    Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    I’ve had this a couple of times over the years buddy. Just get comfortable with your gf and don’t put pressure on it. Next time you have sex don’t think, feel. Feel the sensation of her skin on yours and enjoy it all. See how it goes.
     
    Abetterbrain, Jan 19, 2019
    Abetterbrain, Jan 19, 2019
    #2
    Fallensoldier1 likes this.
  3. Jan 20, 2019 #3
    de severn

    de severn Moderator Assistant

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    It’s going to take time. You have a mix of things going on. Pied, anxiety, etc.
     
    de severn, Jan 20, 2019
    de severn, Jan 20, 2019
    #3
  4. Jan 20, 2019 #4
    de severn

    de severn Moderator Assistant

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    Dont force it or else you’ll stay limp and frustrated!
     
    de severn, Jan 20, 2019
    de severn, Jan 20, 2019
    #4
  5. Jan 20, 2019 #5
    Plucki

    Plucki Fapstronaut

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    I think it helps tremendously that she's supportive. Girls know that this happens to guys; you'll be fine. The brain can do some pretty amazing things to our body, no matter how much you want a person. Keep spending time with her, all the time, and eventually you should relax into an erection. I'd tried pills in a new relationship due to this, and the time after, I'd forgotten to bring it, and everything was perfectly fine. It was all nerves, confidence, fear.

    One thing I also recommend is going down on her if you/her are open to that. I tried this the first few times I couldn't get an erection with my partner, and it was a positive way to show her that I was very into her in all the ways regardless of the trouble I was having.

    Best of luck, friend. You'll get there. :)
     
    Plucki, Jan 20, 2019
    Plucki, Jan 20, 2019
    #5
    Fallensoldier1 likes this.
  6. Jan 21, 2019 #6
    AP7

    AP7 Fapstronaut

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    I had the same problem with you. After read some sharing in this forum, i realize that I'm not sensitive due to porn addiction.

    I also often have masturbation, almost every day, so my dick can't get hard. I also have no morning erection since i addicted to porn & masturbation around 2008. I check to doctor, he said I'm normal. I confuse.

    Do you have morning erection?





     
    AP7, Jan 21, 2019
    AP7, Jan 21, 2019
    #6

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