Insecure

Welcome @Freespirit448

I'm sorry that his problem has brought you here but hopefully you will learn a lot from others going through the same. The first thing you need to understand about porn addiction is that none of it is your fault. It's not because you are not good enough, or sexually attractive enough. He sounds like he's got PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction) and most porn addicts suffer from it at some point. He would react the same (can't get an erection) with any women he tried to have a sexual encounter with so don't take it personally - it's got nothing to do with you not being good enough. It's because of the copious amount of P watching and masturbating. The positive thing is that he was eventually honest with you and told you he was masturbating to P everyday. A lot men just continuously lie about it. And he's admitted he has a problem and is now on NoFap. They are all positives. Maybe he can look into seeing a CSAT therapist or even doing the NoFap Academy course. Unfortunately pushing him to do recovery work won't work, he has to want this and do it for himself otherwise he'll never truly recover - he'll only be doing it for you and eventually relapse. He has to want it for himself. The best thing you can do is establish boundaries and consequences to protect yourself and do some healing work on yourself. There are many betrayal trauma books and courses available. I'll post a couple of links below that will help get you started if you haven't seen them already. Suggested resources and information that other SO have put together. Most important is focusing on healing yourself so you can rebuild your confidence and self esteem. Just know it's definitely not you that is the problem. I've been married for 21 years and my husband has been addicted to porn for even longer. So it's good that you's are dealing with this now so early on. All the best with it!! xx

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/resources-that-are-helpful-to-both-pa-and-so.108414/

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/lets-talk-about-boundaries.109686/page-9#post-1701078

Below is a site that has loads of free courses too. Im currently doing the first one (Healing Trauma from Sexual Betrayal)

https://bloomforwomen.com/courses/

A good book also available through amazon kindle is

"Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, How Partners can Cope & Heal" by Barbara Steffans & Marsha Means

 

Honesty matters.. Thanks for your post. Very helpful.

How is the bloom for women course?is it religious? I am not religious, that's why I am asking.

I can not find anything about costs of the course, which I don't like. When do they ask for payment and how much is it?

And does it help you? Seems like a lot of input, I looked at the course details.

 

Hi Square79

The course is going well. I'm only half way through the first one at the moment and it's free- Healing Trauma from Sexual Betrayal. Ive been writing about it as I go in my journal.... and Yes, I think it's helping. Sometimes I get a little frustrated digging up all the old wounds / and trauma over the years but it's all necessary i guess in processing it and healing. I've read your journal a few times before and I really feel for what you must be going through. I think Bloom would be so so good for you! It's not religious at all - I'm not religious either. There are 50 free courses on there. So you don't have to pay. You just sign up and you get access to the free courses. You also get a free one on one with a trauma coach if you want it when you sign up. They send you an email. The paid version I believe gives you access to their online forum, further courses as well as one on one sessions with trained therapists. I think it was about $40 a month but I thought I'd try the free courses first. They also have a heap of free yoga and meditation on there if you were interested in it. I've just started their yoga which is awesome! Given that it's all free I'm pretty happy with it. Let me know if you need any help with anything xx

 

@Square79

I just found this on their site. It was a bit tricky to find.....

View attachment upload_2018-10-17_17-24-36.png

 

There's so much odd stuff that happens with this addiction like PIED and then when they quit P, they can get flatline which is a drop in sex drive for a time. Then there's depression and withdrawals among other things. Research so you can recognize the symptoms and signs, educated yourself so you know what to expect. That's really the only thing you can control but I found for me it helps to have knowledge on it because my husband won't share his feelings on it, doesn't want to admit he has a problem. In that regard your boyfriend is showing positive signs of wanting to recover, just know it won't be easy and there are these bumps along the way so you can be prepared.

And remember you are good enough, it's him that is lacking. You're so gracious to have mercy on him and give him this chance to be the partner you need.