Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

DAY 883: 06/28/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) No triggers.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me another trifecta, it feels so good that it seems like he actually wants to/enjoys doing it these days. How different than it was in the past, where I would be the one asking for a foot rub once in a while and his response would usually be pissing, moaning or "fine, gimme a few mins" which would take up to 30 minutes sometimes... (perhaps to wait me out). Then if he actually does anything it was half-assed, while he was in the middle of something else, with nonstop pausing. Often times, it would get to the point where I would just pull away and say "forget it". Now, when I see he is exhausted or anything, I tell him "let's skip it" but he still insists and begins convincing ME why he is okay to do it. I am very appreciative of it because it does really help with my aches, pains, and sciatic nerve, but what makes it so much more special, is that he offers it/wants to do it. To me, it's all about the small things. <3

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Practice Gratitude In Your Daily Life", in this episode, we get some excellent tips and advice on how to practice gratitude in your daily life and why it's important that you do so. Remember, the healthiest of all human emotions is gratitude.

This morning, as we walked we continued listening to "DOCTOR FACT-CHECKS Media On Coronavirus, Healthcare & Shares How To STAY HEALTHY" an interview with Doctor Mike, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Dr. Mike is a board-certified family medicine doctor practicing in the New York City area, and he’s also a social media superstar. Dr. Mike is committed to giving verified information and debunking health myths we see every day on the internet, and right now during this global pandemic, there is a huge amount of information out there that is misleading. Right now, more than ever we need educated and good-hearted people like Dr. Mike to help us navigate through these times, breakdown the science into simple terms, and diffuse the noise of media/politics. We also talked about his night at work, and various other topics. Luckily, there where no triggers there today, phew.

Today, I will hope for an easy day without much drama from my girls or parents.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers on the trail.

#Video
How to Live a Life of Gratitude

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 884: 06/29/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Drive.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me another trifecta, it was lovely. Then we watched some TV, relaxed a bit... Outlander made a turn for the better. Then it was time for him to head out to work and I went to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Internal Daily Battle That You Must Win", in this episode, Art of Improvement shares some thoughts on winning the most important internal daily battle you face each day. Remember, amid the chaos, there is also opportunity.

This morning, on the way to the store we finished listening to "DOCTOR FACT-CHECKS Media On Coronavirus, Healthcare & Shares How To STAY HEALTHY" an interview with Doctor Mike, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Dr. Mike is a board-certified family medicine doctor practicing in the New York City area, and he’s also a social media superstar. Dr. Mike is committed to giving verified information and debunking health myths we see every day on the internet. Just as it had been since the beginning it, was a wonderful interview, Doctor Mike is awesome, everyone should check him out if they have not already.

Wade is home tonight, so today he is staying up today (yippie!) and I enjoy spending full days with him, even if it is just lounging around.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers.

#Video
One Battle You Need To Win Every Day

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 885: 06/30/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade decided to take a break and skipped the trifecta. We sat out for a bit on the balcony, had some small talk, then he smoked and read while I worked on a mobile puzzle, it was breezy and getting a bit chilly for me so we decided to go inside and watched some more Outlander. Then headed to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Making The Decision To Change Your Life", in this episode, Jim Rohn talks about making the decision to change your life. Remember, you're always one decision away from an entirely different life.

This morning, we began listening to "STOP SCREWING Yourself Over & DESTROY SELF DOUBT In SECONDS For SUCCESS" an interview with Mel Robbins, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Mel Robbins is a motivational speaker, #1 best-selling author, former CNN legal analyst, daytime talk show host, and the creator of the life-changing 5-second rule. Her message is simple - stop screwing yourself over, followed by some helpful tips on how to shake up your life, and demolish your comfort zones. To this day, it is one of the most-viewed TEDx talks in the world. In 2017, she published The Five-Second Rule, which became an international bestseller. As much as Wade and I love Mel, we are not impressed by this interview at all, she is being a bit too vulgar, kind of tone-deaf about the struggles of people in quarantine who don't have the means to 'find themselves' etc. Not the best, we still have a bit more left, so I guess we will see where this goes. Afterward, we had to run some errands and trigger-wise everything was going all right until we had to stop by T-Mobile, where one of the sales chicks ... just so happened to be one of his primes. We had to stay there because the guy that was helping us was trying to find out if the promotion someone gave me online applied to my plan, I wanted to get some answers. Wade turned around and tried not to look in that direction, which I appreciated. I acted unphased as I spoke and joked around with our sales rep, long ago I mastered the art of 'fake it till you make it' so to speak. Internally, my stomach was in knots, the rage was building up, and forcefully suppressing it was not so great for my body. In the car, Wade asked if I was triggered, I said yes and he said he couldn't tell because I acted so normal. As we rode home I felt the slow 'release' of all that pent up rage wrecking havok on my body. My body felt weak, my mood was bad, my head was pounding - essentially a mess, a result of suppressing I guess. He tried to explain (as usual) that he felt nothing for her, just worried that I would be triggered, etc. But to me, all I could think was 'here we go again' his type vs me. She had a small waist and a huge bubbly ass, the kind he really enjoys. Now, he may say that right now 'all he enjoys is my ass', but let's be real. Anyhow, personally, I think she's unproportional, too short and her ass is too big... I would never want a body like that, I PERSONALLY, prefer my own ass to hers. However, the sad truth is I know that HE PREFERS her ass to mine... and that's what hurts/plagues me the most, that I will never be his physical type aka "desired dream girl".

Anyway, the rest of today will be a lazy say (I hope). Then we have a small online thing to do, which is a good thing because we'll be skipping the trifecta tonight as well and I have a feeling that I probably will not be in the mood for that kind of intimacy tonight.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I faked it till I made it at T-Mobile, even while triggered so well even Wade thought I didn't get phased.

#Video
Jim Rohn: How To Stop Worrying And Start Living

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 886: 07/01/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, my mood was still off since the trigger in the morning. I know it was not anything Wade did at the moment, but I can't help my thoughts when a trigger occurs, nor can I help the reactions that follow suit. Although I did not want the trifecta and made that known, Wade insisted and did it anyway, it of course felt great. During that, we spoke briefly about the usual stuff. Then, I mentioned how I can't stand how quickly plans can change, in an instant because of these triggers. He cut me off and told me he knows... which didn't feel so great. I had mentioned that I planned to ask him to do something for me this night in the 'intimate' dept but after a trigger (esp like that one) all that goes down the drain. He brushed that off with "I know" and continued on with his take on it all. I did not feel heard last night, I was also surprised he wasn't curious enough to ask what it was that I had planned to ask him to do for me - especially when I normally do not ask for much of anything in that dept - oh well, all I know is I won't be asking for that/mentioning it anytime soon. Once I feel brushed off or ignored, it takes me a long time to even consider bringing it up again; if it ever happens.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “What It Means To Live A Good Life", in this episode, Robert Waldinger explains what it means to live a good life. Remember, we are not given a good or bad life, we are given a life, it's up to us to make it good or bad.

This morning, during our walk we finished listening to "STOP SCREWING Yourself Over & DESTROY SELF DOUBT In SECONDS For SUCCESS" an interview with Mel Robbins, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Mel Robbins is a motivational speaker, #1 best-selling author, former CNN legal analyst, daytime talk show host, and the creator of the life-changing 5-second rule. Well... she made a good point or two, but overall, both Wade and I were displeased with this interview. We did have some good back and forths during this interview, pausing frequently to disagree with what was being said - well, I guess they can't all be winners.

Today Wade has to take a nap, so I hope the girls won't give me much of a headache. They also have to start the summer packets they were given - how exciting *NOT*... as if homeschooling since March wasn't enough. Ugh.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Triggered at the start of our walk, luckily they were far and went another way, so it passed quickly.

#Video
What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 887: 07/02/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta and it felt nice. I am still weening off my bad mood due to everything that has transpired. We spoke a little about holding space and how he feels he is better, but still not good at it. I have to say, even though I did not feel heard two nights ago, I've felt more heard in the last two and a half years than I did in the previous twelve, so we are moving in the right direction. Then we watched some TV before he headed out to work and me to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Remember Who You Are", in this episode, Freddy Fri inspires us to always remember who you are. Remember, to remember who you are you'll have to forget what others have said you should be.

This morning, we spoke a little about his night at work. Then during our walk, we began listening to "How to Succeed at Any Role, in Any Situation" an interview with Kevin Bacon, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Kevin Bacon is a legendary actor, one of those rare individuals whose fame seems to have transcended his own name or image. So far, we've heard them discuss how Kevin is quite thankful that he is able to live a very privileged lifestyle, he describes life on the road as an actor, how absence really can make the heart grow fonder and how he is completely fine with not being a lead character in a movie. We found it odd that he prioritizes work over his wife/family, then claims to really love and want to spend time with her. We both spoke about how, nowadays, we prefer to spend time together and vacation together, because we care more about shared experiences than anything else. He explained how at night, he wants to message me and talk, but it feels so empty because I'm sleeping and obviously don't respond. I said it is the same for me, like to the point where if something interests me, I still message it to him during the day, as he sleeps - because I know he will see it and ask about it when he wakes up, which will remind me what I wanted to share with him. Both of us are glad that we are here and not where we use to be, even with all of our ups and downs.

He went to bed, I am dealing with the kids and trying to organize some of my files/work.


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers, phew.

#Video
Best Motivational Speech

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 888: 07/03/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta and it was lovely. We did not talk, just listened to music, and sometimes, it just feels nice to decompress and cancel out all of the noise. Then we watched some TV and I went to bed and he had to head out to work.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How to Love Yourself And Be Happy", in this episode, Adam LoDolce from SexyConfidence.com has a great message on how to love yourself and be happy. Remember, if you can learn to love yourself and all your flaws, you can love other people so much better.

This morning, I woke up really missing Wade, I was excited/looking forward to seeing him too. He was considering putting in for a new position at a new location, which he had brought before but because of the crazy overtime, I said/we decided no last time. This time, he said I should give it some more thought because it would be safer, etc. This is the 3rd time he has brought up some sort of shift/career change and after breaking it down/rationalizing it, it always ends up looking like because of me - he has to put a stop to those moves. After putting it all down (written out) to him, all the reasons why this wouldn't work again... I became extremely overwhelmed with guilt, to the point of tears. It hit me like a truck, I am standing in the way of him doing what he really wants to do, I'm a thorn at his side. I am also no longer going to sit idly by and just tolerate situations I do not want to be apart of - like I had for so many years, so the only way he could ever do anything drastic with his career, is if I am out of the picture. Of course, he told me that the only yes he cares about is when I told him I'd give him another chance, that he doesn't care about career changes, and rather I will be comfortable and happy than anything else. I really hope so, because I feel guilty, awful, and sometimes wonder if at this point - he would just be better off without me. This is what we discussed during our walk.

Later this afternoon, once Wade wakes up from his sleep, we will have a Hamilton watch party... our eldest really wants to watch it and we will make some yummy food and make a thing of it - I hope this helps my mood.


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers on the trail.

#Video
How to (Actually) Love Yourself And Be Happy

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 889: 07/04/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Car Ride.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, after yet another back and forth aka 'blowout' with my dad, of course, due to ignorance, politics, and opinions - we ranted about all that during the back rub. Then we watched some TV to decompress, I began getting really sleepy so I called it a night and he headed out to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Effectively Manage Your Emotions", in this episode, we listen in as Jim Rohn explains how to effectively manage your emotions. Remember, negative emotions are like uninvited guests, just because they show up at your doorstep does not mean you have to allow them to stay.

This morning, we continued listening to "How to Succeed at Any Role, in Any Situation" an interview with Kevin Bacon, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu - on and off during our car ride to and from the store. Kevin Bacon is a legendary actor who has been in many films throughout the decades. We hear them discuss playing a character that is fairly similar to him, how marriage is something we put on a pedestal but statistically, it doesn’t usually work, how playing together helps his marriage more than the work they put in. Both Wade and I read between the lines when Mr. Bacon spoke about his relationship. As much as he keeps saying it's a strong and successful marriage, what he says and how he says it gives off the impression that he is happy with the 'arrangement', the ideal/look of being married but prefers to be apart, there's no connection and work always comes first and is his preference over his wife/family. It was really bizarre the way he tried to play off that sort of 'distant' marriage as wonderful. Anyway, it gave Wade and me something to talk about. Wade also mentioned that he noticed one of his co-workers was reading a John Maxwell book and that opened up a conversation where he shared that he was a PA, how he has changed his life and why he is into all this stuff now. He said the co-worker did not say he personally had any issues with PM, but seemed to ask a lot of questions/was interested in what he was saying. He wants to speak with him some more and the co-worker actually said he wanted to do the same. I am proud of Wade for coming this far, to be able to speak about all of this without any shame, it is a big deal. Then we got home and my mom told us that Wade needs to stop arguing with my dad, that after we left he was having a severe panic attack (because if someone disagrees with him, he gets super angry and annoyed) and she thought he was going to have a heart attack and end up going to the hospital. So, as I told him last night, my mom said the same, just stop entertaining any of the crazy shit he says, the nod and let it roll off. It is not easy, but it will save everyone a lot of stress.

Today, we plan on having a small 4th of July BBQ once Wade wakes up, with the whole family, hopefully staying off the topic of politics and other crap. I will keep my fingers crossed for a peaceful evening.



_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers today.

#Video
The Ultimate Gratitude Ritual

---------------------------------------------------


---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 890: 07/05/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave it the trifecta - where we continued to rant about my parents lol. I don't know what it has been these past few days, but they have really been calming my body, to the point of wanting to pass out asap. We saw some fireworks from our balcony, it was nice for like five minutes, then I just wanted it to stop because of the noise lol. Then we watched some more Outlander before I headed off to bed and he went off to work.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Your Thoughts Create Your Reality", in this episode, Oprah Winfrey reminds us that your thoughts create your reality. Remember, everything passes in its time.

This morning, we finally finished listening to "How to Succeed at Any Role, in Any Situation" an interview with Kevin Bacon, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Kevin Bacon is a legendary actor, one of those rare individuals whose fame seems to have transcended his own name or image. We hear them discuss what being an actor means, he advocates creating your own material even if you aren’t a budding producer, then Kevin and Tom discuss what it means to be a producer or a director. It was a meh interview, sadly we are finding that the more famous the person, the less interesting their story is - which is odd, you would think they would have had to get through a lot of feats to get to where they are. Anyhow, it was a fast-paced, good trigger free walk. Today we are celebrating my parent's 47th wedding anniversary, although I'm not too sure my dad even remembered. Wade and I brought them a fan, something they've been mentioning that they wanted for a while now. Although my mom told me not to get anything - I can't wait to see the look on her face, well after the "I told you not to get anything lecture".

Hoping for a quiet day.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers on our walk, phew.

#Video
Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Circumstances

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 891: 07/06/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Pool Time.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta, we tried to keep the talking to a minimum, just to have a few moments of silence and calm. Then we went to watch some TV before he had to go to work and I went to bed. My little one decided bedtime was over at 2 or 3 am, set herself up in the living room and I had to wrangle her back into bed, which was 'fun'.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Live A More Pleasant Life", in this episode, Sadhguru talks with us about how to live a more pleasant life. Remember, the most beautiful moments in life are moments when you are expressing your joy.

This morning, as we walked we began listening to "How to Overcome Trauma" an interview with Wesley Chapman, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Wesley Chapman has been an entrepreneur since the tender age of eight-years-old. Transforming the ashes of his youth into the beauty that is his life’s current work. During this interview, he discusses overcoming victimization and the power of rewriting your personal narrative. So far we've heard them talk about uncovering beauty in the midst of darkness, how he used self-talk to overcome his painful childhood, the first step toward putting the victim to bed, and rewriting your story and letting go of victimization. Wade started this one himself but enjoyed it so much and wanted to discuss many points, that he restarted it with me. It led to some interesting discussions about triggers and fear, trying to get past it, etc. Overall it was a good start to the morning and everything was seemingly going well until we got home. At home, I had a package from Amazon, something I had ordered for myself, I've also mentioned this item to him before. In front of my parents, he begins going on and on about how we don't need it, even offering it up to my mom because we already have something like this. I ordered it, therefore I wanted it, it was five bucks (not five hundred) - SO, If I ordered it for myself, I had my reasons for it, I felt like I was being attacked (interrogation style). With the added bonus of my dad asking random and dumb questions about it. I got so pissed off, I went and just threw it into my mom's bag and told her to keep it, I no longer want it - I was done. Of course after the fact, as usual he was sorry, but this happens all too often and I am just tired of it.

We finally got out to the pool, no one was there, so that was great for me. Although my mood was ruined after the whole item debacle, I managed to distract myself by taking pictures and keeping the focus on our girls.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers on our walk, again, yippie.

#Video
Are You Ready To CHANGE?!

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 892: 07/07/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Massages.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta, although, after the earlier incident, I really wasn't in the mood for much of anything. Of course, it felt nice and still relaxed my body and mind. Then we went to watch some TV before heading to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Amazing Power of Giving", in this episode, Les Brown talks with us about the awesome power of giving. Remember, the process of receiving starts with giving.

This morning, we finished listening to "How to Overcome Trauma" an interview with Wesley Chapman, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Wesley Chapman has been an entrepreneur since the tender age of eight-years-old. Transforming the ashes of his youth into the beauty that is his life’s current work. During the close of this interview, he discusses the Elmo Effect, the expounds on understanding things differently by changing your perspective, his favorite superhero and using his suit of armor as a tool, they talk about the power of storytelling, the definition of true empowerment, the impact he wants to have on the world, and he emphasizes the importance of making one different choice. He made a lot of good and interesting points on just finding the strength to believe something else, not to keep making/seeing yourself as a victim. Then while we were running errands, there was a trigger for me and I saw him glance over and called him out on that. He immediately got defense further confirming to me that he was reacting out of guilt/being caught. A few seconds into it, he said "I'm being defensive, but it is because I really didn't look at her, etc". Anyway, the way he handled that whole situation just triggered me more, we spoke about it a bit after as well. My mood has been off for some time now and it just sucks (super draining).

I'm exhausted.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Moved myself past quite a bit (triggers).

#Video
Best Les Brown MOTIVATION compilation

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 893: 07/08/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Pool Time.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we went straight to watching TV, while he gave me a hand and foot rub. That got me sleepy, which is a good time, I fell asleep quickly but proceeded to wake up a lot throughout the night.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How Caring What People Think Is Holding You Back", in this episode, Peter from over at TopThink has a great message for us on how caring what people think is holding you back. Remember, I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everybody.

This morning, during our walk, we began listening to "How To Speak To Yourself" an interview with Katee Sackhoff, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Katee is an actress, most well known for playing Lieutenant Kara "Starbuck" Thrace on Battlestar Galactica. She is also a cancer survivor. So far, they've discussed everything from failure, to work ethic, to overcoming false beliefs about ourselves. She brings a unique and profound perspective to the table, in how she’s able to situate herself from the negative external opinions we too often let creep upon us. This interview has been pretty good, it opened up a few good discussions for Wade and myself. There was a minor trigger there, which I moved past, someone I've seen there a few times already. We spoke a bit about triggers again, how he has a much more positive outlook on my healing them than I do (and why I believe that). Then we had to run a quick errand, while he was browsing (for what seemed like 5 hours) for some sausages ... heading my way was one of his prime types > aka a big trigger for me, the entire time I see her approaching - I have multiple thoughts running through my head simultaneously. So many, I can't recall them all right now, mostly how much he loves this/her body type, how this is the type of woman he would do cartwheels over, just to get a few extra angles into his line of sight and how ugly, unappealing, fat, disgusting and out of shape I am to him, compared to someone like that. Then at the same time my heart rate and panic were getting worse as I was thinking, "please God, let her pass quickly and vanish before he catches a glimpse of her!" but of course, he spent so much damn time, looking at the same 5 sausage brands that by the time he was finally done, when he turned - she was already making her way towards him. As I predicted, his eyes picked up on her 'scent' aka presence immediately, so of course, he caught a glimpse of her but remembered I was closeby. He claims "he saw 'someone' but it was so fast that I didn't pay attention to her body type, etc". BUT, I call bullshit on that, I am certain he thought "holy shit, she is hot!" in his head, then switched to "crap, Jag is going to get triggered" and so he quickly turned to me (and saw my face) then said "sorry I took so long" and all I did was quietly say "yup". Anyway, this opened up yet another conversation on this topic, practically the same things were said, he thinks it will get better over time because he chooses to believe that. I told him that way of thinking is a luxury he has because I do not have that option. For me, when I get triggered, I am enraged, in fear, and don't see any silver lining on the horizon, there's no coming back from it until hours or days have gone by - because at the end of the day, all I see is someone he prefers versus his current situation [me]. It is what it is.

Then we went to the pool, not a lot of people there which was such a blessing. This was definitely needed, especially when Wade was with the girls in the water and I had a few minutes to just decompress, without anyone attached to me at the hip.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Was able to enjoy a few minutes of peace at the pool.

#Video
How to Stop Caring What People Think

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 894: 07/09/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, oh, where to begin... so I was already triggered earlier that day - then we went to visit my parents and my mom paid me a compliment that I could pass for a high school student if I put my hair in pigtails, so instead of just laughing it off, letting it just 'be' or whatever, Wade begins to argue with her (relentlessly I might add) that no, she looks like she is 26/27. I'm going to be 36 this month, aging is an issue for me, especially when it comes to my fears of him finding me more and more unattractive as I get older, wanting someone else, and he knows that very well. Anyhow, as they were going back and forth, all I was thinking was "well of course, because you are probably still excited about the younger-looking prime chick from this morning, that's why you are fighting so hard against this compliment". ANYWAY, after we left, I tried to just breathe and let it go, however, throughout the evening he kept bringing up how beautiful I was, how much he wants me, desires me, and so on. I made it clear a while ago when I am triggered, do not do that because every time you tell me 'you are beautiful' all I hear when triggered is 'yep, just not a beautiful as that prime, you still wish she was who was next to you, instead of me'. I asked him to stop, which began another long-winded conversation about his truth and he refuses to stop telling me that he thinks I am beautiful, which provoked me to just say "oh yeah? then why wouldn't you just let my mom's compliment be just that, why were you so adamant on proving her wrong, proving that I look old?". The whole night was just a mess and I hate consistently being in this state of emotional distress, it is overwhelming and exhausting.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Quick And Easy Tips For Getting Rid Of Self Doubt", in this episode, Freddy Fri's message is about getting rid of self-doubt. Remember, it's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.

This morning, during our walk, we finished listening to "How To Speak To Yourself" an interview with Katee Sackhoff, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Katee is an actress, most well known for playing Lieutenant Kara "Starbuck" Thrace on Battlestar Galactica. They discussed her strategies for overcoming these tough moments of self-doubt, how she’s able to understand that who you are is not what you do, and why we should never take “no” personally. This was a good interview with a lot of good points, giving us many pauses to have deeper conversations. There were a few minor triggers there, but it piled on top of the shitty way I have already been feeling. We spoke a little about last night, he apologized for everything and also for my triggers on the trail. Walking helped my stress a little, even if it was difficult to breathe in this humidity and in a mask.

Today, we are heading out to the pool for a bit, before he has to take his nap. I got a new swimsuit and I actually like how it looks on me.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
How my swimsuit looked on me.

#Video
Destroy Self Doubt

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 895: 07/10/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Routine.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta and it really helped because my body felt like it was hit by a Mack truck. After we watched some TV and he had to head out to work.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Ignore Negative People And Why You Should", in this episode, we learn how to painlessly ignore negative people, and why it's something you absolutely must do. Remember, the less you respond to negative people the more peaceful your life will become.

This morning, the weather was shitty and we had to do our weekly grocery run anyway. We talked about my crazy ass cousin and how he has been exhausting the ever-loving shit out of me, with messaging me 24/7 with nonsense. I thought I ended it yesterday, but today at 5 am, he was at it again. Pure insanity is what it has been with this one, omg - I had to take Advil. It was fun discussing this nutty stuff with my friend though, gave me some much-needed stress relief.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Hair is on point.

#Video
How To Ignore People

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 896: 07/11/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me the trifecta and it was so soothing. Then we watched Outlander, we are almost done with the last episode, sadly. Wade went off to work and I tried to go to sleep, it did not last long before I woke up, tossing and turning for the rest of the night.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Deal With Rude People", in this episode, Brainy Dose gives us some tips on how to deal with rude people. Remember, be kind to unkind people, they need it the most.

This morning, we forgot our headphones, so we talked the whole way. He told me about his night and how the partner he had this night also has PCOS like me. She told him all about her struggles and he remembers what I went through, so he could understand. During the walk, as we were finishing, a trigger walked by with her boyfriend. This is the same one that wore short-shorts and triggered me really bad when I was walking on my own a few weeks ago. Wade noticed how my demeanor and mood shifted instantly, I continued engaging in our conversation but my mind had two lanes running simultaneously. It sucks, I am tired of consistent ups and downs. He keeps insisting that no matter who is there 'how hot' or whatever, all he wants and prefers is me... I do not believe that it's possible; with her having the prime body I know that he's obsessed with -- to go from preferring that to ignoring it and preferring someone like me.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Hair still looking awesome.

#Video
Dealing With Rude People

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
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DAY 897: 07/12/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, he gave me a trifecta, it was lovely. I still go through phases of feeling guilty for enjoying it, I feel like I don't deserve something so nice/selfless done for me... like what have I done to get this sort of treatment, offering nothing but thanks in return? it's weird, even if I am getting more use to it being normalcy, rather than only done when he is trying to make up for something. He also brought up that our evening routine is feeling/becoming stale, too mundane. I kind of agree and see what he means, because it is massage/tv/ then work or bed. I told him I don't mind switching up TV with puzzles, games, or whatever, I guess sometimes after a triggering or mentally exhausting day, it is nice to just decompress with a tv show, which uses up less brainpower lol. I guess we shall see, what the week brings as he offers up some new ideas to replace the tv time.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Important Lessons In Life That Many People Learn Too Late", in this episode, Success Secrets TV share some important lessons in life that many people learn too late. Remember, those who keep learning throughout their life will keep rising throughout their life.

This morning, on the drive to the store, we began listening to "Advice On Healing Any Trauma, Guilt & Shame" an interview with Byron Katie, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Byron Katie is an American speaker and author who teaches a method of self-inquiry known as "The Work of Byron Katie" or simply as "The Work." Where her main theory is, everything starts and stops with your thoughts. She was depressed for over 10 years, to the point where she was afraid to leave her house, until one morning she woke up and began questioning if what she was thinking was true or false. An awesome quote from what we've heard so far was where she says: "the cause of all suffering is what we're thinking and believing." So far, this interview opened up a good conversation between Wade and myself, in regards to believing my own thoughts during triggers. I can not wait to hear the rest of this one.

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For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Felt confident in my outfit today.

#Video
5 Important Lessons people Learn TOO LATE In Life

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
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DAY 898: 07/13/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, another lovely trifecta, then he was so exhausted (and I) so we decided to just watch TV (instead of trying to do anything else) and call it a night (he went to work, I went to bed).

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Powerful Habits That Will Help You To Have More Success", in this episode, we hear some powerful habits that help you have more success from our friends at TopThink. Remember, winning is a habit, unfortunately so is losing.

This morning, we forgot our headphones, so instead of listening we just walked and talked about our eldest. She is exhibiting a lot of the same behavior patterns as he had for so many years, just like most kids her age, she is addicted to her electronics/devices. It's difficult, especially since at this moment in time, we are all trapped indoors and isolated - so, what else is there? at least right now it is keeping her engaged with the outside world and socializing with others her age. Both of us do agree, that something needs to be done, but she has to acknowledge it and want to change herself, otherwise, she will resist any help/advice. This topic also triggers us both, in our own ways... for him - he sees his old behaviors and has to confront them. For me, the same... listening to the excuses, lies, empty promises and never seeing change. It's complicated and difficult, sigh.

Now, my parents have been here since morning, my mom did not leave and stayed long enough for my dad to come back. Now, my head is about to explode because he won't shut up about shit that I just don't care about it. It even got to the point where he said to me, "I know you don't care about any of this stuff, but I'm just telling you". OMG.

I can not wait for the hour where I can wake Wade up, so we can try and go to the pool!

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For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Got through my triggers as best as I can.

#Video
Personal Growth & Changes

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
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DAY 899: 07/14/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Journaling.
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Last night, he gave me the trifecta and of course, it felt nice. However, my head was not there at all. I was triggered and had been since our visit to the pool in the afternoon. I was excited at first; couldn't wait for him to wake up so we could go, I enjoy the water and time spent with the family, off electronics. Once we got to the pool, we found a decent spot to unload and we began getting our girls ready to head on in, as we did that one of our neighbors showed up... a massive trigger for me on a normal day, but even worse in a bikini. I know Wade noticed her instantly, as did I but I'm sure our blood pressure was rising for two very different reasons. From that point on everything became a dark blur to me, and everything my kids were doing was getting on my nerves (hovering around me, not giving me any space and being so loud - I get they were playing, but I was enraged, which is not their fault but I can't help it). I could not focus on anything but her being there - and how excited Wade must have been to see her body on full display, for his viewing pleasure. I wanted to stay in my swim cover - just so he wouldn't have to look at me in a swimsuit, so he would have less of an eyesore when comparing how shitty he has it. She was in a bright ass orange bikini and as if it couldn't get any worse, her ass cheeks were hanging out to boot (which I'm sure Wade 'accidentally' slipped on, multiple times, which he will undoubtedly deny 'because he only cares to look at me' YEAH RIGHT! especially when I look like a fucking disgusting old hag compared to his half-naked prime on a platter there). There was another one at the pool too, towards the back, but I was so triggered by this one, I didn't have the mental capacity to worry about both at the same time, it was just too overwhelming. He tried to tell me that 'fyi, just so you know, she isn't "bothering" me aka giving his urges or temptations, but just him feeling the need to point something like that out to me - made me wonder if he was only saying it out of guilt for already looking or to remind himself that he wasn't supposed to be tempted, like "no, I do not want to look, remember your wife is here, control yourself". Luckily the kids were hungry and we had an excuse to leave early; as bad as I felt for coming and going so fast, I needed to get out of there and quick. I hate that this is what I have to go constantly deal with and dread the thought that this is it, I can never really enjoy anything in life without the joy inevitably being sucked out of it because my triggers are half the fucking population and are everywhere I turn.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Cultivating Unconditional Self-Worth", in this episode, we have an inspiring message on cultivating unconditional self-worth. Remember, the more you love yourself, the less nonsense you tolerate.

This morning, during our walk, we plan on listening to the rest of "Advice On Healing Any Trauma, Guilt & Shame" an interview with Byron Katie, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Byron Katie is an American speaker and author who teaches a method of self-inquiry known as "The Work of Byron Katie" or simply as "The Work." As excited as I am to finish this one, I hope my mind will be present enough to in-take the information, especially if there will be even more triggers along the trail.

Today, we promised the kids an early trip to the pool, last week I would be excited at that thought, not anymore. I just know how much they need this outside time, so it is a must. However, all I can think about is the potential shitshow I could be walking into. Any; one or all of his primes, could be there at any given moment and I never know if 'today will be the day' where I will again; feel disgusting, old, fat, and overwhelmed at the thought of never being 'it' or like 'her', for him, the type of women he really desires and wants to look at. Oh, and at the same time becoming a horrible mom who has to forcefully 'fake it' just to get through; just like I had to so often in the past. What adds insult to injury is my parents want to come with us, so if there are triggers there, I won't be able to dip out early because they will shame me 'for leaving when we just got here'.

It is going to be a long day.

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For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I plan on getting through the day, no matter what.

#Video
Cultivating Unconditional Self-Worth

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
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No worries, for me it means when he gives me all three: back, hand, and foot massage.

 

DAY 900: 07/15/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me a hand a foot rub. It was nice, I drank some wine, watched some TV and felt relaxed. We ended the night on a good note.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Tiny Habits That Often Lead To Big Results", in this episode, Art of Improvement discusses some tiny habits that often lead to big results. Remember, it's the so-called small habits that matter the most. How you talk to yourself. The books you choose to read. Who you share your energy with. Who you allow to have access to you. These are the habits that ultimately shape your life.

This morning, during our walk, finished listening to "Advice On Healing Any Trauma, Guilt & Shame" an interview with Byron Katie, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. We also discussed being triggered along the way and how that is the reason he waited so long to schedule/mention possibly going to a restaurant, because of the consistent issue of events/plans being ruined. We discussed triggers, his attraction to me versus others and as usual... we ended it still seeing things differently.

I HOPE today is going to be drama-free, and peaceful; for the rest of day.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Got myself out of some triggers.

#Video
19 Tiny Habits That Lead to Huge Results

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
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