My first 90 days

Never thought I'd see the day, looking back on the roller coaster I'm on, it's awesome. I'd say the best part so far, would be the lack of depression I've felt these last 90 days. I'm more focused on getting more involved in the things I enjoy, thinking more positive about my physical health. There have been some tough times, but I don't want to look back, got to keep moving forward, I wish I could have discovered this year's ago, but it's never too late to better myself and look forward to the next day, rather than wishing I would not wake up the next day, like I did many times before. My wife is aware of my journey that I'm on and has been supportive, we have sex 1-2 times a week, which at times does trigger the chaser effect, when that happens I remind myself how I felt in the past and realize there is no going back to feeling those meaningless feelings. I'm happy that PM has not been wasting my time and draining my energy, I know the struggle continues, but all we can do is stay busy, remember the feelings of the past and the present. Thanks to all that have been supportive as well and knowing that we're not in this battle alone.

 

I'd say the effects of NoFap have been almost immediate, I've been struggling for years with depression and never really could figure out the root cause. Always tried to blame my feelings on others, such as my wife or my kids and no matter what they did to change, I'd still feel the same. I found some info about personality types and found that I was an introvert, that helped me understand why I had a hard time being around people very much. It also helped me have a more defined definition, so I could explain to my loved ones, for us to all have a better understanding. I was going nuts for years, never being able to recharge mentally and took it out on my family at times. I've always been one to get into a lot of different hobbies, but was also taken away from them with PM and then all focus would be lost and guilt and shame would set in. When I started this journey, I also decided to quit drinking. I would not say I had a drinking problem, but it was enough that I also felt guilty for the money spent and me trying to change how I felt, looking for that high. This could not be done without finding new things that bring you and loved ones happiness. I'm more motivated than ever to learn and be more involved in the hobbies and time that I have. I know that there will be plenty of challenges up ahead, but I just try to remember the low feelings I had and not take for granted how great I feel now. Thanks for your support, could not have done it without many of you, that are faced with the same challenges, some bigger or smaller than others, but regardless we are here to change ourselves for the better.

 

I've almost made it 120 days without PM, but I've had a few days where I've been having second thoughts.. haven't really had to many sexual thoughts unless I'm with my wife, which has not been very often lately. I haven't had the desire to watch porn, but have almost M a couple times, guess I feel I'm not getting enough in my marriage and it's not as exciting as I'd like it to be. I was afraid of losing that sexual appetite I had before by myself and it has happened, but with wife it's definitely there. I really feel a lot of positive things from all of this, but at the same time all the changes that I've seen really only affect my selfish self. I'm an introvert and have been cranky as hell being around my kids and wife, hearing the kids argue and wife talk about work. It's so draining on my introverted mind. I've talked with wife in the beginning about nofap but now I feel like slipping into my old ways and can't really feel comfortable to talk with her about it. I feel like I'm spending so much of my daily life trying to fix all the BS going on with myself and I just want to live and not focus so much on what is wrong with my head (mentally) depression, neck, golfers elbow, knee problems. I don't feel all this change, (No PM), plus I quit drinking, haven't really changed much in my family life. I haven't been sleeping well either, thinking that rubbing one out will help me sleep better. Anyone else having these issues after 4 months? I was doing real well, but kind of disappointed that I'm not getting enough credit or recognition for my achievements.

 

Well it finally happened and I don't know really how I feel about it. Going to bed and taking a shower, figured I don't have any other plans. I took matters in my own hands, no P and no fantasies, just some self pleasured action.. Hope it doesn't cause triggers and start old habits, I'll be mindful of what has happened and see how well I succeed or fail. I don't plan on being to hard on myself, me and wife don't see each other often and I haven't really ever let pm take up too much of my time. I don't want to lose focus or suffer from other things that I have noticed have been good things. I knew the day would come, I can only learn from this and go from there. Still not sure about telling the wife, guess I'll just see how the next few days or couple weeks go. So does this mean I have to reset my counter?