My story how NoFap changed my life back in 2013

I've been struggling with anxiety and depression ever since I started fapping. In 2013 I was so sick with adrenal fatigue that I would drop in my bead sleeping right after coming home from work so I often had early dinner at my workplace. Thing is I've just come to realise that the reason why my depression/anxiety both lifted back in 2013 is I just did not PMO. I was literally back to my childhood, my brain was back to its former, happy-go-lucky, natural state. It was so wonderful. I was positive and IDGAF again, but not in a negative/jerky way, I was nice to people, but on cloud 9. Like little kids feel, or at least I felt as a kid - everything was so exciting again. Even the dirtiest city streets seemed lovely, but that might be my former personality as I was a happy, bubbly kid pre-fap.

Sure I relapsed a couple of times in the toilet at work but it seemed to not affect me that bad as I've gone NoFap for several months before that. When I quit my job and I went back to uni I had more time and I did not get so tired so I had more time to wank. I call it my "miracle of 2013", so I really miss that year as life felt like it did in the 1990s before I started PMO. Panic attacks suddenly went away and I could even stand criticism from my supervisor like a boss lol.

Not surprisingly my life is hell again from 2014. I did everything the same way I did it back then - going to sleep early, eating healthy, avoiding stress, meditation, supplements and vitamins. But it seems NoFap was the secret ingredient that matters the most as I couldn't replicate that heavenly feeling of being truly ALIVE. What I know is that a week is not enough for me. From tomorrow I'm restarting NoFap again. Not sure if some guys are affected more than others, I guess I'm born with weak adrenals or smth, as I know guys that climax very often, yet they still get girls and are happy. When I do PMO, I'm unhappy, depressed and turn invisible to girls. Guys also avoid me and refuse to be my friends. But oh god how I miss 2013 and the 90's, really going to try harder.

 

It's funny though. I thought I didn't have an addictive personality as I was able to quit gaming, watching TV, reading the news very easily. However, I seem to have two vices, two addictions I have trouble curbing - MO (I rarely watch P) and the Internet - mostly forums and blogs. I spend too much time online. I guess those two are very addicting, yet it seems like the general society doesn't look really seriously at them. Yes, we have NoSurf and NoFap, but it seems like it's still not viewed as something mainstream with media always trying to portray wanking and porn as perfectly healthy.

Anyway, here is my back-to-basics 2013 protocol (should name it something like AdrenalReboot tm and write a book lol):
1. NoFap and not using porn
2. No video games, replaced them with physical games, sports, gardening and even simple walks in nature (I was naturally more of an outdoorsy type as a kid, but someone may play Domino etc.)
3. Healthier diet (less processed, less sugar, but not too low carb as the adrenals need some carbs)
4. Much less TV (working full-time helps)
5. Less Internet at home (ditto, 9-to-5 made me hate the screen). I also quit Facebook as I was addicted to looking up former classmates and would compare my life with theirs and get depressed.
6. Some of vitamins and supplements like vit. D, B, C
7. Avoidance of anything too negative like vicious political discussions, negative people in general, bigots, mysoginists AND misandrists. I avoided male-bashing articles, racist sites, basically anything that shames someone and sounds too entitled or negative. Also I couldn't stand the negativity of the news. It might seem like ignoring the worlds problems, but when you're own life is AFU, you have to let go of saving the world and save yourself! If it's something really important, it will get to you even if you ignore the news. The way news are presented is for shock value and outrage. I think it's media that turns most people sexist, racist, xenophobic or whatever-phobic, really. Even liberal media is vicious and attacing rather than embracing, i.e. why rooting for equal rights has to go hand-in-hand with attacking all males?

Note: Avoiding media also let me enjoy things I would've though were guilty pleasures due to societies opinion. E.g. I liked some pop songs on the radio and later I learned they are mostly liked by teen girls, making me ashamed. Seeing opinion pieces on the Web, TV or press makes you feel shame or modulates your opinion. Somehow avoiding media made me not more ignorant, but more open and accepting to people and things. I judged the world on what happened around me, not on what I read online or heard on TV like most people do. I judged the actions of those around me, not the media portrayals of some instances far away somewhere.

 

To do:
- Find a job. I'm a guy than needs stability and a 9-to-5 job gives that. I found out that I'm more suited to the working world than academia.
- Move out. I really feel like I'd rather live in a different place. Some of my flat mates have toxic influences on me.
- Maybe move abroad and learn the local language (I applied to jobs abroad). I'd love to become part of a new culture and start a new life there as I approach my 30s.
- Improve my French. English skills are no longer enough and it's not like I'll forget English as it's everywhere on the Internet.
- Avoid using the Internet on weekends and after work hours as I'm an addict.
- Ideally find new friends and a GF. I pray for that every day. I hope that the people in my new place will accept me and not shun me like the ones here.
- Later maybe get married? One part of me is ready to settle down and will love being a dad, but another says I should date more different women before settling down as I'm not experienced.
- Do more affirmations. Even "I'm a man" makes me feel confident and empowered. I need to let go of the childish behavior as I'm not a kid anymore. However at the same time I'll try getting back at my former and true interests like cars, F1, WWE and going out and having more active and physical interests. My body needs to burn out that energy.

 

Thank you, man. For me depression, anhedonia, anxiety, brain fog, chronic fatigue and low self-confidence are the things I get when I overindulge in PMO. It's just not worth it to go through that. Also, my eyesight improved in 2013 when I avoided O. It must be all the zink I saved.