No Name

July 20, 2018

WARNING:

I feel like the colour brown. There are all kinds of those other colourful hues like reds and blues and greens that you enjoy. I am the mix of those colours. You would think it would make me the prettiest colour around—but it doesn’t. It makes an ordinary, boring brown.

Red is big fake tits, blue is a nice rotund ass, purple is all the hentai that features the sex acts that are impossible for me to do and green is those big beautiful women etc. And I’m just brown. At least the other shades can be different shades and can always be new and exciting and appealing but brown is just brown. And that’s just what I am. Brown.

I’m nothing special, nothing appealing, nothing that makes me better than all the other colours of porn.

And I know that I am better than porn. I am worth more than porn. But damn it’s so hard to believe that when you keep picking all those other colours over me.

You said that you wanted me when you chose to date me. You said that I was the one colour you would have for life.

I can’t be any colour other than brown. This is why I feel so undesirable. You used to put down [a certain type of] girls and now here you are watching the very thing that you claim to hate instead of having sex with me. What does that say about me?

Now all those things that you said about them are true for me too. I am disgusting. I have let myself go. I’m on the very bottom of your sexy list.
I don't deserve anyone. I shouldn't exist.

Then you go ahead and say that you watch porn because it has impossible things? So what, I get to be punished for not being able to do the impossible? And what’s worse, next you said you watched it because I won’t let you fuck other girls? Get your head out of your fucking ass Ethan, its got nothing to do with me, and everything to do with you.

I can’t live up to these other colours, I’m just brown. I can’t change that. But you can’t honestly say that I’m the one for you when you turn around and look at the colour pinwheel every night.

You don’t really want me so why do you pretend?

 

July 25, 2018

And revenge porn is just about the stupidest thing I ever heard. I was hurt by something you did, I told you, and then you turn to the thing that hurt me just for the sole purpose of hurting me more? Why?

Why would you do that to me? Why would you do that to someone you love? Why would you intentionally hurt them? That’s the worst thing you can do. Wish harm on the person you love.

Even at my worst I don’t do things like that; I don’t feel the need to lash out or take revenge to hurt you. That’s the last thing I want to do to someone I care about. So why do you do it to me?

 

July 28, 2018

Its never felt like just you and me. You always have some porn or dating website or sex game on the side or you’re talking to other girls or exchanging nudes with them. Its not just you and me. Its you and me and whatever it was that you felt like at 5pm. You’ve basically done everything that is cheating except for sex itself. You pay them, you watch them, you seek them out, you pick them over me, you talk to them during our time, you neglect me and my sexual needs, you spend all your time with them etc.

Talking to other girls about sex stuff and spending money on sites and sharing pictures really really crosses a line for me and it honestly feels like you’re cheating.