Set a new record of 30 days – noticeable benefits already

Hey guys! I am happy to report I've made it to 30 days without P or M of any kind. I am not in full hard mode, I have a live in girlfriend and she is supportive of me but have had sex I think 4 times this past month. Definitely a reduced schedule but still maintaining our physical relationship. Lots of cuddling and spooning too.

On the hard mode vs. no hard mode point, here's what I think as a "newbie" to success: I think the rewiring process takes longer when you do allow yourself to orgasm, even with a partner. I noticed that to orgasm I still need to imagine porn to some extent... HOWEVER, those fantasies are fading, and simultaneous with that, I find myself more present and connected to her.

To be clear, I am not fantasizing about other women when I am having sex with her. My fantasy is always about her with other men, or me + other men in a threesome. So... hopefully the fact that other women aren't involved with my fantasies will help speed up the process of reconnecting with her and being truly present. But as the days and weeks roll by, I find these fantasies harder to recall, and more pointless, as I am enjoying just being with her.

So in summary I think this may take longer for me but is ok. The rewiring is still happening, just perhaps slower than it would if I was in strict hard mode.

REWIRING: One of the things I have hated most about myself is social awkwardness and "strangled voice" syndrome. These attributes were never constant, but they frequent. The worst part about it was, there was never any clear indication of what would trigger the onset of vocal issues or social anxiety. I mean, there are so many triggers that it was like EVERYTHING was a trigger. I could partially and temporarily cure this through: alcohol, and performing more social interactions than I was comfortable with.

I started a podcast about two months ago. I've recorded 55 interviews and published 27. My voice is definitely improving! And my comfort with asking more intimate questions and most importantly, putting the interviewee at ease, is really improving a lot I've noticed.

I have more energy but not all the time. Flatlines are still a regular occurrence. Yesterday we had a tenancy dispute with our former landlord, a telephone call with an arbitrator for the hearing. We lost the major part of our case. Before the decision, after hanging up the phone, my GF said she wondered if we made a mistake and what about our reputation in our small town. This sent me into a depressive spiral that continued into this morning. HOWEVER...

I am bouncing back quickly from this type of setback. This could have set me off for days of depression, lethargy, and porn and weed bingeing in the past. Today I am actually getting some stuff done. Not at full energy levels but far better than I would have done even a month ago.

KEY BENEFITS SO FAR:

1. Vocal issues are minimized and sometimes non existent. I have noticed my voice sounds deeper with more bass. Not extremely so, but noticeable.

2. Comfort in uncomfortable social situations. Far from perfect, but definitely better. If you could take a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being suicidal, 4/5 being awkward and uncomfortable, and 10 being like George Clooney or some ultra confident celebrity, I spent most of my life 6 and below, now I am mostly 6 and above. The improvement itself feels great.

3. Sleeping better.

4. More productive / getting a little more done each day

5. Sex with GF, although still drastically reduced, has been more intense. Sensitivity returning to certain overworked body parts.

I have an ongoing journal in the 40+ section. Other than that, I will report back in another 30 days!

 

Yes

 

Mostly a rollercoaster of emotions, from elation to depression and back again. Lethargy, laziness... and then on the other extreme, horniness and restlessness... but this is getting better over time, not in a straight line, but like mountain climbing with up days and down days, but over time, UP!