Wife of porn addict losing hope

Hi buddy,don't worry.
Try to talk with him about this,try to explain him that his porn addiction have impact on yours marriage and have effect on both of your life's.I don't know does he is aware of situation,if he is try to nicely talk with him and remember him about that,if he don't know then explain him everything and tell him why is that bad(Poor life quality,harder cooperating,less trust from both side,not enough honest...etc) .When speaking with him be confident in yourself and speak with nice voice.
Try to openly talk with him about this,i don't have any other idea,good luck.

 

Might i will ask stupid question,did he know what is nofap?
Tell him about this,tell him that there is reward when man quit P and M,and benefits is almost unliminated.Tell him if he try nofap he will never feel more alive,might that can change his mind,i don't know really.
Like you said he is not at home much time because of work and he can do it secretly.

 

Just want to add this thought. His porn problem is his and has nothing to do with you. Nothing you do in the bedroom etc will change that. He needs to change for himself and learn to be honest with himself. It is not your fault at all. I’m so sorry though that the consequences of his choices are real and have hurt you in a real deep way. It is important for you to realize what you need and to work and fight for that. I’m not suggesting separation but if you’re unhappy and he isn’t willing to change then you might need to consider your options.

Your happiness is paramount. I am new to NoFap but I believe there is a forum for spouses impacted by this I highly recommend you go to it to find some guidance advice and support.

 

No I believe there is a forum within nofap for people like you! I just haven’t really looked at it since it doesn’t relate to me . I’ll see if I can post a link to it in another reply.

 

http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?groups/sos-significant-others-support.18/extra&type=information

 

I think the above link might bring you to some better support and ideas for next steps and how to take care of yourself.

 

Dang. There use to be an active female member (I haven't seen her post for a decent while now) on here who had this whole list of links cued up for just such a situation as yours.

Sorry you are going through this. It is not easy and you didn't ask for it. Porn addiction is a terrible web and the damage it deals is awful. I hope you find support here, there are tons of women and some sober minded men who can offer great advice. Glad you are here.

 

The sites platform is for both the addict and the significant other. You can learn a lot on here. You can also post partner support section. Or join the sos group. Lots of Women in your shoes.

 

I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through. It’s a good reminder for every married man, that on the other side of our actions is a wife and family that are affected. I do fee this is the right place, and honestly I believe there is hope for you and your relationship.

knowledge is power. This site is not only a forum to discuss, but a key resource to links and information. Speak to your husband, and find a marriage counselor. Find a place where you can both be open and discuss the issue. Bring up the fact that you know that he’s still looking at porn, and that you want to help him. Get him to read about your brain on porn, and the impact it has on your life. Sadly, traveling for business is often a huge pitfall for a man to relapse.. alone, in a hotel, bored.. next thing your doing PMO.

seriously. If you’re still having sex three times a week.. there’s hope. You clearly love each other. Work together to overcome and grow stronger.

 

Recovery means first admitting there is a problem, my husband didn't want to admit he had an addiction to it, we both didn't understand addiction, what it done to him and I.
We were directed to 'path' for him and 'bloom' for me. It was so helpful for us both, him in understanding how it made me feel and me in understanding it had zero to do with me, my efforts etc. It still feels like a kick in the teeth daily though. Proper shit!

 

Sorry to here that,

But, to be honest we ( men) never thought that porn is the problem at first stage and this is the biggest problem.

Show him those side effects and problems by growing through this forum , it will take time but he will understand one day.

Unless and until he himself wouldn't try to come out of this which he will not without acknowledging the problem, it will be difficult to solve this problem. ...

Best luck buddy

 

My advice would be to get him on the nofap forum, or into therapy. You are probably not the right person to successfully open his eyes and guide him through detox. You are the right person to ask, talk and cry, get angry if you need to! You are entitled to all of your emotions and thoughts. And he should acknowledge that and listen. But to overcome this addiction he needs guidance from outside of the relation.

 

Lots of good replies here, so I'm going to keep this short and mention something that I don't think others have. Even if he doesn't see a problem with the porn and is in denial about the changes in the bedroom you have seen, you might try explaining to him how you have noticed changes. And, what you noticed might not be from comparing you to porn stars or even preferring porn to you (common issues but not always the case). It might just be he's using up his sexual energy with porn before sex with you is an option.

That is something that can be very hard to see as the porn user. We will miss the intiaton attempts of our partner because we've already gotten off.