Advice: Creating my "desire videos" with my Wife

You are obviously smarter than your councelor, who's education into addiction I seriously question. As I see it, you and your spouse have two main issues:

1. Her not being included/feeling cheated on by your PMO-habits, and
2. Your addiction to pornography

The first issue will, at least in the short term, be completely solved by your solution, while the same solution will make the second problem significantly worse.

Your brain has been rewired to only respond to visual stimuli, and by entertaining this (even if it includes your wife) will make your addiction progressively worse and eventually put your intimate life with your partner to a halt. That's the pretty way of saying that you will stop being able to screw your significant other due to PIED, delayed ejaculation or no ejaculation at all.

It's also highly unlikely that you will settle for looking at imagery exclusively containing your wife for any longer period of time; your burnt dopamine receptors won't respond to your beloved after a few rounds. You will need different, more, worse, and your brains worn down breaking system will be unable to efficiently stop you.

So should an addiction be "reprogrammed" into another addiction? To a licensed health care professional with any knowledge of brain plasticity whatsoever, Im sure this sounds absolutely bonkers.

 

This will not be helpful, especially during recovery.

 

Hi, I don't see this as either a workable long-term solution to addiction recovery nor as a healthy direction to take your relationship. Every relationship is different so I can't really comment on your specific situation but I know the last thing my wife would want to believe is that I was treating her as the object of my addiction when I was sexual with her. I am lucky to have had enough recovery (9 years) to know that's not what I would want either.

There is nothing wrong with your partner being your sexual star or even performing for you in a sexual way in itself. Every couple is different. But there is something wrong with doing from the point of view that you both are taking at this time, IMHO.

Peace,
-Quinn

 

Just another vote no. Maybe, after 90+ days a real life version of what you like might be ok. Nothing else is going to help. I'll disagree with the making things worse comment, but it won't help make things better.

 

Just one further comment, I see this potential. Maybe it's in play, maybe not but it wouldn't be out of the ordinary considering:

You're both into the idea right now, but for different reasons

You: the addict in you is looking for some way to recreate what you have lost.
Her: She is trying to quickly trying assure herself that she is the sole object of your desire.

Both not healthy, yours never, hers at this stage of your recovery. It's a fairly common event for the partner of the addict to make a desperate play for affection. It's not a judgement on her but it does happen. Many SO's become instantly non-sexual in the face of discovery, some become very sexual as a reaction. Essentially, you're both trying to short-circuit the grieving and healing process.

If this is off the mark for you, sorry. But it does happen so I want to point it out to you in case it is happening but you both are missing it.

Peace,
-Quinn