First Triple Digit Streak

Day 101

So I've reached my first triple digit streak ever. And it's been a journey to say the least.

First of all, I decided that I would stop directing my energy towards fantasising and essentially cleanse my mind of any residual images and content that have been floating there since I decided to commit to my recovery. Even just today I got flashbacks and even though they are far and few between, I respect myself too much to go back to wasting my seed on some pixels on a screen. And by deciding to remove these pixels from my mind, I have freed up my mind and energy that I can direct to other tasks that are vital for me to become the best version of myself possible. By practising daily meditation, I have been able to create distance between my thoughts and myself and realise that they are just passing by, I do not have to act upon them if I don't want to. The choice is entirely mine.

Secondly, after 4 years of trying to chase a number of days I've realised that it's futile to operate like that. Until and unless we decide to change what's inside our minds, it doesn't matter how much we keep trying to reach a certain number of days, we are eventually going to fall back into the habit of PMOing. So, by changing what's inside our minds and our perspective towards women and intimacy, we give ourselves a chance to finally break free from this addiction. Change your internal world for it to reflect in your external world.

Thirdly, I've decided to quit all my other vices as well. In the past I have always slipped up after a night of heavy drinking and so I've decided to quit drinking alcohol. I've also quit cigarettes and now reached 99 days, just 1 day behind my PMO streak. And tbh now I see it as a lifestyle. I can never see myself going back to the habits that I hurt myself with before. My theme for 2021 is to deal with whatever life throws at me in a healthier way. This key attitude shift is what I feel has been the differentiating factor in me overcoming this destructive PMO habit. I know that I have some way to go to where I know I can be, but it's also about celebrating the small wins.

Fourthly, I have decided to be celibate for the entirety of 2021 as an exercise in self-restraint. I got out of a short but explosive virtual relationship and it made me realise that I have yet to do a lot more work on myself before I can be the best partner for the woman of my dreams. In order to do that, I must deal with whatever past demons arise in this purifying process of abstinence and retention. Trust me, it hasn't been easy. There have been a lot of things about myself that have come up and it's been challenging to say the least. But I am sticking to my gut and dealing with it in a healthy way, mainly by journalling longhand. I believe that's what has saved me from falling back into my old ways of dealing with things. I've also made it a point to reach out to two close friends who I trust and talk to them whenever I'm going through a tough time in life. It has made a world of a difference. I know it can be difficult to tell the people closest to you about the struggles that you are facing, but by opening myself up to them and being vulnerable they have supported me more than I could have ever asked for. I am truly grateful for that.

Five, I am still flatlining and I'm okay with it. It just means that my body needs more time to recover from the destruction that it has faced. I have directed all that excess energy towards other tasks that are important to me, i.e. journalling, exercise, meditation and my personal goals that I have neglected for some time now. It feels good to gain back momentum towards the man I knew I could always be. I just looked at my workouts and realised that I have exercised every single day in the last month but one. I am proud of myself for that. I was too focused on the process to even realise that I had worked out every single day. The science of transmutation is real, this build up of creative energy is very potent and it must be used constructively for your own progress.

Six, I have experienced a whole range of emotions from intense sadness, elation, despair, bliss, hope, loss, motivation, depression, feeling stuck, feeling left out, isolated, connected, lost, found, hurt, healed, impatient, doubt and learning to trust my time/place in life that I am where I'm supposed to be on my journey to recovery. Feeling this wide range of emotions is completely okay. It only makes me human. I've learnt to live with the ebb and flow of these waxing and waning feelings. Because without sadness I wouldn't know what it feels like to be happy. Without the complementing emotion/feeling, I wouldn't know what the other feels like. For that I am grateful, to be able to experience all of these emotions to the depth that I can is a reminder than I am returning to my centre. I trust the process (I try).

Lastly, what feels different this time around is the tools that I have access to, the people who support me and most importantly the commitment I made to myself. I am proud of myself to committing to my own recovery. I am all that I have in this world and I decided to take better care of myself. I have come to terms with the fact that my recovery may take longer than I expect, but I'm in it for the long haul. Whatever it takes.

To those of you who are on this journey to recovery, don't give up! Keep trying until you find what works for you. Explore and adapt the wisdom of others who have walked the path before you. Take a good look at what you want to change about yourself and know that you can! All you have to do it decide that you want to and everything else will fall into place. Change your perspective, change your identity from within and change your behaviours to match that new identity. You have chosen this path because you want to be the best version of yourself, don't settle for anything less.

 

Day 107

I've noticed that a lot of Fapstronauts are only doing NoFap because of the purported benefits. While there are plenty of positive reasons to abstain from PMO, if you are only refraining from the habit/addiction for the reason of getting the benefits, you're probably setting yourself up for failure time and time again. Instead of focusing on the results or benefits, keep your attention in the process. By enjoying the process of self-improvement in other areas of your life (many of these I'm sure you have procrastinated for quite some time or even given up on them), you are not spending so much of your time and energy fighting urges and trying to distract yourself constantly. If you are only doing NoFap to regain your bodily functions, then you may be stuck in the cycle of objectifying whichever sex you are attracted to. What happens when you overcome your PIED? Back to the same cycle?

To beat the habit (pun intended), purge your mind from all these fantasies, images and thoughts that you are wasting your precious energy on. You see, everything is energy and when you decide that you are no longer going to tempt yourself with fantasies and pixels, then you are essentially freeing up a tonne of mental energy! This energy is so powerful that you can use it to achieve anything you put your mind to! To quote Shakespeare, "we know what we are, but know not what we may be." Life is too short to not grow. Life is too short to not try. Life is too short to not thrive. Life is too short to not know what you could be, who you could be. That best version of yourself. Only if you try. Only if you strive. Who you choose to be is your choice. Cut the chains off your wings and learn to fly. Soar and never look back.