HOCD? HELP?

There are a lot of people here with this problem and I try to help a little bit.

"Feeling asexual" - you may be low libido but I don't think you're asexual. The thing about PMO is that it makes you less aware of your own attraction to others. And then with flatline it's even worse temporarily. Your lizard brain is basically in revolt about not getting its fix of naked lady videos. So it throws a tantrum and says "FINE I'm just going to pretend to be asexual for a few weeks."

And on HOCD. I'm a bisexual, or at least my brain is. I feel about certain men the same way I feel about certain women, that is to say I think they're attractive. It isn't a source of worry for me because I know it's true. With HOCD, you know that you feel attracted to women and not men. But you give way too much power to intrusive thoughts, by dwelling on them and worrying they indicate your sexuality. If you have a thought like that, try to let it pass because it's not something that you need to dwell on.

 

Hey Jackson, I feel for you man, I have had an intrusive thought disorder before and know how unpleasant that is. My situation wasn't about my sexuality but like you there was a deep fear that was driving it all... and to begin to recover I had to really learn to be still with the fear so that I could just step back and relax when it was present, observe the patterns, study it's roots. I'm still doing this. The thoughts come back every now and then but they don't throw me around. It's fascinating. Mindfulness meditation is a useful tool to use for this sort of investigation. I also saw a therapist and this is a good idea if you can find one. There are many online these days also.

I notice that some men are good looking/handsome/beautiful and I would say they are attractive. I've been curious a couple times and watched gay P. I don't believe that makes me gay. I do believe that if we were all honest, that our sexuality is a vast spectrum rather than a binary gay or straight. Nothing you've shared makes me think you might be on the more gay side of things. Quitting P will definitely help bring clarity back to what you are naturally attracted to. Keep up the good work.

 

Hey bro i am going threw the same thing....i also have gotten used to it....the thoughts began to produce less of a reaction in me which scared me...i to loved girls as long as I can Remember I started to freak out and look up things like internalized homophobia ..and comming out stories to see if this was hocd or not .....i didn't find anything that led me to believe that I was gay.... then I began to wonder if all my memories that I made with falling for females and constantly being nervous around females was fake and I had always been gay and had not noticed it....what if I was gay and porn made me like girls..those are the questions I asked myself...idek if my memories are real any more man I have not been diagnosed with hocd same as u I showed and shared the symptoms..of hocd

 

I'm going through this too. It's so scary. Questioning whether you've been lying to yourself your entire life cause all you feel now is just... nothing.

To get through, I just try to remember that, eventually, this will just be a bad memory. I remember all of the girls who I have genuinely loved - and I mean loved - and felt so incredibly strongly for. And how real it all was.

I don't what's gonna happen to me or how this will last. But believe me, you guys aren't the only ones going through this. You're not alone.