I beat RE/DE! (Also 3 months+ no porn)

I haven't been following this as a program or anything, but I was getting sick of most porn and how it wasn't very intimate. I didn't really want to be watching it anyway, it just filled a bit of a gap because there wasn't really anyone for me to be intimate with myself.

I used to pretty much always spend a bit of time looking for the stuff where (it at least seemed) like the girls and guys in it were genuine, and actually enjoying it and had some sort of attraction to each other or whatever, even if some of it was pretty dirty I didn't want anything to do with any of the horrible dead eyed stuff with no hint of passion about it.

But a few months ago the vast majority of the 'professional' stuff didn't really do it for me, and I was just looking through amateur stuff for something a bit more real. That was alot better for me, but after reading some stuff like on this site, it seemed that getting rid of the habit entirely was the way to go, and it's made me stress out about anything to do with sex, and how I was thinking about woman.

I wasn't some huge misogynist, or overly objectified girls, just would find myself thinking about alot of girls I saw as people I could potentially sleep with, even when I didn't really find that much about them attractive (not in a shallow way), which is probably a self esteem thing as much as anything else, just being pretty desperate for anyone to feel the same way and anyone would do almost, I'm not too sure. What I do know is I feel alot better without it.

The big achievement came (no pun intended) later. I met an amazing girl, and I've never felt so comfortable around a girl in my entire life. I used to worry all the time about trying to impress girls all the time, whether I was being boring, was I funny enough, whether I was too scrawny, I never felt comfortable even saying I was going to to the bathroom or anything like that. Basically girls scared the shit out of me in alot of ways. But she's been so amazing, and so understanding of all the DE stuff. She took it - or didn't - a little personally when I couldn't cum the first few times we were together, like in any way because I was really anxious, despite it being so weirdly not awkward the first time we slept together and generally feeling awesome. But she got used to the fact it was nothing to do with her, and she was so sweet about how she was really determined to help me and make me feel more comfortable. She would joke about how pleased with herself she'd be about it happening (the first time I managed to cum with her afterwards she high fived me so that's the sort of level we operate on).

Anyway, as you might be able to tell I proper fell for this girl, and I'd cut out masturbation as a regular thing pretty much after the first time I'd slept with her, and started using lube and different techniques and all that sort of stuff, because I really wanted to overcome it too obviously... but after a while I didn't even miss it, despite doing it pretty much every day once if not more beforehand. I'd messed around with doing stuff like this before, but had never really been that disiplined, as I never knew when I was gonna get some next to put it bluntly. I was really disiplined this time though, and was only seeing my girlfriend once a week because she lived a fair way away so was really trying to save myself too. But the more I left it the more I felt, when it had felt like not very much for the last 11 years or so, mostly due to abusing it so much probably, and even though us 2 were very comfortable with each other pretty much from the moment we started talking, it's just kept getting better, and that's made it feel even better too.

But one day she came over, and I wasn't even feeling particularly energetic or anything, and it has been feeling closer and closer to happening for the last few weeks, even though it was the closest I'd ever felt with anyone before. We'd been at it ages, we spend a very long time and I think we'd done it about 7 times over the course of an evening and morning (and early afternoon) I'd spent at hers at one point. But I just remember just going with it, and relaxing, and just being with her and letting it feel awesome, and then it just felt like it felt when I was masturbating and know you're gonna cum no matter what, and it just happened. She was so happy for me, and she didn't even realise it had NEVER happened before, she'd just thought that it'd been ages from when we'd talked about it, but it was fucking awesome. We went out for a bit, and ended up doing it again, and it happened again! And we were only at it about 10 minutes, and that time felt even better because I wasn't feeling anxious about it.

It's only happened once since then, but I've only seen her 3 times since it happened, and one of them I was a bit drunk and it was very late! But it's not feeling like an issue already, stressed myself out a bit when it didn't happen the next time I saw her, but I think I knew it'd happen again really.

Alot of this is down to an amazing patient girl that's talked me out of alot of stupid shit I thought, that always tells me not to worry, that I find very very attractive - not only cos I think she's hot but is also a really funny, sweet and generally awesome person - and we're very intimate with each other, the hottest thing she can do for me in bed is just look at me, when your sleeping with someone and you're just staring into each other's eyes like a couple of morons then you don't feel much closer then that.

There's no reason you can't find someone that makes you feel that way, and with leaving porn out of it, and quitting the incessant masturbating I've done my bit too.

I never thought I'd be able to do that with any girl ever, I'd resigned myself to it probably never happening my whole life because I didn't used to feel that much most of the time, but with the right girl and some self discipline it has, and I couldn't give a fuck about how soft any of this makes me sound because being open and vulnerable about what's made being with girls so uncomfortable has been what has 'cured' me.

I feel really weird sharing this, even though it's pretty much anonymous, unless you know me well enough to know my wordy and very difficult to understand writing style. But I really hope this helps someone else that's in the same situation I was.

 

I'm 31, and I think I'd probably left it about a week or something? I'd definitely been doing it a little but because it was pretty hard not to. The girl I'm with is really really awesome and we were having a pretty good time with each other, so it was hard not think about it and get a bit carried away. When I did do though I was pretty gentle and used loads of lube and stuff so it wasn't really the same as just bashing one out like I usually used to which was probably a little rough.

It's only happened once since that time but it just feels so much better then any time before I was with her, partly because of keeping my hands off myself, but mostly cos of her and how intimate it is.

I'm in reasonably good shape and eat well and stuff, I get pretty excited around her (she says it's her too but I'm pretty sure I'm worse!) and probably go for it a bit more then I should, so end up trying when I'm too tired or stressed or whatever, so need to cut that out a bit because that probably gets me a little anxious and stuff. I'm sure most of the guys that have/do suffer this can relate to the idea of feeling really wound up, but possibly not really actually been up for it as much as you think or feel you are, and maybe that's to do with having been used to forcing yourself in the past when you used to wank pretty much every day at least once... But I always seem to find energy to keep going for ages even when I'm at my most tired, just because she's so fucking great and it still feels awesome being with her. She's always really cool, telling me that it's ok if I just do it myself, and can tell when I'm getting a bit frustrated with being on the edge for so fucking long.

I'd say the main thing is just to really take it slowly and not even think about it happening, it's a bit weird but the first time was really really slow and nothing like the feeling of doing it yourself at all. But it was very very intimate, and we're always looking into each other's eyes like a pair of fucking pussies, but to me it just feels really close and that's what makes me feel so comfortable with her. But just being there with someone, not thinking about anything else then the moment you're in and how good it feels as much as you can, that's what did it for me.

I don't feel that much different about myself or anything though, I mean she's made me feel alot better about things in alot of ways, in terms of anxiety especially, and it's something I'd given up on ever happening so I was pretty amazed when it did, so I'm just really happy that I've found someone so awesome really.