1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

I'm addicted to porn that relates to others having sex with my wife

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by ChrisE, Oct 9, 2019.

  1. ChrisE

    ChrisE New Fapstronaut

    3
    4
    3
    Hello, I'm addicted to seeing my wife have sex with others and watching porn that relates to this, however it has now become an issue in our relationship
     
  2. ChrisE

    ChrisE New Fapstronaut

    3
    4
    3
    ok hope so
     
  3. First and foremost, there's no shame in viewing that the of porn (we aren't bad people or sick people). In fact, it's one of the most viewed types of porn our there among married men. Very popular genre of porn. So don't beat yourself or think it's weird, etc. Now, personally, I've had to realize that genre of porn isn't good for me or my relationship with my wife. Nor is any porn for that matter. So I'm in the process of continuing to retrain my brain which starts with not viewing ANY porn....and slowly but surely things change for the better. This type of fantasy does/will subside when we starve it...as will other types. Then I've had to explore healthy sexuality--what does that look like for me and my wife. And then my own self esteem issues. This stuff is complex! : ). But the journey into a better way of living without porn is sooooo worth it. BTW, one of the most popular types of porn (based on google/search data) for women is rape fantasy. The reality is women don't want to be raped...just as I don't actually want some other man having sex with my wife. It's the fantasy that excites...the imagination, but not the reality for most of us. So we don't need to think we are less than as husbands for these fantasies. They are thoughts not actions...and if we starve the porn, our thinking will change.
     
  4. ChrisE

    ChrisE New Fapstronaut

    3
    4
    3
    The thing is that we have become swingers and I have watched her have sex with others many times, the problem is that I'd rather watch others have sex with her or watch cuckold porn than have me have sex with her. Then when I do have sex with her I have to imagine that she's just had sex with other guys so that I can cum
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  5. You both get to decide what's healthy for you. It seems the swinging lifestyle, the porn, and how you feel about the fantasizing needed to climax are bothering you. Have you discussed it with your wife? Maybe something needs to change. Remember the saying: if nothing changes, nothing changes. Good luck on the journey.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 9, 2019
    Fallensoldier1 and Christoph108 like this.
  6. Sounds like you are objectifying your wife and that you get aroused by thinking of her as some sort of object. This has a lot to do with your porn consumption. It's definitely a cuckold or some sort of jealousy or voyeurism fetish. If this is getting in the way of your relationship it probably wouldn't hurt to seek advise from a professional relationship therapist or sexuologist.
     
  7. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

    1,464
    1,625
    143
    Sounds like your PMO stuff has fucked up your mind, man. Just like one gets attracted to gay porn or transgendered person porn although he isn't originally gay......by watching Porn, the idea gets planted in the mind. Just like in INCEPTION. You deserve to have a loving relationship with your wife and have great sex with her. You're the man, its the way it was supposed to be. But Porn fucks us all up, man. Few years ago there weren't many videos about incest, now there are plenty of 'em. Somehow P makes fucked up scenarios normal.

    I hope you can get professional help if you can afford it. If you cannot, the first thing I wish you did is to quit Porn. Don't let it destroy your marriage. Get out before its too late, man. You need to introspect, since when did you have thoughts of your wife being screwed by other men??? its all Porn fucking with you, man. You have to forgive yourself for whatever has happened and be a Strong man.

    Porn is making cuckolds of all of us, man. Lets not be one. Lets be the men that we were supposed to be, that we always dreamt of being...
     
  8. If both you guys enjoy the swinger life I see no issue with it. Sounds like a very interesting lifestyle. Id definitely quit the porn and see if that helps your sex with your wife. It cant hurt and we all know porn is destructive. If youre no longer interested in the swinger life then thats something you need to discuss with her.
     
  9. It sounds to me as though you view your wife as an object to be used and not a person to be loved.
     
  10. mattyjsy

    mattyjsy Fapstronaut

    215
    193
    43
    From an evolutionary standpoint, being aroused by watching another man with your woman makes zero sense, its is almost exclusively a product and result of pornography.
     
  11. Homelander

    Homelander Fapstronaut

    My porn fetishes also escalated from hetero to cuckold and sometimes I imagined my wife being used by other men whilst I get sloppy seconds.
    Luckily none of this became reality for me, but I can imagine some people cross their own preset boundaries in order to get the same dopamine stimuli.

    Remember there is always a way back even if you went deep in the rabbit hole. This just means your recovery might take longer.
    You will only recover if you go cold turkey: No Porn, No Masturbation and No Swinging, only normal sex.
    But you already knew this, so why are you not doing this?
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2019
  12. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

    1,403
    1,140
    143
    If she didn't leave you after this, she has to love you a lot.
     
    AngelofDarkness and +TenPercent like this.
  13. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

    243
    224
    43
    How bout have sex with her with a mirror so you can enjoy the view?
     
  14. I'm in a similar boat atm....of course my wife would never be up for it, but I've been sharing her pics and vids on Xhamster, and talking to other blokes who I'm trying to engage in them having sex with her...one of my fantasies is double vaginal penetration with me and another stranger on my wife....sick, I know, and I'm trying to fight it; but this battle is real. I already deleted my Xhamster account twice, but It keeps coming back.
     
  15. I was in the same boat.
    I made a thread called ”shared pictures of my gf” if you want to hear my progress story.
    I used to upload pics of my GF, getting reactions from others regarding her body, MO, and then take it all down, repeatedly.
    Always made sure not to combine face and body etc.

    I didnt realise that it could hurt her, but once I realised, I decided to man the fuck up and tell her. When I had told her it was easy to stop.
    This was like a year ago, we are still together and she is supporting.



    I believe these kind of behaviours are hiding something on a deeper level, in my case it was probably the fact that I was afraid that my ”fetish” would hurt her, thats why I ”acted out” online instead, hearing others talk about her in ways I didnt dare doing.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  16. Man, can totally relate! After M over the comments from strangers, I'd take down the pics then feel really guilty...only for it to happen again! Vicious cycle...!
     

  17. Exactly, you end up feeling like a piece of shit and it only drags you further down..
    You should read my thread, maybe my story can give you motivation and provide you with anything helpful, i have been struggling with massive waves of shame, that was my biggest issue after quitting.
    Theres also this other guy who replied to me, telling me that he had done exactly the same things for the same reasons, it has been really helpful talking to him and sharing our stories - you are not alone man, theres at least 3 of us here. Dont hesitate to send a PM or anything, I/we are happy to be able to talk about this and help eachother!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  18. Cheers mate! Ill check out the thread an follow it :)
     
  19. I understand. Ive been there as well. One of my favorite things to do was share pics of my wife with other men online. I liked skyping with other guys and showijg them her pics while we talked abiut what they / we would do to her. We would masturbate on cam while we discussed it. And like you, one of the main things i was interested in was double vaginal and double penetration. Idk why the attraction to that particular action was so great, but it was. On top of that I wanted to clean her up (with my mouth) once the guy had finished in her. Crazy stuff to think about now. Even though ive been off pmo for a while now, the thought of some of that stuff is still interesting to me.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.

  20. Yea, I don't know why I find it such a turn on...double vaginal penetration. Just the concept of it, and I just loved staring at videos of it for ages.

    Really sick concept really, animalistic in nature.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.

Share This Page