My Woman

I feel a weight of obligation to tell my girlfriend of 4 years about this. I know I simply discovered the existance of my addiction last night [see my introduction http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?16960-Hello ] but I really don't want to tell her. I don't know if I am looking to be talked into telling her, or talked out of it. 50/50 I guess right now.

She knows I fap. I've openly talked to her about fapping. She asked about P though and I told her no. She's asked quite a few times... "what do you do when you fap?" and that's been more than once. She lives with me, and she does a lot of laundry. I always only wear black socks, so the white socks I get for christmas... you got it... fap socks. She knows this and since she does the majority [I haven't done laundry in 6 months] of the time, she knows I fap a lot. So I can understand her curiosity.

She found an old P DVD I had from maybe 5-6 years ago that I just happened to have left in an old gym bag that I haven't used in years. [I got a new one] Naturally I declined ownership and said it was my buddies gym bag and he just never came back for it. She must know. I've never been caught. Yet as I stated before, there is plenty of evidence of the fapping which I have been open about.

I believe she will think I have cheated on her. I think this is partially because of my anger toward myself, and that I feel like I cheated on her. Oddly enough, I never did think that until tonight. She said yes to getting married [eloping in a month] and I don't know if I should keep this from her. I love her and have every intention of getting married very soon. I just don't know what to do about it. I don't want her to look at me like I am a creep. Or like I cheated on her. But she is extremely supportive of me and would be a great anchor to have. Nobody would understand like she does, but I don't want to let her down. Maybe because of the pain I feel now for letting myself down. I don't want her to feel like that either.