Need some advice brothers

Hi I'm on day 17 on NoFap I'm in a much better place then where I was before I'm 18 and I'm still stuck in class 10 and that's my fucking weakness studying from last 2 years I've been procrastinating so much that now I'm here I fuckung hate studying I hate the fact that's instead of working going out following my passing singing or playing the guitar I'm fucking putting myself into something which is making me hate myself my fear is to open the fuckung book and reading the first pages and yeah I always used to be a good student until life fucked me and no I'm not depressed or some shit like I really wanna do all these things so fucking bad right but I just feel empty I take care of myself I'm confident in kind to people I respect them and since I'm on NOFAP I'm not having anger bursts that much but lately I do feel angry like when I'm sad and stuff i choose to express anger cuz the only fucking emotion guys are allowed to express at the same time I really feel god has been really kind to me I'm really grateful I have a beautiful family which loves me I'm healthy I have the opportunity to do cool stuff like NoFap and experience life but at the same time I feel sad cuz the people I love have expectations for me and I fucking break their heart everyone by not meeting the expectations ik whatever happens they'll still love me but they have faith in me I always wanted to joing the air force or be a commercial pilot but at this moment in really not sure bout my future I feel sometimes that I won't be able to make it and beacsue I've mostly stayed at home cuz of repeating the year again and I'm repeating grade 10 for the second fucking time my parent think that I'm fucking studying but no I'm scared I fucking procrastinate sometimes instead of studying i spend 20 mins styling my hair even tho I stay at home all day except going to gym or stuff also I've never fucking had a girlfriend that's not sowmthing which I taught I'll ever be sad about but Its cook uk when you have a womens to share your life with go out with her all this feel like a fucking dream sometimes anyways got my fucking exam next week still in 50% prepared for the both subjects I don't wanna get failed this time man I'll probably kill Myself or something if I get failed I never wanted to be average Pain is the only bestfreind I have so after exams I'll finally be fucking free not that I'll not have to study cuz I'm not doing that right now anyways but I'll be free to go out and breath be more passionate about body building finally fucking learn how to play guitar and sing cuz singing sad songs have been my low-key escape it's where I find solace and peace and tears who knows I'll maybe go on a monk mode or something but then again I'll get my results in July what happen then eh? What if I get failed again like I got last 2 times the fucking embrssmetnt I'll bring to my FAMILY my mum had faith in me I don't want to let them down I don't want to still be in class with guys who are 14-15 and me the only fuking guy who's 18 with a beard and a moustache and that's basically my fucking life right now I don't even know which emotion I should feel and yeah I used to spend more than 12hrs a day edging,Instagram,sexting being a shit person but it's been a week since I've stopped edging no fucking peeking and no Instagram no social media I've been meditating taking cold showers and hitting the gym everyday mostly for the past 2 months
I need some advise gentlemen what should I do right now where should I focus right now
Thanks!