Putting Words Out Into The Universe

Greetings fellow fapstronauts,

I'm a 30 year old male trying to quit porn like everyone else here. I am married and have a 9 month old son. Masturbation and porn addiction has negatively affected my wife and I's sex life. I sometimes have difficulty becoming aroused and obtaining orgasm because I masturbated either earlier that day or multiple times the day before. My wife is beautiful and I love her. Being able to be intimate with her is the best gift. I want my addiction to stop negatively affecting that.

I'm also rather unhappy in my social and work life. I don't have many friends in the community I moved to several years ago. I'm less outgoing these days than I used to be. The more I look at porn the more I retreat inside myself. I am not performing well at my job. I put off work I know I'm supposed to be doing by masturbating, sometimes in the bathroom at work. I then feel ashamed of both the looking at porn and the not getting my work done, so they compound on one another.

I have been addicted to masturbation as a form of stress relief for about 15 years. The first 10 I used television, movies, photos on facebook, and personal fantasy. The last 5 years I've started using porn that calls itself porn.

I am giving up porn and masturbation. I'm maintaining orgasms within the parameters of my marriage. Today is day 0. I masturbated this morning and had sex with my wife earlier this evening. My timer started at 12PM today.

My first goal is to make it one week. One week feels short, but I've only made it a week several times since I started masturbating 15 years ago. There are positive effects on my marriage when I can even make it a few days without fapping. After obtaining the one week goal, I will continue up to one month. I will join the monthly challenge for February. The real goal for me is 90 days. From there I want to reach one year and the rest of my life. First things first: One Week.

 

Thank you so much for the advice and the welcome. I don't have a plan for what to do when I feel urges. I know it's often when I'm either on my phone or computer and I want to avoid something or something stressful comes up. You are absolutely right about what is important. I can focus on that.

 

Thanks! and congrats on going 17 days strong. We're on our way!

 

I made it 24 hours! Sunday mornings almost always get me. Small victories.

 

Today is Monday morning. I’m home alone with my 9 month old son. He is napping right now. Feeling an urge, but not acting on it. I’m typing this brief message, doing laundry, and making work phone calls instead. Keeping busy.

 

Working towards day 3, just have to make it through the morning. I am in my office this morning, me and the computer. I'm not monitored, so this is generally a time when I'd PM. Yup, looking at porn and masturbating at work. Very normal. Wastes a lot of time. I'm a pastor, btw.

Having the accountability of this community makes a big difference for me. I've told myself I'm going to stop a thousand times. I rarely make it a day. But before when I would relapse and keep the same old patterns, nothing would happen. I didn't have to tell anyone: no accountability. Being accountable to more than just myself is enough to push me out of the habit longer than I usually go. Thanks for existing, nofap.

 

I gave in today. Resetting the day counter now. This sucks. It's really hard. I'm not giving detailed accounts in the journal right now. Blahhhhhhh