Success Story

Hi I've been on and off with this site for about 3 years.
I started off trying to break the addiction but usually slipped or relapsed every few months. Finally, I was able to break the addiction afters lots of trial and error. However, even today I must remind myself that I always have to stay vigilant and this addiction can attack at any moment even after years of being away. I felt tons of shame, despair, and loneliness when I started this journey. I also felt plagued by low self esteem. My romantic relationships were non existent or were very infrequent and unhealthy (unavailable women, unstable women, being treated poorly etc). I now live a completely different life. I have been dating the woman of my dreams for the past year. I am productive now and not always obsessed with porn or fantasy or unrealistic desires. I am more confident, clear about how I want to live each day, and feel monumentally happier, healthier, stronger, and spiritually connected. That's the long story short. But wanted to give you all a sense of the journey. I also want to point out that getting the girl is not what this is about. It's about strengthening and deepening your relationship with yourself and as you do that, your life transcends and transforms.
To give you a sense of my sobriety. I haven't PMO'd in about a year and a half. I haven't done MO for a year either. I watched porn about 8 months ago and saw some triggering stuff on social media about 5 months ago. I also don't use a counter because in the beginning it hurts too much to see the days or lack of days and it made me too obsessed with day count. You have to what's best for you though. If day counter helps you great, you have to get to know yourself to find out what works the best. So here are my suggestions:

1. Separate porn and masterbation. Do not do them together under any circumstances. This is for people who really have trouble stopping. Separate them. Break the addiction. You'll find your more addicted to only one of these and the other will drop off. Also I am not completely against MO by itself but it doesn't work for me. Porn is the more destructive activity out of the two, but still better to eliminate if you can.

2. Find behaviors/activities/ things to do that replace the porn. You have to get excited about life. Find new hobbies. Go to the gym. Get really motivated about something. Even if it's just hanging out with friends or taking a walk. Anything really. But I've learned on my journey that certain behaviors really do give me a pleasure to the point where I'm like "porn? no thanks." Here are a list of suggestions: meditation, yoga, exercise, gym, work out classes, hiking, art, dance, museums, writing, bike riding, music, concerts, building, reading, book clubs, seeing movies, spiritual talks, spiritual and religious activities. Connecting with a higher purpose or something spiritual is a great way to snap out of porn craving.

3. Get support. You don't have to announce to the world that you struggle with porn. But there are support groups out there, therapies, etc. For instance: cognitive therapy, hypnosis, EMDR (for trauma), somatic therapy, energy healing, acupuncture, 12 step programs, health clinics, support hotlines, websites such as this one.

4. Stay out of the house and start being more social. Even if you consider yourself an introvert, plan your day so you won't be sitting at home on Saturday night alone with your computer. That's a recipe for disaster for many. Plan your schedule so there's no room or time for using porn! You can plan your day out to the point that everything is mapped out and then when it's late at night you'r tired and you go to sleep. If you struggle with insomnia do something about that.

5. Get to know yourself and get honest with yourself. Porn is a lie. There are so many lies associated with porn. Get honest. Know when you're most likely to use it, make it unavailable then. Hang out with friends when you think you might use it. Be real. Stop saying things like "oh this is what guys do.." or "I need this" or "just one more time" Or "it's not that bad.." "it's okay" "I'll be fine" "It's better than x y and z" It's all lies. Get to know the truth.

6. Blockers. This is a must. If you're a crack addict trying to quit you wouldn't have crack easily at your disposal. Make it really hard to even get access. There are tons of blockers out there. Everyone should be using them. No excuses. I've heard them all.

7. Know and understand that your life will improve and be so much better without porn. Porn is toxic and sabotages everything all areas of life, especially love, romance, self esteem, and career. I could write more about this, but unless you fundamentally understand that porn will destroy or severely damage the quality of life, the idea of quitting might not be taken as seriously as it should.

8. Don't beat yourself up. If you slip, just learn from your mistakes and move on. Get back into life and all the positivity. Don't use it as an excuse to relapse or use it everyday. Chances are if you're slipping, its an indication that something is off and you can use that to learn more deeply about the problem/issue.

Best of luck...