I've Never Told Anyone Until Now

Hey everyone. I'm 19 turning 20 in a week and I started watching porn since I was 11/12.
It started off as a curiosity at first and I did it very rarely, since it was risky and there was a high chance I'd get caught.
My dad passed away when I was 13 and since then it became a struggle. I used it to numb the pain for several years, and then after talking to people I eventually got over his death.
The porn usage still continued throughout high school, though.
As I started college I joined a support group that consisted of my childhood friends that I grew up with. We meet about twice a month and share about our struggles and joys since the past time. I've learned to grow vulnerable and share with them my deepest struggles with my dad and how I struggle with my spirituality (we are a Catholic group).
However the one thing I've never ever shared with anyone is my porn addiction.
Makes me wonder - am I truly vulnerable with them? (Probably not) Am I actually close with them?
I grew up in a very reserved and secretive family - I was the youngest, so my upbringing and influence of family has a bit to do with this. However another factor is obviously the fact that I am afraid of what they would think of me if I told them this. Nobody else has shared on anything like this so I don't feel comfortable sharing about this topic. I'll literally share about anything else.
My username is b-v-o-y and it stands for best-version-of-yourself.
Since I started college I made it my life goal to be the best version of myself. I began to make goals for myself, I started to journal and see areas of my life that needed improvement.
Life's been great these past couple of years and I've improved a lot and had a lot of wakeup calls.
But I notice that I still use porn, and that does not align with who I want to be. If anything it has only set me back. I have been able to learn and improve despite using it but I know that I can only unlock my full potential once I fully quit.
I don't use it because I am depressed, nor do I get depressed when I use it. I've learned from that and grown from it - to be less harsh on myself when I do fall back into old habits.

It has taken up nearly have of my life. But today I decided enough is enough. I'm almost 20 soon, and while I can't put a timeline on any of this stuff I'll do whatever it takes to recover as soon as possible.

I look forward to meeting all of you and us helping one another. Life's short, and we all do what we do because we think it'll make us happy - but while porn gives us pleasure it does not give us lasting happiness.

 

Feel free to ask me anything.

 

Thank you all for the warm welcomes!

I'm giving this with all I got. Going strong so far. Thanks for all of the tips.