Time to find some support

Hello Fapstronauts,

What do I say as an introduction to the community?

Maybe the first thing is that it’s been a long time since I participated in an online community. Yes, I have social media, but I haven’t participated in an online forum since the early days of the Internet (I’m a bit older than I like to admit). I found offline relationships more satisfying, and online seemed to take away from those, so I walked away. I’m working on writing a book, and I’ll need to promote it eventually, so this could also be good practice for when that time comes. Bear with me as I get re-acclimated. As for more about me, I’ll share as time goes on, whenever relevant.

It wasn’t porn addiction which brought me here. I have battled other addictions in my life. Some I overcame, while others are a work in progress and will likely always be (I’m also quitting smoking again, with a few weeks in). When others speak of an addiction I haven’t had, I tell them the only difference between us is that I didn’t have the opportunity to develop their addiction. We all have addictions to something (with maybe a few exceptions – there are always exceptions when speaking of humans), and porn is just another drug of choice, one that does not involve an external substance.

No, I came here because I’ve been fapping since I was at least 4 years old, once a day before sleep, and occasionally more often. It was a nightly ritual, ingrained before I even knew what I was doing, and it didn’t seem possible to ever quit, even though I have always felt a sense of shame over it. I once heard a joke, as I’m sure many have, that 90% of the population (faps), while the other 10% lie about it. Everyone does it, so I should just let it go, right? But the shame persisted.

A few years ago, an older gentleman I had come to respect revealed to me that he quit fapping. I was skeptical (to say the least) and he affirmed my skepticism, telling me he could scarcely believe it himself but that it was possible. I thought he was just one of those few exceptions I mentioned above, but it allowed me to believe it was possible.

When I read one of the numerous articles about this community, my belief moved into the realm of doable (you mean there’s enough people to form an entire community?!). I started to make attempts to quit. 3 days was a major milestone, followed by 5, and then a whole week. I even got to 3 weeks once and experienced what I now know to be “flatlining” which, as reported by others, scared me into fapping again (the orgasm was actually painful, a first). But 7-10 days seems to be the barrier for me: a moment of weakness, followed by caving to the urge, followed by a strong chaser effect that I can’t seem to resist until depleted, leaving me empty and ashamed again. After this most recent fail and seeing the pattern, I decided to reach out to the community.

Part of my motivation is spiritual. I don’t like being mastered by anything, whether that is an outside substance or my own biology. I have overcome a lot, but this is the most daunting challenge yet. Can a person overcome a (literally) life-long habit?

I now believe I can, and I now believe I need support for that.

With that said, I have found it more useful to help others as a way to help yourself. Accountability partners and groups have been very helpful in the past. Not only does it help to not feel alone (and I suspect part of my problem is isolation as I write my book), but when we help someone else, we often help ourselves.

So, my primary interest is in helping others here. I know that, if I commit to doing so, I’ll get what I need in return (it seems to be a law of the universe). Suggestions for how I can do so are most welcome and sought.