I'm 16 and this is my story</3

I can't figure out what to do and what I am doing. I loved her soo much from the very beginning, like 4 years ago.(I'm 16 now) It happened all of a sudden when a new girl entered our class. I can still feel how my WHOLE world tilted on the axis of those eyes. We had so much fun growing up. Haha I used to intentionally not bring my textbooks and pen just so that I could borrow hers. And touch those tender hands. I loved those days, which were perfumed with her presence and our immaturity. But happiness was really brief. And I hate to admit that I fucked everything up. I got jealous and needy. My anger changed me. I took her for granted. I was no more the old me. She too started distancing herself away from me. And without thinking twice I told her to break up. I can't believe I did that. She didn't reply. She just walked away. She blocked me from all social sites too. I couldn't contact her now. No contact, nothing. We used to sit together in the class. We even kissed sometimes in class secretly, holding hands all day, really tight and not letting the others fingers move even an inch. And now here I'm. Sitting a corner opposite of her. I tried so much to build the courage to talk to her, but she didnt care. Actually its all my fault. I hurt her, time and again, I apologized and she forgave, like nothing ever happened. She loved me alot, like more than anybody I know. Losing sleep for someone isn't what everyone can do. But she did. I remember those 3am talks that we had, listening to our favourite songs with earphones plugged in. Saying goodbyes was really hard, we still chatted for like half an hour after saying bye, or more specifically 'bwye' which meant 'be with you everytime'<3 We used to make weird plans about our future together and laugh at it. Imagining each other cuddling was the only thing which could help us fall asleep. And now here we are. Maybe she couldn't take it too long. Maybe I unknowingly kept pushing her away when all she needed was me. I can't even say sorry now. I feel suicidal. I feel like I'm missing a piece, a REALLY important one, maybe I m missing the whole me. I took my phone and scrolled through our pictures together, kissing, hugging, those moments we spent, when we used to meet secretly. When I was able to make her laugh really hard. When I was with her. And she was with me.. I don't know what I'm gonna do. :/ Tomorrow is our holiday and I can't meet her. It'd feel like an entire year I'm sure. I'm just so empty right now. Wish she was here with me instead of this lifeless darkness, wish I got to show how much I love her again. Wish

 

Guys, thank you so much. Yep I did talk! She said that she felt the same. I couldn't help but hug her in front of everyone in my class now this has become a reason why she is angry at me now, (playfully, ofc) I'd never let myseld change ever again. I guess love is superior to all kinds of addiction. Idk if we're too young, but we slept together yesterday, for the first time. Made love, for the first time. And woke up in each others arm. Damn, I have even forgot what porn was. If this isn't heaven, i dont know what is.
Lepage- Yup brother. Thats life. Unpredictible. Thanks for those words
Hunter-I'll always remember what you've said. Thank you I hope one day you'll fall in love. I'm not sure if a person of my age is allowed to give a small advice to the person of yours, but anyway just never be needy and cherish each moments spent with her. Because she'd be a gift, and only your love for her can open it. Love u all!

 

Haha I learned algebra at 9 I guess. Whats multivariable calculus btw?

 

Thanks everyone ) Hugs to you all!! I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster ride, sometimes elated sometimes depressed, yep all because of my addiction, which happens to be her. Right now, I'm doing kinda good. I just need some relationship advice... Please, a single word from anyone of you could make my day, and I'll never forget it. I swear...Thanks