How to start over after a relapse?

What is important isn't never fall, but always rise up.

 

You need to get to the root of the shame and address that. Why are you ashamed of your relapse? Because of your family, your SO, your religious beliefs? Once you've identified what it is, and it may be many things, you can address those individually. Perhaps you can't tell the person/people who you've let down directly, but you can do other things to make reparations for it. If it's more of a religious issue, don't be afraid to pray. Pray for forgiveness, prayer for strength, and pray for peace too. We can't get far without a little bit of peace.

You aren't starting all over. You are continuing on a path that you've stumbled on. You are trying to take the whole challenge all at once, but there's a reason we experience time in a linear fashion. All we have to do is choose to do what is right in the moment. You don't have to take on tomorrow's struggle until tomorrow, so just be content with the struggles and the joys of the present. Because there are joys. If you take the time to appreciate them, there are a lot of joys.

 

When feeling fapping urge, I think a person forgets shame, fear, everything. His whole mind is dominated by a tension that only masturbation will break. The problem is just trying to take the mind off it.
And yes, we get rid of many little or great joy occasions, overhelmed by fapping urge.

 

Echoing what others have said, in my experience, I believe it is very important to start your reboot with the right mindset. Starting a reboot because of shame, disgust, and self-loathing are not good reasons. Shame, self-loathing, and disgust are what get you to realize you have a problem, and you've already done that. You've already checked into the rehab facility, so leave your negative thoughts at the door. For many (including me), these feelings are what turned me to porn use in the first place and are exacerbated by it--a self-perpetuating cycle.

Give yourself a day or two to emotionally detach from the intense negative emotions that follow a relapse or binge. Once you have some space and clarity, rationally and honestly assess why you are doing this without the fog that heated emotions bring. Check your values, beliefs, deepest wishes for yourself, and see how these line up with the life you've been living.

When you can bring your intention to quit pornography into alignment with your values (or vice versa), only then can you hope to take action without dissonance.

 

• have a shower
• get enough water
• get some vitamins (which could be in fruit form)
• have a coffee and brainstorm what led you to this relapse, and how you could avoid it in the future
• workout what are your immediate priorities are your priorities for that day
• do 10 minutes of cleaning
• take a walk or do some for of exercise

 

Once you have beaten the thought pattern a few times. you start to reprogram. the first times are hardest.

But once you have experience under your belt. you just remember that you succedded before