I don't want to be a pervert anymore

I too have to admit to being perverted in a similar way to how you described it. I'm a virgin and have never been in a relationship, and for the longest time I had no interest in real life women at all because of porn and masturbation, after all why would I care about them when I had access to a near infinite amount of porn, in as many genres as I could conceive of? Years of porn abuse led to me developing multiple fetishes that only recently have I started to separate from my actual sexual tastes, and even then being a virgin makes it hard to even know what my genuine sexual tastes are. Its tough being stuck in this limbo, but ultimately all we can do is go backwards or forwards, and I sure as hell dont want to go backwards.

 

Yeah I completely agree, I've put of pursuing relationships until I know I've fully rebooted.

 

Don't feel discouraged. Just keep fighting. There's no shame in relapsing. Obviously, try to avoid it at all costs, but don't feel bad about it. That sort of negative emotion just makes me much more likely to relapse again. Instead, come here and let off a little steam.

Boredom is a dangerous thing. I find that meditation is helpful. Pick a time of day, e.g. when you wake up, and meditate at that same time every day. Soon you will start to develop a habit. One of the best ways of fighting PMO addiction, I find, is replacing bad habits with good ones. That way you have fewer empty spaces in your day where temptation can strike.

Hope this helps.

 

Don't let your O be the only thing that clears your head. That's not fighting the addiction, it's embracing it. Learn mindfulness, and if you are (or even if you aren't) a religious person, its a good idea to memorize a couple of bible texts to keep in mind. Have the self control to STOP fantasizing. Fixate on something, anything, else to get your mind of your objectifying thoughts. One thing I like to do is to try to get to know the person I'm objectifying. For instance, if its a coworker, I'll try to learn a few things about them, and then it becomes harder to see them as a sex object.

Let me quickly clarify something. While I am a religious person, I resent the "hardcore christian" stereotype that a lot of people subscribe to. I'm not that person. I'm not into religious guilt. I don't think that helps, but rather exacerbates the problem. The bible is, whether you believe in it or not, full of helpful proverbs and principals that anyone can benefit from. For a good example, look up Colossians 3:5. This is one I memorized to help with my PMO addiction. I just didn't want you to see me as some zealot spouting bible texts.

 

I came close to calling hookers before when I was at my worst, but never had the guts to go through with it, I would fantasize about it but couldn't bring myself to do it, i think i knew in the back of my head I didn't want to start another addiction, people lose a hell of a lot of money because of paying for sex and some end up broke and destitute because they are chasing something that always eludes them, something that never satisfies. The thing that's helped me the most in all honesty is going to a 12 step program which was actually for cocaine use but ended up being the solution to maintaining my sobriety from porn use too. Part of the reason i found 12 steps helpful is because you are around like minded people who don't judge you but encourage you to get sober. Addiction is an extremely difficult problem to overcome on your own. In time when you reach certain periods of sobriety other things will fall in to place, you will learn how to fill the time with more useful and productive things.

 

I do that exact same thing friend. It angers me because I know it wrong and disrespectful and then I feel an extreme guilt when I think of my girlfriend. We can get through this. If you need AP message me and we can work out the details. Best wishes, good luck and I hope to hear from you.