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The role of PM and PMO in a relationship : A beginner 's question

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by theforestkid45897, Aug 31, 2017.

  1. theforestkid45897

    theforestkid45897 Fapstronaut

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    Just for some feedback whoever faced a similar situation :

    Im going to meet my girlfriend in 12days and I want to NoFap until I meet her. Because I have noticed that it has affected my 'performance' in terms of my finishing time.

    We just started about 2weeks ago. I really want to make her happy, and she is the second biggest reason why I have decided to join NoFap, the first being to improve myself. She is my motivation and the apple of my eye.

    Long Term:
    Just wanted some feedback from those who has/had girlfriends and/or had sex while being on NoFap. Did it affect your personal journey to conquering PMO, and if so how.

    And how would just doing PM rather than PMO would affect the relationship? How did it affect the recovery towards a more meaningful relationship and was it better to do PM than PMO, especially since you're in a relationship.

    I'm not sure about the role of sex plays in NoFap, so input would be very much appreciated!

    Thanks guys! You guys are an inspiration <3
     
  2. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    Sex is an important and enjoyable part of my relationship. The experience of sex is a positive one that brings pleasure, intimacy and the feeling of being desired. P can only ever offer the first of those three things. Where using Pbwoukd leave me feeling guilt, loneliness and shame afterwards, sex leaves me feeling fulfilled, loved, desired, contented...

    I have been with my wife for many years, however, so your dynamic with your gf will be different. If you continue to have sex with her be sure to avoid using her as you would porn: simply a means to achieve your own pleasure. Look after her needs and pleasure as a priority and make sure it is a mutually enjoyable experience. If you can do that, my view is that you should include sex as part of your relationship. If you cannot do that and find yourself being selfish and demanding in bed, only concerned with yourself, then a no pmo reboot may be in order.
     
  3. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Hi,

    Don't think that PM without O is somehow better and that you can carrying on PM and save the O for your time with your girlfriend. Edging that way just screws up your brain and is worse if anything than PMO. Just quit P for good and focus your attention on your new girlfriend.

    ANH
     
  4. theforestkid45897

    theforestkid45897 Fapstronaut

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    @samnf1990 That's brilliant. Thank you so much! When you differentiated the feelings of mutual pleasure rather than self pleasure, as well as the feelings of intimacy and desire, really helped me to tell the two apart. Many thanks! I hope you and your wife are doing well!
     
    bluefry likes this.
  5. theforestkid45897

    theforestkid45897 Fapstronaut

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    @anewhope I think you're right. Edging is not any better. I've had that failure once, ended up going on a 5 day binge. It definitely is dangerous and sometimes misleading.

    I want to make me and my girlfriend to enjoy our time together, so I will only save my efforts on her. I just hope that by going this route that our sex will get better as compared to a clean PMO break. I don't think she would like that
     
  6. theforestkid45897

    theforestkid45897 Fapstronaut

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    If I may ask, I'm wondering what are your thoughts on PMO before having sex or PM while still having sex with your partner. I'm unsure whether PM while being in a relationship will help bring the intimacy and desire into the relationship, or a PMO is in order first to do so.
     
  7. Dr_prof

    Dr_prof Fapstronaut

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    Just a little note of caution. It may take a while before the sex becomes good with your girlfriend. At the moment the pathways and reward centre in your brain are primed for porn. There are different pathways for intimacy with a partner. These need to be strengthened over time which will happen by you abstaining from porn. Those pathways will shrink away from disuse. So be patient and spend intimate time with your gf and in time it will all fall into place. Just stay away from porn.
     
    theforestkid45897 likes this.
  8. theforestkid45897

    theforestkid45897 Fapstronaut

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    @Dr_prof, thank you for your advice and for the heads up. It'll help me to remember that it's a process and that it's normal if do find myself feeling that way. Many thanks!
     

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