90 days of freedom.

Hello. I don't have much to say that hasn't been said before. I'm going to give strictly my personal opinion. My advice might not work for everybody, or might not work for nobody but me, I don't know. I just know my own story.

I was an addict for 10 years. 10 years of daily misery, of constant struggling and suffering. One day -not long ago, after watching the movie Thanks for Sharing- I decided that I've had enough. So I decided to quit. I searched in Google, "quit porn", I looked up Gary Wilson's video and I ended up here. Then I started gathering all the information that I could. I made 5 guides, where I wrote all my "discoveries" on how to beat this, along with several synthesis from various books that I read during my journey. It took me 5 relapses to accomplish this. Was it easy? No, specially the first 20 days: I was nervous, shaking, unable to sleep properly, thinking constantly in porn. I used to feel that something was missing in my life, that I wasn't "normal". Then time passed and my body and my mind adapted to this new state. Nowadays I can't imagine going back to that hell. Because it was hell. A cold place of desperation and darkness, where you go to bed every night wishing to be dead.

What has changed in my life? Everything. I was forced to look at myself, at my emotional injuries, and I was obliged to fix every wound. As Ando said, this is a journey of reconciliation, of forgiveness, of loving and accepting yourself.

Knowing how to beat this ("the strategies") is just a small part of the task. First you have to ask yourself if you really want to quit forever or if you just want to reduce porn use. Come on, be honest with yourself. This is your life we're talking about. As I see it, there are only two paths to take: the path of freedom and the path of porn. If you choose the first one, you'll find peace at the end of a long journey but you'll have to pay a price. The price of "never again". Never again you'll hide yourself from reality with quick pleasure fixes. Never again you'll see women through the distorted glass of pornography. Never again you'll masturbate. Why not masturbation, you ask? If you're like me, tell me, how much time do you think it will pass between masturbation and going back to your old habits? One day? One hour? 15 minutes? Are you really willing to risk everything just for a few minutes of pleasure? That's a price too high for me, a price that I'm not willing to pay anymore, not now, not tomorrow. NEVER.

To get here I had to change my values, and my philosophy of life. I'm not here to advertise anything, so I'm not going to speak about mine. You'll have to find yours. Ask you the fundamental questions: what am I here for? What's the purpose of my life? Where's my life going? It's never too late to change. Choose whatever it suits you best, but please, leave hedonism behind: if you still seek pleasure as your only goal in life, you aren't going to beat this.

How am I feeling now? In peace. I feel joy for the little, every day things: my cats playing in the garden, the wind that shakes the grass, the birds singing in the morning when everyting else is in silence.

Do I still have cravings, three months afterwards? Yes, but I kill them right away in my mind. There's a buddhist technique to kill lust: imagine the body of the woman in a state of decomposition, or imagine the body with all its "impurities":

"Impurity of the body means that we should reflect on the fact that beneath the covering layers of skin, our bodies and those of others are composed entirely of filthy, smelly substances such as meat, bones, blood, pus, phlegm, saliva, excrement, urine, etc. Not only that, body fluids are excreted through nine apertures (mouth, ears, nose, anus, etc.). If we stop to think carefully, the physical body of sentient beings is hardly worth cherishing".

Remember, to love real women you'll have first to kill your fantasies. Focus and what's real and go for it. Leave behind your past, work for the present, which is all that you have.

There's hope and freedom for you, my friend, but you'll have to kill your old self to become free.
Remember again, "free forever" can only be supported by the word "never".

Thank you for reading.

Galaxim.

 

Thank you all for commenting. Right now I've temporarily returned to NoFap, as these last few days I've been feeling going towards the "one peek won't hurt" mindset. I'm not talking about hardcore, not nudity, just those apparently harmful pictures and youtube videos that we watch to start arousing ourselves. I'm a veteran (I was an addict for 10 years): I know how this begins and I know how this ends. So I prefer to end it before it even starts. You've to be extremely tought with yourself if you want to overcome this: all the things that can harm you or others must be cut off immediately. No stupid fantasies that accomplish nothing. No victimization "but I'm so lonely", "nobody loves me". No anger and no guilt. We have to stay focused all the time, with our objetives in mind. There's no excuse to keep on masturbating and watching porn.

 

Thank you!! Yesterday was particularly hard, but I kept repeating "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul, and I will not masturbate today". As Henley's Invictus poem says, we must have an "unconquerable soul".

Replace those words (or the words that help you the most) until they stick inside your brain. Other words that I've used are "no matter what, I will not masturbate today". Repeat them outloud, stand up, talk to yourself in front of the mirror. Again, and again and again, until your inner addictive voice will be forced to shut up.