Made it 60 days...

60 Days no porn... days 31-60 have been harder because a lot of drama has happened. No porn to be my crutch. I have to deal with things outright. Sometimes it got so bad I've contemplated quitting many time. But I never quit and I have willpower. My main goal is P. MO is kind of impossible without P for me. Been there done that and won't bother. Plus I'm married so MO will happen regardless. But for my goals it's just P that is the problem.

I've learned that I have to make the definition of porn my own. The first 30 days I thought OMG if I see something sexually suggestive my mind is going to melt away back into corruption and thats just not the case. I have a tad bit more willpower than I think. I've seen suggestive commercials, I saw a movie with very suggestive content, and women in person leaving little to the imagination. I've had all these external triggers but it resulted in nothing. It's been whatever and who cares. Now with that said I'm still attracted to pretty faces and very big breasts. That will never change but I can put it in its proper place 80% of the time. There's no way I'm going to avoid this sex sells crazed world. It's something I've learned over the last 60 days and sticking with it. As long as I'm not creeping, searching, and looking at porn I'm on the right track for me.

In other news I no longer have sex dreams, I don't wake up with a raging woody, and I have less sexual tension. With porn I was having sex with a different woman every night in my dreams. Not the case anymore. I don't have guilty conscience dreams either. I manage to now get a raging woody seeing my wife naked. I've also noticed it creeping up when we kiss. Sadly, I hate feeling like a 12 year old boy with a woman I've been married to for 14 years!

My wife is proud of me. I constantly visit this site and show her my tracker. Also, my psychiatrist has given me a thumbs up on my endeavors. She sees a lot of patience who are Bipolar like me with some sort of sex addiction. She's happy I've included my wife in getting clean. No secrets!