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Real life, fantasy, love

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Tonytone, Sep 9, 2017.

  1. Tonytone

    Tonytone Fapstronaut

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    Just wondering...what if I fantasize about the girl I'm in love with and never touch myself. Can I re-train my brain? I'm only thinking about her in real-life situations. (Cuddling, kissing, teasing...being intimate). I'm only touching myself to piss, shower, adjust and scratch an itch. Can I imagine myself in a real-life situation and make this work? I'm in love with this girl and I don't want my broke, fucking dick to be a problem. Thanks, guys! And girls!
     
  2. gingeralan

    gingeralan Fapstronaut

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    Are you in a relationship with this girl or do you just admire her from afar?
     
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  3. Tonytone

    Tonytone Fapstronaut

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    She's a girl who I'm very much in love with, but my dick was dead. A horribly, humiliating time.
     
  4. RickDC23

    RickDC23 Fapstronaut

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    I'd say stay away from sexual thoughts if this is what you desire, do not fantasize too much and start talking to her.
    (If you haven't already) not masturbating will make you feel less anxious, just remember is like any other human being.
    If you stop putting her on top of you, you will get her to notice you.

    It could be as a bf or a friend, even being friends you can hug her. And that's what you've fantasized so far.
    Do not hesitate, and jump in. What could gone wrong?
     
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  5. Tonytone

    Tonytone Fapstronaut

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    I've never slept with her, (because of PIED).
     
  6. RickDC23

    RickDC23 Fapstronaut

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    What do you mean with PIED? I forgot what this mean.
     
  7. Tonytone

    Tonytone Fapstronaut

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    Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction.
     
  8. RickDC23

    RickDC23 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I also had this kind of issue too. I know what you mean.
     
  9. Tonytone

    Tonytone Fapstronaut

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    I understand that it's fantasy, but it's a loving, quality fantasy with a girl I love. I know we've all heard about visualization techniques. Why wouldn't this work just like that? What could be negative about visualizing positive things with a girl I love and care deeply about?
     
  10. gingeralan

    gingeralan Fapstronaut

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    I think the problem is, while the fantasies seem genuine enough, you presumably hope they will move on to something more, and this could lead to you turning to some porn if you get turned on. If I were you I would try and do things for yourself, make you proud of you.

    I am just going through a divorce, and I think the main reason is I was so obsessed with being in a relationship, and thinking it was so essential for my own happiness, I forgot about myself. Trust me, you don't NEED a woman, you need to be the best you that you can be. Once there, consider inviting a woman to be part of that. while you are having problems, I don't think imagining a situation like that would be helpful. And by that I do mean, if you consider yourself to have a PMO problem, a relationship would be the furthest thing from my mind. If you go out and find a woman that you wanna fuck, no strings that's different, but don't go putting this woman on a pedestal (I know '40 yr old virgin', but its a good film, and makes some good points) which you are doing by the sounds of it.
     
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  11. Tonytone

    Tonytone Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much for that! I've put women on pedestals before and have ignored my own wants or needs, which is a character trait I hate about myself. I think this stemmed from my PMO addiction and feeling like a complete piece of shit about myself, causing me to feel almost inferior to the girl I was dating. It really did a number on me, not feeling like a man. Feeling weak and inadequate.
     
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  12. gingeralan

    gingeralan Fapstronaut

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    If you haven't read it yet, look for 'No more mr. nice guy, by Robert Glover' Really great book. I have read it about 3 times now, each time I get something new from it. Helped me lots!
     
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  13. Tonytone

    Tonytone Fapstronaut

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    I'll definitely look into that. Right now, as a matter of fact!
     
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