2nd attempt at stopping

I would suggest couples counseling. I think just about any marriage can benefit from it. If there's something else going on they should be able to help you identify it and give guidance to address those issues.

 

So he only quit PMO for 90 days? That's not long enough for you to make an assessment on if NoFap had any effect on him. He needs to do it for at least a year, sometimes longer. He should be committing to a life totally free of PMO, and allow himself to have you as his only source of sexual pleasure, I think that's part of the problem here. Counseling is a great idea, but try having him totally give it up for longer to see if that helps. In 90 days he could still be in flatline with no desire. What is happening is his body is resetting itself to his innate sexual desire that takes time. He has had PMO as his stimulus for so long, and that is what his body craves. If he does not have that, he has no sex drive. It will take time for him to get back to associating you with sexual pleasure. You say he used to have a sex drive, and i have no doubt he did, but porn killed it. He needs to take the time to allow it to come back. A few other things, he may be angry at you and anger is a libido killer. He's angry because he sees you as the person who took his pleasure away (PMO) he feels controlled by you, and that may be because he has not yet realized that PMO is the problem, he thinks you are the problem. Does he otherwise seem angry, how does he feel about NoFap? Did you ask him to do it or was it his choice? Generally if a man comes to it on his own, he is more motivated. But if he does not if he is only doing it to keep you or on your ultimatium then he may be angry. He's also angry because he looks bad, and was caught lying. He likely has a really hard time accepting how much he screwed up, and instead of being angry at himself, the person at fault, he may be angry at you because he sees you as the reason he was caught. Other thoughts on intimacy. Many men who are PMO addicts get there because they have intimacy issues, avoidant personalities. As I say a lot on here, almost every PMO addict has some other underlying mental health issue. The PMO part is usually not all that hard to stop, IF he deals with whatever the underlying issues is. This is the case with addictions of all kinds, not just PMO. So his intimacy issues, may have always been there, that is why he turned to porn to cope and soothe his feelings. Finally, if he has had any sort of ED problems in bed with you on a regular basis, he now associates sex with failure. If you commented on or pointed it out (even nicely) that makes him feel even worse. PMOing is so much easier, he does not have to worry about feeling like a failure. There is a chance depending on his age and medical conditions he may have low T or something, get that checked, but its doubtful. In this situation there is not much you can do as a SO. He needs to make the choice. You can seek out couples counseling and go yourself if he refuses, and individual counseling for him as well. You can continue to discuss this with him, and maybe refer him to NoFap. But as frustrating as it is, he needs to fix it. You can help, but its on him.

 

90 Days is really just an average. All depends on the length and severity of the problem

 

I would say, 90 days is a bare minimum to even get started on the recovery journey. Remember what we say on this forum all too often: SOBRIETY IS NOT RECOVERY - It's just a small part of it.

 

I posted this quite recently. I think it explains the recovery process very well.