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Wet Dreams, Loneliness and Stream Writing

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by skyheart, Aug 19, 2014.

  1. Aug 19, 2014 #1
    skyheart

    skyheart Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, I've been trolling the threads for a while. I've got almost 60 days, started some new habits - meditation, prayer, and stream of consciousness writing early in the morning (where you write down 3 pages of whatever comes into your mind)

    The last week has been a little brutal. Feelings of loneliness and longing as I rediscover a healthy perception of women - I just want someone there to hold and comfort, and to love and be loved myself. This all comes now that I've sorted out the false belief that all women should be porn stars or act like the women in the videos, or be like the women I heard rapped about in the rap songs for so long. Who can relate to this loneliness? I've got a few friends and a healthy social circle, but this rediscovey of women has created a longing that quite intense!

    And then last night I had the beloved wet dream you all talk about. Although it wasn't realy that great because, although the dream was vivid and very real (with people from my daily life) nothing physically actually happened. In my dream it was epic, but there wasn't a full release. The other thing was that my dream ended in my Ming in the bathroom rather than actually having intercourse with the girls in my dream.

    Needless to say, my stream of consciousness writing this morning was very sexual, whereas other mornings it tends to be a bunch of jargon. But it was a healthy was to express the tension I was feeling this morning after having been left hanging in my dream (physically).

    This last 60 days I have noticed a change in my dreams - the last few nights I have felt this purging and rewiring of my brain. It feels awkwardly healthy, but these new things are challenging to walk through by myself. Can anyone relate?
     
    skyheart, Aug 19, 2014
    skyheart, Aug 19, 2014
    #1
  2. Aug 19, 2014 #2
    NotALoserAnymore

    NotALoserAnymore Fapstronaut

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    I'm witnessing your same feelings about womem. I was scared of talking with them (I posted a thread about it) and now that my view of them is changing I am pondering about a serious partner, and honestly I don' t want a partner for sexual purposes but instead I want someone to share part of my life with, so I can relate that to your same feelings. I think that happened because now we love ourselves more than before, we are starting to feel emotions in a real way, no more blinded by our addictions. For me it was a bit different however, I totally lost interest towards women because of my addiction for hentai, and instead of seeing women as sex objects, I viewed them as something unknown and untrustable. Now that my opinion towards them has changed.

    I had a wet dream too, but it was very different than the usuals that people have.

    It had 2 girls; one on the right and one on the left, their expressions were blank, doing nothing for the rest of the dream. We were sitting infront of an old computer screen that was showing some kind of NSFW material I used to fap to, and suddenly I felt an urge, the strongest I could have. I was almost giving up, but in that dream I felt a stream of consciousness that stopped me from relapsing encouraging me to get away from there. Then I woke up in my bedroom, my sister shouted "MY BROTHER QUITTED PORN AND MASTURBATION" in my native language and then, my mother came in my room: I expected her angry for discovering that I used to watch those things, but she was smiling, like she was proud of me, and then my dream ended.
    It was like I had control for a moment of that dream and it turned from a wet dream to something different.
     
    NotALoserAnymore, Aug 19, 2014
    NotALoserAnymore, Aug 19, 2014
    #2
  3. Aug 19, 2014 #3
    skyheart

    skyheart Fapstronaut

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    YES! Strong work with that dream. I'm still convinced that our subconscious has a way of helping us to grow and rewire us and show us how it will look when we act and behave in a sexually and emotionally healthy manner. For example, you wouldn't have had that courage in real life, but now that you've dreamt it, you can see yourself do it and be reminded.

    Same thing happened to me two nights ago. I had a dream where I could get it up and be aroused while making out with a girl, experiencing a real intimacy.

    I think the strangest feelings of not being able to hide behind PMO are the emotions of sadness and loneliness. Which is why I feel meditation and spirituality are so important. I've found myself crying a little lately, but at the same time crying tears of joy because I know that there's a healthy, loving relationship out there for me.
     
    skyheart, Aug 19, 2014
    skyheart, Aug 19, 2014
    #3

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