Is porn good but we just abuse it?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Blackenglish2017, Sep 20, 2017.

  1. Blackenglish2017

    Blackenglish2017 Fapstronaut

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    I'm thinking that porn can be used as a tool of not cheating on your wife, and a porn star once said it has saved many marriages. I'm also thinking that porn could be used to learn new sexual positions and activities between you and your partner. Porn is has influenced Hollywood for example 50 shades of Gray etc etc.

    Maybe it's us men and women that abuse porn. I myself used to watch it religiously while in a relationship for no reason. There would be times I would be at work while watching it. I'm thinking this is all my fault.

    I'm trying to find answers like everyone else.
     
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  2. 8level8

    8level8 Fapstronaut

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    As with anything else in life, the use or abuse depends on the individual. A glass of wine each evening can be healthy but maybe a bottle a night is too much and can lead to health problems or addiction. For most of us who have joined this group, there is no, "just a little" because of the way we react to it. An alcoholic cannot just have a sip or a few mouthfuls of alcohol. So, there may be benefits of porn for some people (not cheating on your wife) but they would only use it at a minimum and will not be negatively influenced by it. Good luck with your effort. The heartening thing is to see many people making an effort to become unentangled from a trap that we've set ourselves.
     
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  3. NewManV

    NewManV Fapstronaut

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    I used to think the same thing, that in small doses it is ok. And maybe it is. But like you said, we all have probably gone WAY overboard. Maybe if it's used in a fun kinky way like watching porn with your significant other, it isn't as bad. But after the issues I've gotten from using it too much in past years, I want to try and move beyond porn. Hopefully find a real and amazing woman sooner than later. I'd choose that over porn any day.
     
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  4. I don't view porn like alcohol. I think a better comparison would be porn and crack cocaine. It's all worthless shit that, even if done in moderation, won't improve your quality of life one fucking bit. I would know since I've done both.
     
  5. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    If the use of porn is negatively effecting you in any way you need to stop. It does not matter if its good for others or not. Some people can view it in moderation others cant at all. It does not stop cheating studies show men who view it are more likely to cheat. I suppose its because to them they need more than their partner. And no women dont want you to recreate porn. Porn is not real sex. I'm female. It does not teach you what women want.
     
  6. Got to Overcome

    Got to Overcome Fapstronaut

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    Short answer: No

    Longer Answer: Porn actors say a lot of things. Has porn saved a few marriages? Maybe, though I think it's important to learn all of the details of the relationships of those who claim their marriages were "saved" by watching strangers have sex, as I'm skeptical that porn was the key factor in keeping those relationships together.

    Can porn be used to enhance a couple's sex life? Again, it might, but it would be far superior if the couple spent time discussing all elements of their sex life, determining what is good about it and how it could be improved, and then setting about doing what it takes to make those improvements. My sex life with my wife has greatly improved over the years, and it has nothing to do with learning wild new positions and techniques. These improvements are largely due to increased communication, increased familiarity with one another, and the deeper love and concern we've developed for another as our relationship has progressed.

    Regarding your point about porn influencing Hollywood: I'm really not sure what you're getting at. Are you saying that because porn has influenced mainstream films, it's now acceptable? If yes, I definitely don't agree.

    Anyhow, the point is that porn may have a couple of minor benefits. I'm doubtful it has even those, but for the sake of discussion, let's concede that it does. Now, what are the disadvantages of porn? I don't think anyone on here needs reminded, but let's review: it decreases your concern for others, as you become totally consumed by the fulfillment of your own sexual desires; you learn to value people only for the sexual excitement they cause you to feel; you are led to ever more strange material, as vanilla material no longer delivers the dopamine releases you seek; your sense of self-worth plummets, as you hate the fact that you lack the resolve to quit watching it; it wastes massive amounts of time you could have used to learn constructive skills.

    So while porn might possibly have a couple of very minor advantages, it has a plethora of disadvantages. Therefore, I don't believe there is anything good about porn, and I'm convinced that no one should ever watch it, even if one attempts to do so in moderation, or in an educational manner, or whatever the justification may be.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2017
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  7. Border_

    Border_ Fapstronaut

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    Ultimately it comes down to what kind of worldview you want to subscribe to. People that use porn and especially make a living off it have a strong motive to construct a belief system that supports their actions.

    The addictive effect of porn may have similarities to alcohol addiction. The mechanisms of addiction are the same no matter where they manifest. But the two things of themselves are very different. Alcohol is a good thing that can be misused. It isn't inherently bad, it's just an object.

    The truth is that porn isn't good. Porn isn't a neutral object. The act of it is inherently bad and can never be good even if some people believe they somehow experience benefits from it. Sex is supposed to be an expression of intimacy and love in a committed relationship. Pornography is a gross distortion of the act. It diminishes the dignity of those who participate in it and those who watch it. It isn't good spiritually, emotionally, and even physically. Resources like yourbrainonporn.com show proof for this.
     
  8. HeavyTiny

    HeavyTiny Fapstronaut

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    So, there has been a big increase in publicity for alt porn, like porn made by women, porn-positive feminists who see porn as a way to improve body confidence etc and sex workers in porn who are taking control of their careers. I always find it so strange when people talk about porn as though it's a fun recreational sexy thing thing to do. I have never ever had a healthy relationship to porn. I can't imagine how it could be part of a healthy lifestyle because I was an addict or destructive with it right from the first moments.
     
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  9. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    There are hard drugs and soft drugs.

    Because porn changes the brain its a hard drugs like cocaine, crack, heroine..

    Ask a junky if doing cocaine on moderation is ok he will say no because it can cause you to do more then moderation
     
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  10. Inspire360

    Inspire360 Fapstronaut

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    Porn is the devils work. Lets say that if you dont wack yourself off every now and then you encounter a woman who DOES want to sleep with you. Fine you'r still emotionally attached to gratification but atleast you get social value, recognition , your body is working out, you are relieving stress and all the other physiological benefits.
    Then you can move on to having a commited relation to some 1, and you will see that even more beutifull things can grow.
    There is a real SOLUTION to your sexual desire, but you can get to KNOW how it works & why.
     
  11. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Porn is in no way like alcohol. To think it is, you would either be of the prohibitionist persuasion [a Puritan], or of the 'everything in moderation' school. And a curse on both houses.

    Here's the crucial difference - alcohol is not an inherently vicious thing, a glass of wine is a good in life... but too much of a good thing and you get the problem. This is where 'everything in moderation' applies.

    Porn is different. It is not a good, but an inherently vicious thing/ activity. 'Everything in moderation' does not apply to vice/ vicious activities [a la Aristotle]. They are to be completely avoided in order to live the Good Life.

    The puritans lost the ability to draw important distinctions such as these.. indeed the ability to draw distinctions in general. They lived by rigid literal black and white rules. But today, we similarly are lacking the ability to draw distinctions, and so we think everything in moderation, with no discrimination* between vicious and virtuous activities. This is understandable given that Puritanism was the fore-runner of Rationalism.

    *discrimination.... from discrimen = boundary... the practical/ intellectual ability to draw distinctions
    Notice how this word 'discrimination' is used in a negative/ pejorative sense today. This reflects the dumbing down of our mass culture.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2017
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  12. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    All psychedelic drugs are bad because they distort and impede the Good, which is in this case the intellectual development of our minds. The mind that pursues excellence should experience something of a natural high - namely, joy and a sense of well-being.
     
  13. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Well, I disagree, a serious point was being made as to whether moderate porn consumption is a 'good' thing like the occasional sip of wine. Many, perhaps most, think it is fine... with the problem only thought to come with addiction.

    This is a serious ethical question. For if we consider porn ethically/ morally wrong then that will have implications on whether there should be a serious effort, at the public level, to restrict its consumption by minors.

    Science can not help us here.
     
  14. I you have healthy initmate sexual relationship with your SO then you don't need porn. If you haven't SO then porn will stop you by finding one.
    For me it's enough to fuck off of this shit.
     
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  15. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    In my opinion porn is more like alcohol, and that is because I have seen many ex boyfriends be able to use it in moderation, with no issues. I have viewed it with them. My best friend and her husband watch together all the time and having an amazing marriage. I think if you are exposed to it younger, and if you look at it too much, or alone that i when it gets damaging. To some people it is highly addictive. But I think most people who get addicted would become addicted to something else if it were not for porn, they have underdeveloped coping mechanisms and often times underlying mental health diagnoses. Porn is not the symptom, it does not make you an addict. Something about you makes you an addict. It is just like how some people can drink alcohol and not have issues. I think the increase in porn addiction can be related to many things. But the increase in all addiction I think is due to the failure of people to develop the skills they need to live in life. I am 40. The way most people parent today is so different. THey protect their children. So in the US we have colleges with counseling services overwhelmed because kids are having nervous breakdowns if they get a C. We are becoming a society where people cannot cope and addictions are rampant. Those that are addicted to porn see it as well this is not all that bad I could be snorting coke, or getting drunk. To those of you that say porn is inherently bad, I think that is primarily because of your perspective. It is hard to be objective. If you have never been the type of person who can causally look at porn you cannot possibly imagine that anyone else can. Not everyone that uses porn gets addicted, I did not and I can give you countless other examples. Everyone that uses cocaine, and heroin gets addicted.
     
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  16. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Mostly agree:

    1] I also don't think porn use is necessarily addictive. Still, I personally don't think this excuses people from using it. I can think it is morally wrong, for my own reasons, yet also think those reasons are universally valid given the nature of moral language. I don't consider porn bad only because it is potentially addictive... but because it's bad in itself. Morality only comes into it here as in the title of the thread you have the question whether porn can be good.

    2] I think adolescents/ minors need to be protected, one way or the other, from exposure to porn as they are not yet adults/ developed enough to make their own choices.

    3] Yes, more often than not, there are some underlying emotional issues that lead to addictive behavior.

    4] Yes, the pressure to perform in modern society can lead to a lot of anxiety, which in turn can lead to forms of escape involving addiction... which are is the ultimate slavery.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2017
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  17. PasterofMuppets

    PasterofMuppets Fapstronaut

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    Cocaine is not a psychedelic, and some very intelligent people use psychedelics with no side effects. I wouldn't, however.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2017
  18. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Ok, so a strong stimulant. Yes, I read somewhere that even the great Michel Foucault dropped a tab in death valley at the grand age of fifty something. Apparently, the trip influenced a turn he took in his thought.

    Back in the day, when we did psychedelics at university, we took them seriously, as like a spiritual search of sorts, inspired by 'the doors of perception' kind of thing. But I think it's all a bit misguided, and something people will do in their experimental youth. If our politics and culture wasn't so alienating to adolescence, I doubt there would be such an attraction.
     
  19. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Agree with you on all points. I have friends with young sons and the idea of how porn is going to shape their views scares me. What's worse is that most of their Fathers are of the belief that it's normal to look at. Everybody has their own morals and beliefs I respect them all. But what's incensing is that if you oppose porn or say anything against it you are perceived as some religious zealot and immediately dismissed. I'm not religious at all so my stance on how damaging it can be has nothing to do with religion. I was on a comments section for Dear Abby this week and a woman wrote in whose husband was clearly a porn addict and she was hurt because he was denying her sex in favor of porn. I would estimate 90% thought he was doing nothing wrong and it was her fault. Things like she must have denied him sex so he had to use porn, it did not say that. Or men have a higher sex drive (total myth) she let herself get fat (what about him), she's not kinky enough, she won't do what he wants in bed etc. men are more visual poem and the solution was for her to have more sex as if that would fix an addiction. The scary part is that it was almost as many women as men who said this. Men also had the belief that they had the right to have sex with their wives no matter what. The men particularly those using porn never stopped to think that the reason their wives did not have sex with them had to do with them. None said maybe they were bad in bed or had gotten fat that idea was insane to them. Even if they did see that point it did not matter that deserved sex. Whereas a woman who wanted more sex was blamed for behavior making her less desireable. I'm not sure if this is porn or what! Likewise it was across the board deemed okay for men to lie to women about their porn use because all women hate porn and asking them to not use was unrealistic. The women were called insecure with mental health issues. Then of course called religious fanatics. The hard core fighting and anger by men on not taking their porn was shocking. I don't like porn I would love to ban it but I'm also a realist and in the US that will never happen.
     
  20. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    I dissagree :
    http://fightthenewdrug.org/why-watching-porn-with-my-husband-was-a-bad-idea/
     

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