Will i ever be able to get "bi?"

could always find yourself a sexually dominant partner and let her peg you lol

 

Man, it would be nice to put this stuff in NSFW quotes.

 

Women always get sort of insulting towards me when I come off as "kinda gay." Like just a couple hours ago, I was talking on the phone to my lady friend, and I used the word "silly" too much, and she was like "well that's just your favorite word, isn't it" with this insinuation like I'm lisping "oh you silly billy." But the thing is, I've talked a lot with this lady about who I am and my kind of sexual feelings, which is mainly that I'm very dominant by nature, but I've lost interest in sadomasochism since becoming hyper-empathic from an ecstasy overdose, and she's even encouraged me in redefining my sexual nature by introducing me to the music of Prince, who is quite the womanizer, yet not in the traditional mold of dominant males. She knows I'm not bi. I've only had sexual experiences with 2 guys and I didn't even finish either of those times. Meanwhile, I've had 50 or so women who all satisfied me quite well. That proves heterosexuality better than having never been with men.

Whether women are accepting of bi-sexual men is that age old "what do they want" question, and I tend to believe that if you stay coherent about your sexual feelings and what interests you, and introduce yourself to a lot of women on the same scene, eventually one will step forward who will accept you. Women tend to gossip and giggle like retards about such things. She might be fat, and you'll still have to jump through hoops to seal the deal. Probably after that, she'll still start grooming you towards the heteronormative mold. Or I think maybe there are emotional phases that women go through, and it's good to be sweet at first until they become receptive to the sex and then whip out your masculinity. I can't really say. But women will accept bi guys, and you even have the advantage that a lot of women like to taunt guys by calling them gay, as their chin fat rolls in rhythm with their obnoxious croaking frog voice, and you can just be like "yeah well I am bi" and that would shut them up there. Though I still prefer "not gay, you want me to prove it to you?" But a woman punched me once when I said this. How you gonna insult me and then get mad when I have a witty retort.

See but anyway, there are a couple women who will accept a bi-guy. And I've seen bi-guys work a scene pretty well, because they can't be challenged on their masculinity. Emasculating dudes is one of the primary weapons women yield in their relentless quest for world domination. So bi-guys can stay standing on the scene much longer. You get other gays as enemies, women friends, and you avoid dick shaking contests with dominant males, because you can scare them away with homophobia. Yet, in terms of sealing the deal the bi-guys fall short. Women like tough manly men. Maybe if you find some fat loser girl who practices druidry and is bi-sexual herself, you can get to her through a long talk about your feelings and lots of cuddling. But even at that, she's gonna dump you if a real man comes along, just like you would dump her if a real woman came along. You're better off lifting weights and praying the gay away. Or going totally gay and forgetting about women. Or getting rich. If you're rich, you can have both without anyone complaining or trying to change you.

 

You listed the reasons why I am scared to date women. They will just think that I am using them as a front which for me is bullish*t. It is so hard to be manly (according to what society thinks and percieve) if you didn't have a father figure growing up. But I dont want to be manly whatever that may mean. I just want to be and love as a person regardless of the gender.

 

I don't know about the society you live in. But in mine, as a young man, I have friends (girls and guys) who freely, proudly tell people that they are bisexual. No one really cares as much as you think. If a girl loves you she wouldn't mind in my opinion. There are so many aspects to a person's character other than his sexuality.

 

What matters here is how you feel about it. Like every action, choice, or decision in life that you make, you are ultimately the only person responsible and accountable for it. For better or worse, this is on you, and you have to make the decision and be true to what you believe. And you will also need to find someone who believes exactly as you do, because their views will have to match up with your views.

Listen, as a Christian, you obviously know what I believe, though perhaps not why. But what I believe isn't going to matter to you. What you believe does. So if you want to be bisexual and you think it's a good thing... then act like it and be true to that. If you don't want to or don't think it's a good thing, then act on that instead. But whatever you do, do it unabashedly. Draw your line in the sand. Whatever comes because of your choices, then, comes as a result of acting on what you believe, and that makes you true to yourself.

 

Just say it straight out. My friends have said that and one of my previous fbuddies was bi and I didn't really care.

 

Interesting thread. I consider myself bi, but I lean strongly towards women. I recently told my female partner this, and she was quite uncomfortable with it (and so were my last three female partners), but we worked through it. I think in the US, even in very progressive areas like San Diego (where we are), there is an unconscious belief that bisexuality is more odd than "just" being gay or straight, and that it is much more acceptable in females than males. International beliefs seem much different, and need to be handled differently.

You've made the first step - accepting that it is a part of you. You cannot expect other people to accept it if you haven't. There is nothing to be ashamed about. It is as much a part of you as anything else, like the size of your feet or your eye color, and there is no reason to pass judgement on it. Outside of some (in my opinion, absurd) ethical systems, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, and the burden of proof falls on whomever thinks there is.

That said, when telling a partner, be gentle. This is not an issue they've likely dealt with before. Sit down in a quiet place, and set aside plenty of time to talk. Preface it by saying, "There is something about me that I want you to know, but first, I want you to know that I am with you and want to continue to be with you, and not anyone else." This is important, because, in my experience, the main concern women have is that you crave something they can't offer (despite the crude comment above). Be genuine, be careful about being too defensive, and, of course, do not be offensive. Ask them to consider why it makes them uncomfortable, and work with them to overcome this. The whole process will likely take time, so be patient and understanding. It can be tough, but eventually it gets to a point where it's just a funny joke where you get to ogle male models together.

I have to strongly disagree with Dwizzy and Weiland that you have to find the "perfect" partner or someone who believes "exactly" as you do. My most rewarding relationships have been with people who were initially opposed, or, at the very least, had no opinion on the matter. What is important, as in any relationship, is that you are open with each other and communicate well about issues. There will always be issues in any relationship. The answer isn't to find someone else.

Finally, the question isn't, "are there women who will date bi men?" but, "is the woman I'm dating open to accepting me as I am?" Unless she's taking issue with some deep character flaw (like being a racist, NOT being bi-sexual), if she can't accept you, she doesn't deserve you.

 

I said what I said regarding unity because conflicting beliefs on things such as sexuality are usually very ingrained and very deeply-founded, and unless you find someone whose beliefs are complimentary to yours, you're going to be in for a pretty rough ride. If you want to agree with me, that's fine, but my observations have yet to cause me to believe otherwise. If you tell your girl that you like dudes and she thinks you're a pervert, then you're not going to get anywhere. Expecting someone to change is a foolhardy concept in a relationship - especially with millions of people out there.

You can disagree with my religious outlook, but the idea of an "equally yoked" relationship transcends religion and very much applies practically.

 

I never said anything about religion, except perhaps that ethical systems that shame the LGBT persons are wrong, but I don't equivocate those.

I am certainly not saying that you should "expect someone to change," as I specifically stated that they need only accept you. I can genuinely accept a partner who believes in God while still believing there is no God. People, and life in general, is not so black and white where you must check all of the boxes to be connected to and in love with someone, and maintain a strong relationship.

 

Well, on my end, sexual orientation notwithstanding, I'm instructed and encouraged to find a mate that matches me in the important areas - social, ethical, religious, and moral beliefs; basically all of the things that would conflict or butt heads otherwise - and the rest is either flavor or negligibly important.

And don't go pointing fingers about what is right or wrong unless you want me to start doing the same. Up until now, I've been rather careful to avoid such statements.

I especially disagree that you can have a partner who believes in God (a deist) and a partner who believes there is no God (an atheist). The former's life is devoted to the existence of God, whereas the other has no such devotion. The source of their morals and ethics will be drastically opposed. They'll never be able to come together as a united couple, as the believer will be constantly drawn towards his faith and the non-believer will have no draw or be opposed.

In any case, to return to the OP: Figure out what you want and take a stand on it. Find someone that's compatible with you. Just like I'm wouldn't be going to go find a bi-curious atheist chick but instead a dedicated Christian with a conservative bent, you should find someone who matches up well with you. If you're bi, find someone that's cool with that. Trust me - there are plenty of people out there that are...

 

I post this to try to benefit the original poster, not to be argumentative. Do not prejudge and dismiss people just because they don't match you on each point of your beliefs - there are much deeper connections than that, and good people can accommodate each other. Instead, look for a partner who inspires you, who amazes you and who nurtures you.

People judging people on their beliefs and surface characteristics (like skin color or sexual orientation) is what causes people shame and anxiety about who they are. Again, it is wrong.


Edit: I just got the pun in the title! HA!

 

I still disagree. And I don't think it's something you can see from my perspective without being on this side of the fence (figuratively, if you think about it). I see more depth and correlation when it comes to thinks like sexual orientation or beliefs. To you, they might be simply flexible aspects, but especially in a world where most beliefs are strong and unwavering (even, in some cases, in the face of contrary evidence), compatibility in beliefs and lifestyles is pretty important even just from a practical perspective.

I submit that it might very well be possible to develope "deeper connections" with people who uphold opposing viewpoints, but to walk in unity is nigh impossible when it comes to viewpoints that can't be compromised. The word compromise can be good or bad depending on the tone and function - for example, you can "compromise" to find a middle ground, or you can "compromise" your position/views/standards. Situations that would call for the latter cannot simultaneously invoke the former - they are diametrically opposed.

Or, in simpler terms, there are the things you bend on and the things you break on. Some things just aren't flex-worthy. And it has little to do with judging or micro-judging. If someone holds a strong opposition to non-heterosexuality, then there's not going to ever mesh well with a bisexual mate. It will erode their relationship. There might be acceptance, but views on sexuality aren't isolated, but influence and are influenced by core beliefs and fundamental values. Ergo, if someone is bisexual, they'll be very likely to hold values that fundamentally contradict the values of someone who opposes that lifestyle.

No viewpoint, decision, perspective, believe, or value is ever isolated in that it can be compartmentalized without also compartmentalizing everything that's related to it. Soon, you have a couple that are denying entire sections of themselves in an attempt to mesh with each other - and we're now right back to the exact issue the OP is dealing with.

Therefore, in short: find someone that meshes well; find someone who matches your principles and beliefs. It'll save you oodles of heartache and a potential for lots of major relationship issues in the future.

 

How about, first, introduce that you're bi. Then later, let it slip that you're interested in her.

Whatever you do, do it in that order.

It makes the difference between,
"Hi, I like you. Will you date me? But wait, there's this thing, please don't reject me."
versus,
"Hi, I'm a whole person, and I like these things. By the way, would you like to date me?"

The latter puts you in a much more attractive and stronger position.