60 days: If I can do it, anyone can

In less than 24 hours I will hit 60 days no PMO and I wont lie, I didn't think I would make it this far, this past month has been a lot harder than I expected it to be and I did have problems, but I think when all is said and done I am still incredibly glad I am seeing it through. My initial goal for this streak was 60 days (I later increased it to 90 and beyond) so it makes sense for me to do a write-up of my experiences with it. Anyway, here we go!

60 days ago I was at a low point in my life, nowhere near as bad as some of the people I've spoken to on this site but nonetheless it was pretty shitty, I couldn't seem to break my bad habits and my motivation, drive, and discipline seemed to come and go so fast I couldn't get anything done. I had a nonexistent social life outside of talking to friends online and had no idea what I was doing or crucially, where I was going. I was addicted to all forms of extreme pornography, from gay porn, to transexual, to femdon, all kinds of stuff that at the time I genuinely believed I enjoyed. I was *this* close to officially accepting I was bisexual and probably a few weeks away from revealing it to people. But then I realized, in a rare moment of clarity, that this wasn't me. I wasn't a repressed homosexual/bisexual, imprisoned by his own vices, I was just a shy straight man with a problem, a problem I resolved to fix before it was too late.

In the two months since I made that decision, the decision to TRULY commit to NoFap, my life has improved in almost every way. Like I said in my 30 day report I started a healthier lifestyle, exercising more and eating better. I started getting up early to go on walks with my family to spend time with them and enjoy nature. I stopped taking shit from people around me and found that people respect you more when you dont tolerate bullshit. I started reading books again after years away, broadening my mind and imagination. In the week since I've been back at uni I have started going on nights out with friends and having a great time, this is a far cry from my first year where I spent most nights alone with my laptop and a bucket of KFC to myself. I even got drunk with friends for the first time last Tuesday and as stupid as it sounds I had a lot of fun, its a memory I wont forget. Last year I was forced to work under an utter dimwit in my team projects, this year I made myself the lead. I still dont like my degree pathway for reasons I wont go into here but nonetheless its progress. I haven't had any real success with women yet but I am confident its only a matter of time. My porn induced fetishes are gone and my desire for real women increases with every passing day. My disturbing wet dreams have diminished in frequency and most of the time I wake up ready for the day, whatever it brings. I still stumble here and there but months ago I was a negative influence on myself and those around me, now I'm the happiest guy in the room. As I work towards my goals I hope to double down on my efforts and become even better. At first I was skeptical of NoFap but believe me, it works, you just have to be willing to make other changes alongside it. NoFap is the facilitator, not the be all and end all solution to every problem.

In thirty-one days I will hit my next milestone, the big one, 90 days no PMO, on the second of November 2017. Two days before my twenty-first birthday. Its fitting that as I reach that milestone in age, I finally feel like I am also approaching another milestone; finally becoming the person I always knew I could be.

 

I do think a lot of the site is overly negative, people want to wallow in pity and focus too much on what they are losing out on, as opposed to what they do have already. In the past 60 days I haven't even attempted to pursue a relationship (I want to fully reboot first) but I dont feel bad about it because I keep reminding myself of the progress I have made.

 

I've had this dilemma for years to be honest, the constant wondering over what the hell I actually am (not in an HOCD way, just in a genuinely unsure way) and it took me way, way too long to make the connection between my PMO habit and my lack of genuine sexual drive around women. It was when I started to realise that I had no romantic or sexual connection to men outside of the porn that I started to put it together, it was when I realised I felt the same about women too that I came to the conclusion I'm at now, that theres no real way to know what your sexuality is or even what your sexual appetite is when under the spell of porn. If after 60 days I had realised I was gay/bisexual I wouldnt have cared, it was labeling myself falsely that I was worried about.

 

My best advice is to focus relentlessly on what you stand to gain from NoFap and working for it as opposed to just hoping that NoFap by itself will help. I made the mistake of concentrating too much on the act of abstaining and it just led to relapse time and time again, but when I stopped thinking about it as much I suddenly started to succeed. Now I'm at a point where I dont even want to PMO most of the time, and when I do want to its pretty simple to just say no.