Porn made me gay

Well I no longer have an problem with Porn as I used to, yet I used to be a major addict on porn, and that altered my sexuality.

When I was growing up I thought I was different, but even so I didn't see myself as gay. I saw it as a sin then. Even so did encounter porn by the age of 11 for the first time. It was straight porn but I found it fascinating, but felt dirty at the same time. After that I do anything to get porn. At first it was straight porn I craved for, and eventually I craved for the more extreme type of porn. When I reached adulthood internet became available and then I was truly hooked on porn and at one time accidently stumbled on gay porn. After that I was hooked on it. It eventually became the only porn I craved for. I saw myself as gay due to that. At first I started sex talk online and through chat, then eventually I started outing out sexually with guys.

I would not have got to that point, if I was not hooked on porn. Even before porn I could not imagine doing some of the stuff after I was hooked on porn. I would likely not have acted out as well.

Even before i was hooked before gay porn I did wanted a girl friend.

I not going to go into details what I did, but it lucky I did not get HIV.

I now a Christian. I see all types of porn, as a sin. I feel a lot more with peace of mind now abstaining from porn than when I was hooked on it. Of course I have my moments of stress, however I rely on God to help me and guide me.

I no longer see myself as gay. I no longer act out sexually, or even look at porn. I still have temptations to go back to porn, but I see that it f**ks the mind up. I actually don't identify myself of sexuality anymore. For me since I am Christian I am defined by how the Lord Jesus sees me.

Of course there be people out there that don't think it is anything being wrong with being gay, and I not here to debate on it. We are on our journey and for me I not to judge, as only the Lord in Heaven can truly judge us.

 

What your story describes is homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder [HOCD].

This is not the pathway for people that are gay. Their sexual orientation is fixed and not related to the influence of porn.

 

Like I said I not up to debate. If someone wants to embrace on being gay, then I won't condemn them. It not my job to do that. Who said I want to marry a woman either, and my post did not indicate either. Of course one is unable to choose what sex they are more attracted to, however one can choose to act out on it or not as one can be free to choose. What if I don't choose to act out sexually anymore does not necessary mean it is a bad thing. However the culture today states if it feels good then do it.

 

Well I noticed that my same sex desires are not as strong now as when I was back going through porn. I still am tempted at times to go back onto porn, yet if I go back then I could be back to square one. I will see how it goes through the longer I abstain from porn as this addiction has been part of me most of my life. Once I truly overcome porn, then my mind can be rewired.