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Was losing your virginity worth the hype?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by beforeseptember, Oct 3, 2017.

  1. I know I am reaching out to a minority of nonvirgin people on this site, but I was wondering, a lot of these guys doing NoFap are doing it because they want to attract a woman and ultimately get laid. While this is not my motive, I have to ask, was the hype leading up to losing your virginity equivalent to the actual experience? In other words, do you think men expend too much energy on "bettering" themselves for the sole purpose of getting laid? Is it really that great?
     
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  2. HatePorn

    HatePorn Fapstronaut

  3. WreckTangle

    WreckTangle Fapstronaut

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    Yes. The first time I experienced that kind of intimacy was a very rewarding experience for me. Every species has that drive built in genetically as we do, or they would not be here anymore. Being as intelligent as we are we likely have a greater ability to enjoy the more subtle points of pair bonding and sex. I was also in a good relationship at the time which also helped me to appreciate it.

    That's a very different question :). It gets deep into what we are, what motivates us, makes us do the things we do and how we define success in life.

    The way I see it most of us just want to be happy and fulfilled. What we truly value defines how we should best go about achieving that. Knowing ourselves well enough to know what will make us happy is generally a prerequisite to getting there. I struggled with that for a while.

    I now look at success as how happy I am. Some men value money, pretty women, flashy cars, or power. The things that most make me happy are being able to support myself, feeling fulfilled and having a connection with people, specially my wife. Sex is part of that connection we share. I always knew I would not be anywhere near as happy alone as in a solid relationship. I did what I could to make myself a better person when I was younger so I would be happy later on and one part of that was to be able to attract someone to share my life with.

    So bettering myself was not for the sole purpose of getting laid, though to be honest when I was younger that was more of a factor to me than it is now :). But even taking that out of the equation I knew I wanted to be happy and have a good life, and bettering myself would just help me in general with that.
     
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  4. Plutonium

    Plutonium Fapstronaut

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    Losing ones virginity is a gateway not a destination. Don't focus too much on the first time - how was your first time riding a bike? - look forward to the world of romantic and sensual pleasure sex opens up once you've done it a few times and get to take off your training wheels.

    The actual first time depends on who you do it with. Eg, if it's her first time as well and you're both nervous and rushing then would you expect it to go well? If she's experienced, or you're relaxed and happily accept you're both novices trying to figure it out then even the first time can go well...

    Remember: sex is as much a skill as any other activity. We're not born knowing how to do it well. Find a girl you feel comfortable with and have fun learning together... And fapping is definitely not training for sex.

    On a moral level - never take a girl's virginity on a one night stand or when drunk or just because you want to lose your virginity. The experience is far more important for a girl, and should be treated with great respect. Better to do it the first time in a relationship so you get to do it many times over. So even if the first time is a bit of a disaster, you'll both figure it out eventually and have some good memories.
     
    WreckTangle likes this.
  5. Zapster21

    Zapster21 Fapstronaut

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    Yes! For me it was a totally amazing experience. However do it with a girlfriend you love, and not just through a random hookup.
     
  6. Bale

    Bale Fapstronaut

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    Life-changing experience. With a great girl who had had quite a few partners but ended up choosing me. She didn't know it was my first time. I was on day 10 at that time and just couldn't contain it while sleeping next to her :)

    Now if your sole purpose is getting laid, if that's enough to motivate you then I think it can be a start. But in that case you are focusing on an outcome instead of the process of self-improvement. Therefore it's not a healthy kind of motivation which will help you stick to your goals in my opinion.

    For me at the time, I did abstain because I wanted to show her the best part of me. So it was basically fear of rejection that motivated me.
     
  7. Tron22

    Tron22 Fapstronaut

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    omg reading those posts is more depressing then I though it would be. But at the same time I laughing when reading this reply. So many forever alone memes popped up in my head.
     
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  8. lamstronger

    lamstronger Fapstronaut

    My first time was kinda sad and funny :D, suffered from premature ejaculation during foreplay a lot:DD the next times were amazing
     
  9. corkscrew

    corkscrew Guest

    1. Sex is awesome
    2. Sex is part of a healthy balanced life
    3. Losing your virginity is a necessary step to having good sex
     
    Joe blow likes this.
  10. Haha, was not expecting so many responses. Just curious. I am a virgin myself, and losing it frivolously is not something I plan on doing. Thanks for the shared experiences folks!
     
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  11. It was not good at all. I didn't even get a boner. I hooked up with a prostitute.Even the second time I did it, was not a prostitute and could not wait to stop and put my clothes on and leave after it turned sexual, it was an one night stand.

    For me if I to have sex again, I wait till I get married.
     
    beforeseptember likes this.
  12. Plutonium

    Plutonium Fapstronaut

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    Leaving aside question of morality - was the sex itself good? Did she know it was your first time? Prostitutes are professionals after all - but I guess, as with people, no two prostitutes are the same.
     
    beforeseptember likes this.
  13. Definitely it was not. I not sure if she knew either as it was a long time ago. It was yuck and felt dirty after that.
     
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  14. Plutonium

    Plutonium Fapstronaut

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    Hopefully after all these years you now find it funny. Moral of the story - if you go this route choose your prostitute carefully.

    For a man how one loses ones virginity is not typically a defining moment of ones life.
     
    beforeseptember likes this.
  15. All I see is after I did that I had regret and even to this day it is one of my many no wise choices I experienced in life. Eventually I considered doing it and was a sex addict a part of my life and that another regret.

    Here is a former prostitute that regrets pimping a virgin:


    But if one wants to seek out a prostitute then go right ahead, however they can't control the consequences after they do that. Yet of course you do not see prostitution as anything wrong, and that your opinion and will not debate further into that or further discussing this topic.

    I just wish you well in your quest for overcoming PMO.
     
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  16. Plutonium

    Plutonium Fapstronaut

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    This is very different to your situation. Here the prostitute was herself a virgin. I have argued elsewhere that a girl's virginity is far more precious than a man's.

    I'm sorry you don't know me. Did you miss where I said: "leaving aside question of morality" and "if you go this route"? [my emphasis] I have not expressed any value judgements on the rights or wrongs of prostitution.

    Thank you. You too.
     
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  17. Ukulele

    Ukulele Fapstronaut

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    That's a great way to look at it. I lost it myself with a girl I didn't love back then, and now I can't even remember what it felt like. It was not worth it at all.
     
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  18. Perry2000

    Perry2000 Fapstronaut

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    No, it's not what I was expecting at all. When I was having sex I was just like, "ok, I am having sex right now... Great..."
     
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  19. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    I was amazed how, instead of feeling drained and empty afterwards, I felt connected, relaxed, and at peace. It was not anything like getting off alone. I did not feel as much like talking as she did, but I did not go immediately to snoring. I may not have been one with the universe, but it was as close as I had ever been, and I was definitely one with somebody else like I had never been before. I think that have had more intense O's alone, but then I always felt drained. There is something about working together, enjoying exciting them, and getting surprised, while sharing such an intimate experience that energizes, fills, and leaves us feeling like a man not a fapper.
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2017
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  20. WreckTangle

    WreckTangle Fapstronaut

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    If someone feels drained and empty after sex, they're doing it wrong :(

    Then again, I prefer to think of it as making love, but I'm an old fart so that may have an impact on the terminology too [​IMG]
     

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