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Need to start dating my wife again

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by marriedandgetnone, Aug 25, 2014.

  1. marriedandgetnone

    marriedandgetnone Fapstronaut

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    When my wife and i got married I had no desire to fap, even though it was a habit since I was 12 or 13 years old. After a few years porn and fap came back into my life somehow. One day my wife walks in on me playing 5 on 1... she was surprisingly cool in the moment and asked if she could join in the fun. Embarrassed and caught red handed I yelled no! And to get out of the room... after I apologized she said that it was normal for guys to do that and I shouldn't worry about it. almost 10 years have passed since then. Sex has sucked for the last 5+ years, with no romance for almost 2 years. I just found out last week that that incident about 10 years ago when she was honest and not trying to live up to popular opinion about what is "normal".... broke her heart and she felt like I was cheating on her. After doing a ton of research I realize I now have a problem when it should have been obvious when I realized I hurt her feelings. If I look back on the last decade I realize most of our problems have come over my obsession with when is the next time I'm getting laid.
    The short story of where we are at now is teetering on divorce she is no longer in love but wants to try and work it out.
    Separation or divorce is not an option. When I am NOT thinking with my little head I can't imagine being with anyone else. Despite the overwhelmingly obvious advantages I still have a problem quitting the fap habit. Porn comes and goes. But I don't seek it out on purpose anymore, it's usually accidentally triggered and escalates.
    I want to reboot (hard mode not by choice) so that I can date my wife again, learn how to be looking for ways to make her life better - instead of me first mentality... hopefully have her fall in love with me again, enjoy her as a person, best friend, life partner, travel buddy, and not as a sexual object.
    I chose my handle with a goal in mind that hopefully someday looking back and realizing how selfish of a person I was and how I never want to return to being that guy.
     
  2. justDONTdoit

    justDONTdoit Fapstronaut

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    Good look to you and your wife. Stay strong!
     
  3. Livingagain

    Livingagain Fapstronaut

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    Your story sounds just like mine though I'm probably in the earlier stages of this downward spiral. PMO is starting to really impact our intimacy and it's hard to believe something that starts off so innocent could have such an impact on our lives. I just joined and made my first post yesterday with my story.

    Best of luck buddy. Lets hope we can do it once and for all.
     
  4. ColorlessJoe

    ColorlessJoe New Fapstronaut

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    Awesome post. I am in an identical situation. Been with my wife for 10 years, and we've both recently realized how much PMO has affected the relationship. I have to believe that the intimacy can be rebuilt, especially after the benefits of NoFap become more apparent. It sounds like your on track to making that happen. Good luck marriedandgetnone!
     
  5. marriedandgetnone

    marriedandgetnone Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the support everyone. Today was a great day. We had dinner on the beach and the emotional connection was in the right direction. I shouldn't be surprised that my level of conversation was higher because getting action after dinner wasn't even a possibility. This kept me focused on what really mattered. .. the words coming out of her mouth. :)
     

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