I want love, not porn!

Thank you for that reminder. I have objectified women alot in the past as well which has blinded me totally as to what their characters are and how they really are as persons. Let's fight this and see women for how they really are and not just as pieces of meat!

 

</3

Good luck kiocosta,
These are wonderful reflections for men to have,
And they will make us fuller in due time.

 

your post gives a great description of the struggle. Very well written

 

great observation @kiocosta . part of our PA is because we forget that, and think the body and the sex is the primary thing. FUck no. it's icing, not the cake

 

I'm going to offer a controversial opinion: women like to be objectified by a man who is committed to them and they desire. This isn't my opinion, by the way; there was have been studies on it, like this one (can't post links yet): Women Like Being Valued For Sex, As Long As It's By A Committed Partner.

What they don't like is being objectified by someone who:

• They're not attracted to; or
  
• Is needy; or
  
• Has rejected them.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't value them as more than just for sex! Not at all. But don't swing to the other extreme either. Sexual attraction is primarily physical and that's OK. It's just not the best factor to base a lifetime relationship on.

 

As a woman I would like to say something on that. I don't like to be objectified period, I am more then just meat suit. There were phases when it felt as though my husband was overly excited with me and it was starting to be to much at times, it became a turn off for me. He was all about how sexy, my this, my that smacking my back side and such that I craved to have more meaningful intimate interactions with him. The best way to put it is during that phase I wanted to feel I was wanted by him for more then just my backside. I tolerated it for a time but I chose to talk with him about how it made me feel.
We women very much like to feel we are desired by our men. It feels good to know our men are attracted to us, what are the favorite sexy parts of us are to him. We want to see, know and feel that we turn our man on but in passionate loving way, we want to know we are desired by our partner.
Objectification for me is cold, distant and emotionally unavailable.
I hope this makes sense, should have been asleep hours ago so the brain isn't working well.

 

Thank you very much for that insight. Your post motivates me to keep fighting and become a better man to see women for how they are on the inside and not the outside

 

@Markant
I'm glad it inspires you, I still think I'm to tired to articulate what I'm trying to say appropriately.
I will add something my husband is doing now that I greatly appreciate is he is working on the self awareness of objectification with other women and me. He does his best to initiate sex if he feels that it isn't playing a part in it along with triggers so forth. He's working on making sure we are intimate on genuine level and not out of anything that would be attributed to the PA.
He still says that I'm sexy and such (I don't think I need to give further examples) but out of an intimate connection instead. I'm very proud of him for it. I feel genuinely loved, wanted/desired and respected by him. that ignites more passionate desire in both of us.
*A side note to think about, we as women are objectified everyday by men on the street and some men make it known to us by cat calling, car honks, gestures, comments and sometimes potentially threatening situations. You wouldn't believe what I delt with being a bartender for years.

 

I think men often don't realize that cat calling, car honks etc. aren't a compliment in the eyes of a women but just the opposite, degrading. The same as with what you stated earlier, the way he often lusted for you. We may see it as compliment but it can be just as degrading. I never consciously realized that.

It's great that your husband is trying to change his view and that you are sharing your feelings on here so we all can learn from that.
Highly appreciated.

 

Indeed objectifying is the worst.And that's why I hate porn so much. It destroys the connection with the other.

Love is beyond physical attraction and that's what makes it special and more intense.

 

@Markant

Absolutely, as a women who deals with this from strange men regularly (I think of myself as a confident strong attractive woman) I can say it gets old real quick. In my younger years late teens early 20's this happened a lot and still continues but not quite as much. I'm 41 and grandmother but most people think I'm about 10 years younger.
I have been in situations with male friends, acquaintance and a brother in law that have subjected me to some very unwanted (some physical) advances. I have had strange men come on to me verbally in front of my husband as well and won't stop even when I make it known to them. I am always aware of my surroundings and suspicious of strange men so you can say as I have grown older I'm far more cautious.
Now what I do appreciate is if a strange man respectfully gives me a compliment, (we as women can usually pick up on the difference with in seconds). In those situations I always say thank you. They never linger, stare or leave me feeling uncomfortable in anyway and I have appreciation for that. A true compliment for me from someone other than my SO is genuinely outside of sexualization.

From my SO I absolutely prefer to feel desired over lust. Like I said after being a lady bartender my views are quite distinct on that especially when drinking is involved. I have had men that even offered to pay me for sex and they didn't stay in my bar after that.

 

I see, thank you again for that insight, especially the difference of compliments and advances in your eyes. As a PMO addict it is hard to discern and I guess really important to repeat to oneself that oversexualization isn't the norm and that others see the world and human interaction differently.