Why did you quit porn for yourself?

More energy, more confident, I don't feel like a loser anymore.

 

I think the commentors are trying to say that sex for sex's sake isn't particularly healthy. It's not much different from being a slave to PMO. There's the general consensus on these boards that sex is meant to express intimacy with a partner, and sex work like porn and prostitution are dehumanizing, exploitive, and problematic for those reasons and more. There's also a mental health aspect, meaning that visiting prostitutes may represent a lack of intimacy in a person's life that poses a deeper problem than it first seems.

I'm not here to judge, but I sympathize with the posters, though I apologise if it feels like you have been attacked. Maybe you can understand why people are a little touchy about sex work here.

 

I don't fully agree but thanks for a thought-provoking and clearheaded answer. I need to re-evaluate alot of things in my life it turns out.

 

I’m using NoFap no only to heal myself physically but also has a part of a spiritual journal/challenge and self imposed penance since mid June. I’ve been in hard mode minus a few relapses since June causing me to reset the counter. I’ve kept every relapse to one explosive orgasm ( The more you abstain the more explosive they are even with a minor slip up) and then go right back to hard mode. The physical changes are awesome but my goal now is total hard mode til Jan.1 to really test the inner me.

 

The pornography use is the main reason for the penance. Porn made me feel dirty inside.

 

Inferior to sex complete with true intimacy, mutual respect, mutual desire and mutual enjoyment. Do you disagree? Why are you quitting porn? Do you reasons for quitting porn not also apply to the use of prostitutes? Perhaps our views differ here, there is a degree of subjectivity, but you cannot expect a forum full of people who have decided to reject and avoid pornography will celebrate and endorse the use of prostitutes.

 

Just out of interest do you also view as 'inferior' then the widespread NSA/one night stand type sex engaged in by virtually all young adults these days? Because prostitution is essentially the same thing except money changes hands. For a lot of people sex is just sex, you do it because it feels good. It's pretty much that simple.

 

Casual sex between two people is a mutually enjoyable act engaged in by both parties out of a desire to engage in such behaviour. Prostitution is a service where emotionless sex is delivered in whatever form as requested by one party, from someone who is engaging in the act for money, and most likely has no desire and little respect for the other person. Paying anyone for their company is sad, and paying them for that sort of intimacy must be especially so. Casual sex is not the same as prostitution for the above reasons, but the more emotional significance the sex has the more fulfilling and enjoyable the experience is likely to be. As such, a one night stand is likely inferior to sex in a loving relationship. It might be more exciting but it will lack the depth of respect and care for each other between the partners. Also, prostitutes do not simply have sex because it feels good. They have sex for money. There is nothing casual about sex with a prostitute, it is a transaction. Nor is there anything loving about it. Wouldn't it be better to experience the pleasure of sex alongside the positive emotions and attachments that come from having a partner who is actually attracted to you, physically and emotionally? Someone who wants more than your money?

 

I imagine if I became a famous person, a CEO of a big company or something like that, I wouldn't want to be a porn addict. My heroes don't watch porn. Fictional characters who inspire me don't watch porn.
If I want to be a great guy, a symbol and influence to others, I have to stop PMO.

 

Very weak argument. You were better off biting the bullet on my question.

As I said, prostitution is the same except money is involved. Just because her desire to have sex with me is contingent upon me paying her, how does that make it inferior? This is apparently the clincher, and you aren't explaining it.

Most of this can apply to NSA/casual/one night stand type sex, so I don't see your angle. Regardless, most of your points here are based on assumptions that are not necessarily true, which you can easily verify for yourself by actually visiting a good quality escort, or probably by just talking to one (a lot of the good ones are active on tumblr). Punters report all the time in their reviews how emotion filled the sex was, how much they desired each other etc etc especially if they've seen them more than once and have good relations. Just because the act involves money does not mean it therefore necessarily lacks in all these qualities. The reality is we pay for services all the time and that doesn't just instantly cheapen or demean or make artificial the service or the service provider as a result.

Why does intimacy get a special place? Why is it any more sad to pay for sex than it is to pay for a haircut? I find it amusing that neither the prostitute nor I actually find what we are doing remotely sad. We are engaging in a consensual mutually beneficial transaction, yet somehow its sad.

So you are defining 'inferior' as "emotionally insignificant." This is my point, a lot of people don't care about the emotional side of it as evidenced by the widespread NSA type sex that goes on. If prostitution is inferior then so is casual/NSA sex for the exact same reasons. You cannot have your cake and eat it. Besides, why are you defining superior/inferior sex in these terms? It seems ad hoc and derived from your own personal views about what good/bad sex is and should be.

Again, so? It's worth mentioning anyway that's not always true. I once saw a wealthy older woman who lived in a luxury apartment overlooking the beach. I asked her (after a few visits) why she did this and she replied "because it's fun and I like the lifestyle!"

Maybe, maybe not. It's a personal preference. Some care some don't. This is what I mean, it's not about superior/inferior or whatever you want to call it, it's just a different type of sex. Anyway, do you realise how much of modern day casual sex is similar to prostitution? How some women will only give it up once they have been sufficiently wined and dined or taken out and pampered. It's often just a glorified version of the same thing.

TLDR version:

- The essential difference (excluding the transfer of money) between sex with prostitutes and casual/NSA type sex can be brought to zero.

- Paying for sex does not necessarily preclude emotion, desire, respect, willingness, attraction etc.

- Prostitutes come in degrees of quality. Not all of them are dead-behind-the-eyes drug-addicted dregs of society. Admittedly, I had this impression of them too before I actually tried it and realised alot of them are just normal, cool, nice girls who like sex and want some extra cash.

- I don't care if anyone goes out and uses prostitutes - that's your choice. But if you're going to call me 'sad' because I do, you had better come equipped with some decent reasons. It just doesn't appear that you have any dude.

(edit: sorry I know this is the wrong thread for this type of discussion. Hrm, oh well.)

 

This is a an excellent question and certainly one that I believe would be a formative factor in laying the groundwork for long term success. I firmly, doggedly and positively believe that you have to take some time and spend it on a great deal of introspection before you can start to lay the groundwork for climbing the daunting mountain of physical and mental restraint to completely eschew something that has become so utterly and severely entrenched in your psyche. I have battled and fought with this formidable foe for longer than I can bear to call to mind. Long before I was even married (I still haven't found the courage to tell her - I know it would break her heart). There is no doubt that she is a big if not the biggest part of my desire to rid myself of this terrible sickness and quit; but it goes far deeper than that.

Selfishness (Its all about me and what I want and when I want it).
Greed (more , more, more , more , more...).
Absolute lack of self control (the mindless zombie moments of following nothing but primitive compulsion.. click , click, click , oh boy , how did i get here? Wait, is there more...CLICK , CLICK , CLICK.).
Emotional breakdown and preoccupied aloofness.
Constantly feeling ashamed and filthy (Polluted mind, body and spirit , tarred and dying.).
Never satisfied (always chasing a bigger , better , faster thrill for my eyes and mind to gorge and fatten themselves on - intimacy with my wife... what intimacy?).

The list is really endless ! I don't want to live a life addicted to something that makes me feel so worthless and depressed. PM is a curse ! I've overcome drugs , cigarettes and alcohol but still fighting with all my might to rid my life of this cancerous disease that blackens and kills everything it touches.

 

Well thought out and written post samnf1990

 

I thought you wanted me to clarify my position, not convince you of it. I'd be happy to construct a more watertight argument that counters your points if you want. What is NSA sex?

One thing worth pointing out is that a lot of us on this site were telling ourselves for years that there is nothing wrong with porn use. Nobody likes to think of their own behaviour as anything other than perfectly justified and acceptable. Our lives improved when we abandoned porn. The same could happen for you with prostitution, if you can be open to the idea of stopping your use of prostitutes. Aside from any arguments about whether the sex is better, worse or indistinguishable from sex where money does not change hands, you could begin the process of stopping seeing women as walking commodities to be acquired through a simple transaction or 'wining and dining' before giving it up. Perhaps you may be able to treat them more like human beings.

 

No stings attached.

 

Thanks for clarifying.

 

No problem. I had to look it up, it was a new one for this old fart

 

I do respect and treat them like human beings, that's part of my point which you have not yet grasped. Just because you pay them money does NOT, as a direct consequence, cause them to be objectified, have diminished self worth etc etc. You have too many preconceived notions about prostitutes that have no basis in reality (Hollywood's fault, really).

As always I am open to changing my attitudes, values, beliefs etc. but only when there is good reason to do so. The arguments against porn consumption are very convincing. The arguments against using prostitutes are extremely weak.

If I was looking for wide support I would go to a red pill forum. But I don't care about that. Truth is not determined by mass appeal. Some people on this forum could benefit from using prostitutes (as I have), and they should know there is another side of the argument before they make a (hopefully rational) decision.

 

@Ash22

I actually felt like defending you at first as this is supposed to be a non-judgmental place and I didn’t want you to be scared off and not be able to use this place as intended. I can’t speak for the original commenter, but to me it appears she is calling going to a prostitute sad and not you.

“As I said, prostitution is the same except money is involved. Just because her desire to have sex with me is contingent upon me paying her, how does that make it inferior? This is apparently the clincher, and you aren't explaining it.”

See I have to disagree here. She doesn’t “want” sex in any way. Not for your money. She just simply wants your money. She may be able to act like she wants sex with you and enjoys it, but she simply wants your money. If you gave her the money and allowed her to walk away without having sex, I bet she would. Now add a pimp to that scenario this starts getting real sad.

These one night stands you speak of, for the most part both parties actually want sex it they wouldn’t be meeting up with you for free.

IMO any sex like that is bad. For many reasons, but mostly because of STD’s. If you have a SO and you are doing this, then you are putting them at risk too. Completely unforgivable. As you could literally be killing them.

If you want to use prostitutes that is up to you. I hope you get tested regularly. And if you get in a relationship I hope you are honest with your partner about your past use. I personally would never want to be with someone that uses or has used prostitutes and thinks it’s okay.

 

I also feel I should add that coming to a forum where people are battling sex additions, porn use, etc and trying to “sell” them on prostitutes is highly inappropriate. That’s like going to a forum where people are trying to stop using drugs and telling them that acid is okay because it’s not as bad as these other drugs they are using...

 

I agree - sex for money is not consent in the true sense. It's like sex for drugs. An agreement to sex in return for money/drugs etc is not consensual sense. It is a form of coercion. If the prostitute did not need the money/drugs there is no way she would consent to sex. This is why it is seen as a form of rape by many people. A book called 'Pimp State' expands upon this and is well worth a read.
A person who uses [yes, 'uses'] prostitutes is a parasite on someone else's difficult circumstances. Such a person is exploitative.