Feelin loneliness

Sorry to hear that and thank you for being honest and sharing your deepest emotions and thoughts. Depression is a bitch and it's going to tell you lies about yourself, tells you that you are nothing and can't do anything. Don't buy into it though.

I don't know where you live, if it is in a small city or huge town but you need to get out there and start doing things. Start a new sports, join a group in your city (be it board games, books, church) to meet new people and put the focus away from you to others. The best medicine for depression in my experience is as contradictory as it sounds, be a help to others. You will find joy in that, you start thinking about how you can brighten up another persons day just a little and they will realize that too.

Don't think that you need somebody though to get out of your situation. I believe that you have the power and the opportunities to start reparing yourself now. You realised that there is something wrong and you registered on this page to become a better person and that is the first step towards a better life. You managed to do that first step and I am sure that you can do the other steps as well. Of course, there is nothing wrong with help. Connect with others who are in similiar situations and get it off your chest. Or just write everything down here and people will listen and try to help

Now to some more personal beliefes of mine. If you don't want to read anything about God just ignore the next few lines.
I have been in a rough spot in my life as well that's when I started to cry out for help like you. That's when I started to really believe in God, as he has helped me to overcome and leave all the stuff behind me. Of course, it's not perfect... I am still fighting with PMO and have my moments but it has become alot more bearable and as you wrote:

I have found that person in form of God who has given me strenght and healed me, taking me as for who I was during that time.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strenghten you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand." Isaiah 41:10

You can do it man, just don't give up and know that in some years, months or even days your whole life can turn around

 

Hey Nova,
Sorry to hear you have so many dark thoughts about yourself and your life ...
I understand where they come from though. It is important that you break the negative spiral your mind is in, for it will get darker and darker if you let it.
What's happening is not your fault, so it is very important that you don't blame yourself with feelings of guilt, self pitty, wortlessness, hate , anger, sarcasm, and plenty more of non-healthy thoughts.
Be kind to yourself and begin with trying to enjoy the little things in life that are nice, like a happy dog in the street, or a nice walk in a parc on a sunny day, a good movie,...
You have as much right to be happy as anybody, you're not bad or worthless, you just have some problems, like we all do here (and every human in some way).
How bad it feels now, you can come out of this if you try to think positive about things -i know how that sounds now for you- but trust me, it is the best and fastest (and only i'm afraid)
way to go uphill and stop the pain and loneliness.
People here will help you, so, you're not alone in this, just reach out , ask, talk, ventilate your feelings and fears, talking will relieve your mind and you'll see you're not alone.
Irl you should make friends offcourse, but untill you feel strong enough to do that, you can find helping people here, i promise you, just reach out for it.
Stay strong and lots of courage !

 

You can only help yourself. I am seconday but I pray to god to bless you.

 

Hey Nova,
Even if they block it for you, you will always see temptations everywhere... Try hard to do no-PMO for about 90 days. Around day 40 the proteïne deltafosB will diminish in your brain
(reward center) and then the brain rewires itself and you are on the way to recovery.
On this website you'll find plenty of information to guide you.

Your Brain on Porn: How Internet Porn Affects the Brain (2015)
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series

Look at the 50+ points list of 2525 (moderator and cool guy), it will help you a lot i'm sure !

Rebooting is a fight, but you can win this if you persist, stay strong !
If you still have questions, just ask !