Feeling frustrated

It sounds like you are blaming your wife for your addiction. The fact of the matter is that whether she is high drive or low drive you would more than likely still be addicted. Your addiction has to do with matters much deeper than missing intimacy with your wife.

 

Sounds like she is finding it very hard to forgive you and move on.
Both of you should watch the Betrayal Trauma video that annonymousanna posted on here a little while ago . It really hwlped me to realise that berating and shredding my SO for what he had done - making him feel guilty and ashamed just isnt helping at all. He already feels guilty and ashamed.
I have a long way to go with my SO he is still in denial.
Maybe instead of searching for intimacy isnt the best step.
Rebuilding trust is the most important thing - needing to feel like your desire is truthful and genuine.
Well done for trying so hard - wish my SO would!
Btw I have a high sex drive and my SO stiĺl has this addiction, dont think the sex drive is the real problem.

Search for 'Betrayal trauma' in the titles only section, might help her to forgive you

 

I'm a little concerned that you don't sound very committed to quitting porn. It's one thing to quit because your wife is hounding you and another to quit because you recognize that its the right thing to do. Would you be looking at porn if you didn't fear getting caught?

Obviously you did the wrong thing looking at porn - but it's also wrong for your wife to withhold intimacy from you. It's hard to say from reading one post, but it sounds to me like she's got some issues beyond your looking at porn.

I hope you guys can work it out, it sounds as if you both have some work to do.

 

Have you been open and honest about what is appealing to you about porn? Perhaos she wants more of an explanation than 'I chose to' or 'I liked it'. Explain what you did like about porn, but why it will never be as good as her. Also, if her low drive/infrequency of aex with your wife bothers you, you must communicate this. Try not to come across as though you are pressurising her for sex or being demanding and expectant, but make it clear that once a month isnt enough and you were supplementing your sex life with porn. It is important for you to accept, however, that if your wife takes a while to seduce and excite to the point that sex is appealing to her, you have likely chosen porn out of convenience or laziness at least some of the time. If your wife suspected this, and was hurt by it, she may have been avoiding sexual situations as they could trigger or upset her, making it hard to get in the mood. If you are open and honest about wanting her, then she will appreciate the honesty and feel more desired. Ask if she is really happy with your sex life and how she might want it to be improved.

Try to be more open about why you watched porn, and try to request increased openness from here about why she does not seem to want sexbwith you more often. You may be pleasantly surprised to find that she wants more sex, just as you do, but that something changeable about your behaviour was getting in the way. Maybe you come on to strong and toobquickly, then give up, making her feel overwhelmed and then rejected when you lose interest. Maybe she really likes it when you go down on her but is too self conscious or embarrassed to request that, and struggles to get turned on by different means. Perhaps she will never want more sex, but would be happy to find a compromise where she helps you to meet your own needs and satisfy your sexual urges without the need for her to be fully turned on. Perhaps upon trying this, she will find herself more excited in the moment.

Focus on being understood and on being understanding. Be fully honest and make her feelings a priority.

Good luck.

 

So sorry to read about this. My wife too is not interested in sex and I used PMO to compensate perhaps. We do have a loving relationship though and we do kiss. It is difficult. Should I be celibate?

 

You guys should try taking the 5 LOve language quiz. maybe you arent communicating correctly to one another either. it can help open your eyes as to why a certain response "isn't enough".

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/