I'm starting to think PMO isn't the main issue... (ADVICE REQUESTED)

Just like our addiction to porn, with pot we just have to suffer through the withdrawals. I think a lot of us hold on to our "vices" far too long because the pain of quitting is too much for us. I feel this way about fappping.
Even though I can proudly stay away from watching new porn. Fapping away to the old pornstars buried in my brain is too comfortable. I also fear rejection, the pain from a love lost sent me on a 20 year spiral.....We just gotta learn to tuff it out! There is no "less difficult" way to recovery.

 

Physical causes aside, maybe one thing you need to ask yourself is: what is my life philosophy? What kind of values and beliefs do I hold onto strongly? What drives me?

We all need motivation and drive in life, so maybe some stock taking of your personality is needed.

 

No. I wouldn't be as open with a life coach.

 

First off, I just want to say you are brave and courageous for coming forward and saying you're struggling. It's half the battle. My recommendation is see a counselor or psychiatrist. I don't know a whole lot about depression but I see a couple things that you noted in your "symptoms" that make me think depression. It's okay by the way, everyone gets some sadness and hopelessness at times. It is important however to seek a professional just to make sure it is not a more serious depressive disorder. If it is, professionals can help with therapy in a very confidential way. I've personally seen a counselor in the past and it was great.

 

I am happy you found the book useful, it has definately help me with my distorted view if my self-worth. I'll keep an eye on thay thread you created. I am currently like 60% into the book myself. Far from all the chapters so far have been as groundbreaking as the first few chapters, mostly because many of the later chapters talks about problems I do not have. Still interesting to read though!

 

See your doctor. There is more going on when you think there is more. You also have a good grasp of your symptoms. Discuss them with a doctor, and if your doctor doesn’t help go to another doctor for a second look.
I’m not a doctor, but your doctor should do blood tests and other tests to make a diagnosis.
The one thing that you can be sure about is that you should not be feeling the way you feel.

 

NoFap isn't a magic pill. NoFap will help you remove the negatives that PMO have contributed to your life - but that's all it'll do. It isn't going to make you superhuman. It isn't going to improve your fitness. It isn't going to improve your diet. It isn't going to make you earn more money. It isn't going to make you happy.

NoFap is just one of a whole variety of healthy habits that should be parts of your life. I think some people here are guilty of seeing NoFap almost like a religious pursuit, like the "one thing" that's going to fix all other areas of their life. That's not what NoFap is. If you focus solely on NoFap and not enough on everything else, then you won't see the progress you want to see. NoFap is a catalyst, and one of many things that you should do, but it shouldn't be your sole focus.

I have a suggestion for you. Try and purchase some high dose vitamin B6 (the 50mg pills - don't buy the lower dosed 1-2mg pills), and try to start taking 100mg a day. At high doses B6 helps your body produce dopamine, and so will likely relieve a couple of your symptoms, namely:

These two things scream problems with dopamine, since dopamine is what makes things feel interesting and exciting - and through desensitising yourself to dopamine's effects, you get the exact two effects you just described.

Porn is one contributing factor to dopamine desensitisation, but there are many others too: Excessive video games or time on the computer, excessive TV, drugs (including alcohol and nicotine), excessive gambling, etc. So if you have any of those other factors in your life, it's time to cut down. B6 should help a lot though with your recovery. I don't think I've found any other vitamin or supplement as helpful as high dose B6 has been for me. It's wonderful. You really feel the difference very quickly.

My next suggestion is to go and get a blood test. Your symptoms could be the result of too much porn, too much computer use, etc.. Or, they could be the symptom of other issues: Low testosterone, thyroid problems, or a whole number of other problems could present themselves with symptoms like yours. A blood test will help you find out if there's anything wrong that needs treating - and if there isn't, it'll give you peace of mind which in itself will reduce some of your symptoms.

Edit: Oops, I didn't notice you said you've already done this. That said, be sure to check that the blood tests you had did test for all the different things out there. i.e. if you didn't get thyroid hormones tested, do those. If you didn't get testosterone/prolactin/estradiol/etc tested, do those.

The next thing I suggest is to start meditating if you aren't already. I think meditation is probably the #1 factor contributing to how I went from depressed and not wanting to live, to the happiest I've ever been in just under 3 years.

 

This is normal. Congrats, unlike most porn addicts who have numbed themselves, you are actually regaining some of your emotions. You feel, you are human, dust yourself off and carry on.

I don't think its anything, maybe its time to reignite your purpose. If you don't have one, its time to come up with one.

 

Exercise
Healthy eating
Healthy sleeping
Vitamins
Enough water
Body awareness - relaxation and deep breathing
Meditation

These have helped my depression more than any therapist I have ever worked with.

I wish you a speedy recovery