Just Venting ... Might babble

So I have come a long way with self-improvement. I used to think taking on nofap I would reap all these great benefits. Now I realise that nofap is just stopping self-medicating.
For me, (by the age of 20) the medication was for stress, anxiety and emotions that I could not deal with (challenges I still face).

Pmo has been a problem since I was 12. I have realised that sometime between now and then, my brain learned that this thing that I had found (pmo), could make me feel better.
Since committing to quitting pmo, I have relapsed countless times, and I have been through so many ups and downs and emotions I have felt that I couldn't handle (many have led to relapse). This includes anxiety, panic attacks and depression.
Knowing that this is 'all part of nofap, and it will all go away' isn't enough.
The fact of the matter is we have to face it all.
Face all that we avoid, face it when we feel lonely, face it when we feel shame, face it when you've done everything right and everything falls apart. One thing that I have realised is that I can literally be feeling a bit uncertain or uneasy about things and it often turns into a war between me and my brain to not fucking relapse.

Learning to deal with life and taking action on the things I believe is the way I've been doing stuff. This learning to deal with life is literally how rewiring the brain works, it's steady progress (and extremely difficult to learn) but we'll develop new coping mechanisms that aren't pmo.

 

I suppose it used to be like that when I first decided to quit around 8 months ago. However now urges are much fewer and far between.
For me now, a relapse is a result of states of mind like loneliness, uncertainty, anxiousness etc... and when these feelings aren't dealt with by me, for example... Say I wake up and have nothing to do, I sit around, watch tele, eat some unhealthy food, start dwelling on problems... here I would be at risk of a relapse and I may battle with the idea of relapsing at the time, however now I'm starting to see that I would be feeling lonely, starting to see that I want to be out yet I'm doing nothing about it.
So I need to develop my self-awareness particularly in vulnerable situations.