Perseverance-Day 213 What now?

We're all born alone without a single rag to cover our infant bodies. What we do from the moment we are able to generate coherent ideas defines what makes you, you. You have all the power in yourself, but how much you use of it is ultimately your choice.

I'm 213 days in, Tough struggle physically at first, then mentally halfway in, then both on and off. I've accomplished a great deal, looked into self help and attracted two amazing girls who professed their love to me in many ways.

Yesterday the latest girl left me, despite being completely armed with an arsenal of tools on how to have a good relationship (Youtube and books). With the help of nofap I was extra motivated to pursue a relationship and the help of the resources mentioned above helped me fine tune my approach so I would not commit the same mistake I did with the 20 or so past girls. I finally had my sh*t together. Or so I thought until I botched things with this amazing 10 girl who just did it all for me.

Part of the problem was out of my control... I had trust issues despite things going really swell. Trust issues without explanation stem from childhood trauma, just an FYI for those who may be going through a similar thing. With trust issues comes a need to feel bonding, which makes the victim look for unhealthy ways of sex/pmo and a constant abuse of alcohol/drugs. I suffered of all that but despite defeating each ailment one by one, I eventually found the hidden enemy: Trust issues.

Though I remedied things, the damage was done and eventually she could not continue as she was afraid of being open due to my initial reaction to the triggering problem. We had a long painful talk, and I decided that being just friends was not enough, I would rather walk away (Corey Wayne). It hurt even though initially I got into it for the experience: I grew attached and she was just stunning like a goddess (I kept my cool) but yeah she really did it for me plus she had an amazing attitude. But I digress, I had to pick myself up and move on.

I am still a winner: I have not PMO'd and thus still have my superpowers if you will, I'm just a tad bit depressed. After so many years I have finally discovered a new enemy: Trust issues. It's been a long and painful walk, looking at all the stuff I could have avoided if I started this journey sooner, had a healthy family, and just had a better spawn if you will.

But you also have to look at life in a positive way, think about it: When you hack a game and it becomes TOO easy, you get bored and never pick it up again. Struggles is what makes life interesting, the downfall of a hero who is drenched in water with a bloody blade who must climb the mountain of life once again and hopefully this time succeed. A fallen hero who must get up and defeat the adversities that lie ahead in his path to the top. That is a story worth telling in my opinion.

My shield is my knowledge of relationships, allowing me to block potential hits, My sword is nofap as it enables me to have something to strike with and upon looking at it I get morale. My armor is my pain for which I have collectively put together: My failures for a helmet, The sexual mistakes as my boots, My mental issues as my chestplate, and my failed relationships as my leg armors. I'm a scavenger and everything and anything that may remotely be useful I will use. As all these failures protect me and I embrace them, I will persevere in this journey that Nofap has enabled me to pursue.

Now I find myself once again at the bottom of the mountain. I was literally given a choice to masturbate and go home. No. I may have lost everyone who once followed me and supported me, claiming unmovable loyalty only to take from me and leave me in the cold harsh winter. I may have lost the warmth of a special person who also swore to never abandon me no matter the circumstances, and I may be in a financial sh*thole. I am very well aware of where I am now.

I will pick myself up, pick my dirty muddy sword up. I will collect my cracked shield. I will adjust my armor back to it's original position. I was nearly there, I nearly reached the top. I was higher than my previous attempt which was an improvement from. Every day we are getting just a bit better, or a lot better but we are getting there. This is what Nofap is all about: Perseverance and sticking to YOUR GUNS. Be disciplined, do not give an inch.

As for me, I may have nothing, just memories of achieving new heights and the sour taste of the downfall. But I have a plan in motion to meet girls, work harder to make ends meet, and continue immersing myself in help and resources to keep upgrading myself just a bit more each day. We can't quit, I will not quit. As hard as it is and as much as I want to lose tears and throw the towel and give up and just accept minimal or no happiness, I will not.

We were born to experience ultimate happiness, whatever that is to YOU. Whether it be financially, relationships, hobbies, you name it. It is your right to have what you want, and when you want it. You are entitled to the world so as long as you share with others and let other share with your happiness.

 

Exactly, You discover more about yourself and just begin mass upgrading, getting an inch sharper at everything

 

Thank you very much sir!

 

She actually just snapped me about some random snow, I quickly capitalized and made a date

Part of the strategy was to walk away and never look back. no begging and no crying just embrace the mistake and move on. She saw that I was willing to pick my broken self up and keep pushing and well here we are now

 

I don't want to give up, every day I beat I dance over it's dead body as I keep killing PMO. I just love the taste of victory

As for relationships, it's in my subconscious trauma, it's a different mind battle that I have to beat nevertheless thank you for your advice

And personally I always celebrate with a chilly beer and a rack of ribs, a side of my favorite BBQ Potato salad and some cornbread

 

Haha hmmm well in that case if I'm full already I like to take the day off (Work two jobs) and just treat myself to my own hobbies.

If that fails I start up like 20 conversations with old friends, just give them a what's up and a surprise to make their day better you know, break them from the mechanical habit of the world.

 

Update: I have dropped the lady from my life after she flaked on me.

Feel pretty beat down, but at the same time another one is willing to go out with me and see where things go.

Never give up guys! Keep searching and searching. Go through all the nos to get to the yes!

 

Thank you sir, I will reach 300 and beyond