How to Engage Women

I joined a meet-up group that organized itself around reading history books. Believe me, apart from a brief period in my late twenties, I've never been successful at engaging women. But the organizer expressed interest in me, and we actually have had good conversations about books. From there we talked about work, relatives, etc. I was self-conscious and uneasy and actually turned down an invitation she once extended to meet her at an event because of my own neuroses (which PMO has contributed to) but the last conversation I had with her went surprisingly well. I don't know if I'm romantically attracted to her, but the experience helped increase my confidence. Are there meet-up groups in your area you can look into?

 

I few years ago I wrote a post specifically about this issue, which I suffered too.

You just have to start thinking of the different ideas that are shared in a conversation as threads you can expand. It is super simple, you just have to practice it a bit.

Now I can literally have interesting conversations for hours.

Let me know how it goes.

 

My bad, I corrected it.

Here it is again.

Let me know if you have questions.

 

Imho engaging women is never a goal.
Do things you like to do. Be yourself.
Then the meetings with women will occur naturally.

I 've stopped stressing about who to contact women.
I just do my thing, go to work, go to church, go to the supermarket, hang around, do some walking....
If there is a contact with some girl, well... nice.
If nothings happens, well... nice.

 

I actually agree with you, but that ends up being a life choice.

If your life choice is a more socially active life and especially varied relationships with women, then you have to take the initiative.

 

I hope that you can find something. It seems it is easier to bond with people generally when the focus is on a shared project and not on any one person. Also, women tend to be attracted to a man who demonstrates competence in a project, especially one that he leads. I've been watching dating guru David DeAngelo's videos, and he says that the best thing a man can do to attract a woman is to have a passion for something. I think he claims a little too much for this, but I think that it's certainly a big part of attraction.

 

Opposite problem here. I can talk about anything and engage in a great conversation. I just don't have the balls to approach a girl nor start a conversation with one. Will slowly work on it. I'm glad that after this long streak I am on currently, I have a deeper voice and rarely stutter anymore.

 

That's it.

 

Maybe I'm misunderstanding you.

If your goal is to find "regular" girls (or even "regular people" for that matter) to engage in profound or rare topics, then IMHO that is an issue in and of itself.

I get that because you say:

Some topics are just dry as is.

IF you are interested, you could try improving your communication skills at all levels, by improving your non verbal language, and driving your points home with intrigue, mystery and emotion. You could also read books like Made to Stick.

But you can milk ideas to an extent.

You just can't make a girl horny by talking (even talking passionately) about the last presidential debate. And you cannot engage people (and women you are attracted to) just because you like the topics.

I'm an engineer and I know, after years of experience that I cannot talk about engines and optimizing a production plant just because I like it. Actually, maybe I can share interesting ideas about it, and pique someone's interest with curious details, but that can't drive a whole conversation. If I want to talk about that, I talk to specific friends.

I'm not saying there aren't people (and women) who don't like the same things as you do. I'm saying you have to know your audience. I could bitch about how dumb most people are, or I could just go find brilliant geniuses elsewhere.

 

Perhaps change your mentality a bit. Rather than fretting so much about engaging/impressing a woman, focus the conversation more on her. Make assumptions about her - appearance, where shes from, what she does etc. Allow her to invest in the conversation.

But still, its important that you have your own passions and principles and are not afraid to express them with women. NEVER try to change yourself, your opinions etc just to please a woman. Its also important that you dont filter yourself. Just say whatever is on your mind.

I should also note that silences are actually ok time to time. Dont feel the need to fill in silences all the time.