I have to start PMO again. What do you think?

I started a thread 44 days ago where I talked about my first NoFap attempt and now I want to quit and I will tell you why. First of all my life is shit and I am depressed if you do like know more just click on my journal and try to see for yourself.

I am suicidal sometimes but I am still here and I want to stay for a bit longer but since I started NoFap I can not do anything, it is my life 24/7 I can not concentrate and I was avoiding stress to keep going longer but tomorrow I will start working towards my goals again and not Oing is killing me, I can not do shit... either I do it or I won't be able to move on with my life.

The only reason why I started to "work" on a youtube channel was because I was comfortable and preferred to be alone, it was because I was a creep that needed no one and felt like "fuck people I will talk about my freaky stuff because I love it". Now I kind of want to go out and talk to people so sitting down and working on my lonely dream feels like death, I am between a rock and a hard place.

Do you guys think I should focus on something that can give me money and is the only thing I can do or I should keep going on NoFap? I can not do both they need two different types of people and NoFap is making me someone that dreads loneliness instead of embracing it and write scripts at 5 am.

PS: I can not get a normal job and even if I could it would limit my dreams. It still is my dream to be an youtuber (I have 7k subs) but to put on the work I need to choose. I hope you understand what I am saying and that this is not an excuse but what is inside my heart, I could not be more honest than I was in this post.

 

It is more of a inside type of thing, I do voiceovers while reading a script that I wrote and has a lot of dense information about a topic I love talking about and yes I do get monetize it is not much yet because of my country's CPM but it looks promising and I get butterflies when I think about it. Thank you for your words but I am sorry this is not an excuse I really, really wish it was just me pussying out again but this is different.

 

Thank you man, much love.

 

Sometimes I love life but most of it I think life hates me haha the funny thing is that I still think I have a chance

 

The first 20 days were a nightmare but I think this do not mean I lost if I make my decison it will be a with the mind of a new man this community and everything I learned here will not be forgotten. Thank you (everytime I write "thank you" I really mean it, it is so weird how good you can be to someone like me).

 

Thanks sir I will try