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Should you have a girlfriend when you have no close friends?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by sombrero23, Nov 10, 2017.

  1. sombrero23

    sombrero23 Fapstronaut

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    So I've been on my NoFap for more than a month now, and honestly I feel this dire need to seek a closer contact with a girl. The main thing that puts me off, is that I don't really have any close male friends right now. Just acquaintances from high school, but I don't meet with them regularly out of school. And because of that, I feel anxious that if I had a girlfriend, the fact of not having any close friends would make me less attractive.

    What do you think about it?
     
  2. Scared Human

    Scared Human Fapstronaut

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    that's just silly.

    I need help understanding why not having any friends would put you off from connecting with a girl. The beautiful part about it is that it's just you and the person you want. Nothing else and nobody matters at that moment.

    Now whether it would be easier to meet people or not if you have no friends is debatable, but that shouldn't put you off from trying and approaching girls you find interesting. It's a one-on-one affair. This isn't high school anymore, man.

    For me personally, I'm super introverted and at this point, I'm a bit indifferent about having friends. It'd be nice to have but it's not like that's the reason I cry myself to sleep :), but I also feel a dire need to be with a girl, and you know what that's called? Being a human! That's you telling yourself to go chase some girls!
     
    Peter Ghantous and vibemaker like this.
  3. sombrero23

    sombrero23 Fapstronaut

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    @Scared Human
    Yeah, I know it may sound silly, but hear me out. I see a lot of guys going with their girlfriends on parties with their common friends, and I'm afraid that my would-be girlfriend would expect this from me too, and I'm currently not able to provide that. I've been to perhaps 3 or 4 parties in the past half year. I'm also anxious about being perceived as a recluse or something like that.
     
  4. Scared Human

    Scared Human Fapstronaut

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    If you not being able to go take a her to parties is a deal breaker for a girl, she probably isn't the right girl. Unless those kind of girls are your type, if so, then idk man. Honestly you're worrying about problems that don't even exist yet. You first need to get a girlfriend that likes you for who you are. Not based on what the ability to do what other people are doing.

    That's something you're gonna have to get over. I guarantee you that nobody cares. And also you go to parties. How can you be a recluse?

    Also how tf do you get invited to parties if you have no friends? Seriously, I have no friends and I've never gone to/been invited to a party and I really don't get how I could go to one. It's not like I think parties are the coolest thing ever, but I'd like to at least experience one, talk to people, observe the antic
     
  5. sombrero23

    sombrero23 Fapstronaut

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    I think you're right, I'm probably overthinking all of this. This anxiety is taking it's toll though ;_;
     
    EddyFriend likes this.
  6. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    I'm in the same situation. I'm not worried about being perceived as unattractive though. I really want to have a girlfriend; I think that would be a lot more beneficial to me than regular friends right now. Working towards having both though.
     
    vibemaker and HipPete like this.
  7. People come and go in life. As a result of that I come across as a loner but I used to talk with plenty of people in school. After graduating they've gone elsewhere and I've gone no where. This leads them to getting new friends with new people and for me to find my imagination. It's a lonely life for me (Jay-Z reference).

    This leaves me not really caring about relationships with others unless if I enjoy them. But it's important to know that with the next breeze they'll be gone.
     
  8. STAR DUST

    STAR DUST Fapstronaut

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    WHEN YOU ARE LUCKY TO FIND A WIFE ONE DAY SHE WILL BECOME YOUR BEST FRIEND AND THAT IS PERFECTLY FINE. NOFAP WILL MAKE YOU PLENTY ATTRACTIVE! JUST BE YOURSELF.
     
    Peter Ghantous likes this.
  9. most of my ex guys i dated them when i didnt have friends even though i felt bad i didn't have a life on my own, no friends to introduce even though i would have wanted that.create chances to have more friends. you shouldn't have more friends to look more alpha male to a potential girl you should it for you. do what makes you feel good :)
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  10. Khufu

    Khufu Fapstronaut

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    i dont really have any friends like 2 maybe 3 but im not a social person i was in this long relationship lasted 5 years i didnt hang out with friends at the time now if i discovered nofap while in the relationship i believe it would have helped me drastically when i was in the relationship i still fapped whenever i was able to be alone , good luck
     
  11. Khufu

    Khufu Fapstronaut

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    but its wise to have a good friend to talk to when having girl problems just make sure its not your mom or grandma you talk to about girl problems they are protective an convince you shes no good for you lol
     
  12. sombrero23

    sombrero23 Fapstronaut

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    Well honestly, I don't know what to think about this again. Some of you say it's completely not important, other say that I should focus on getting a normal friend first. What a world
     
  13. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad you mentioned this topic. I'm somehow in the same situation like you. I'm really longing for a girlfriend probably more than ever right now. I mean with a girl you can have much deeper conversations like with most guys (at least the most I met in real life) and I just enjoy the most activities more with a girl alone than in a group of guys.
    It stopped me a couple of times to approach a girl and makes me feel miserable in general sometimes for being pretty much a loner right now. Most of the time it's more the thought of be seen as weird or a loser than the lonliness itself that makes me feel shitty. I enjoy alone time very much. I also like to be with people. It depends. I think it's just what we learn from media and stuff.

    I think we 'loners' are very strong people. I think a lot of men who are very 'successful' to girls are lone wolfs. It might be a cliche, but think of all the lonley writers, artists who get a lot of girls. We 'loners' are deep thinkers. And girls like deep thinkers.

    We just need to get over this highschool time trauma, where the loudest and biggest douchebag with the biggest fanbase gets the girl.
     
  14. youliveyoulearn

    youliveyoulearn Fapstronaut

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    My gf was my confident for 1.5 years, during my relationship with her I almost lost connections even with my childhood friends, we broke up few months ago but my friends are still there for me even if I don't want to speak with them my problems like I did with my gf.
     
  15. sombrero23

    sombrero23 Fapstronaut

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    @vibemaker
    Well, what you've just written is so damn relatable. The problem is that I'm still at high school, so this "high school drama" as you have it described is still a thing for me. It's just that if I had a girlfriend, I'd want to be able to give her an environment she'd be comfortable in
     
  16. lamstronger

    lamstronger Fapstronaut

    Doubt it would be an issue. But, how can you meet a certain girl, when you don't have any friends? Like, if you had friends who had parties and invited you, you'd be able to meet a certain girl. Without that, how can you really meet someone?
     
  17. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

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    I think if she likes you the environment is not as important.

    One thing I learned and I would do different if I would be in highschool again is to show myself like I am. If you're a sensitive guy show this to girls with confidence. Speak what you think. Don't care too much about what others say (when you continue your streak this will come naturally).
    I always thought girls would like the loud guy, behaving douchy (which might be true for some) so I often acted like this, which was a total failure, because it wasn't authentic. Be authentic.

    And I tell you those guys who act like they're the biggest pimps in front of girls with a lot of their mates around them, you won't believe how insecure they are when they're alone with them. That's my experience. You can sense it when you pay close attention.
     
  18. Well, you opened this topic so people can give out their opinions, right ? People are just sharing what they think is right from their perspective.

    Been into similar situation as you, when i was senior in high school [Was back in 2015] everyone of my classmates or friends i knew had a girlfriend, had tons of female friends and overall friends. And i was pretty much looked as a weirdo because i was a loner. It certainly was bothering me.

    Anyways, my honest advice would be that you don't focus too much about it. You're young and you have plenty of time to get new friends and get into a relationship. Focus on improving yourself as a person, eliminating PMO issue and creating better habits. If you think a girlfriend is what you need, she wont come suddenly and knock on your door, you need to socialize with other people that you like and eventually you might meet a girl that you enjoy company with.

    As for high school drama, trust me it does not matter. I've been through similar stuff. Once you graduate you most likely wont see those people again, and if you do, its not like they will mean much to you.
     
  19. gingeralan

    gingeralan Fapstronaut

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    I think you are making too much of it. If you struggle socially then just get chatting with everyone, if you make a friend, great. If you find a girl and take her on a date, cool.

    I am not totally decided about the whole pick up artist thing, but look at some of the forums, there are done good exercises to get you used to connecting with other people.
     
  20. vxlccm

    vxlccm Fapstronaut

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    Very much agree with all these things, @sombrero23. Especially not being like someone else. Maybe you're not a huge social person on the big scene. So what. Hanging out with a girl you like is priceless. Go for it, and be true to yourself and do the best you can for her. Stay the course here on NoFap, that's your best foundation for everything else!
     

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