Groundhog day

I can't remember the first time i said I'm going to try to quit. I can't remember the first time I wrote down a note saying i'm going to quit. I honestly try. I really do. I'm 34. I still watch porn. It is depressing really. I have a very good job. I look half decent. But watching porn for hours on end have made me look gaunt and sick. I know I could do a lot better in life if I can get over this. But I can't. I live in a foreign land (I'm bound to cross the line - Bob Dylan ) . Living alone, I can't seem to find someone to share my dark secrets. Of course, it feels safer to share here. I know how beautiful it is across the river, but I have to get there. I can't swim, I can't crawl, I can't walk across the river. But i know I have to get there across the river. Else I am dead. I have failed again and again and again . But I have to try again. SO here I go.
I am a porn addict who wants to get across the river.

 

thats a nice way to look at it. you are an inspiration. 14 days. I hope I can emulate you in that regard. i've just finished 1 day and thats a struggle in itself. For me the killer day is 3 days. I can never seem to go past 3 days. I need to . i have to. i have to get across the river. thank you.

 

After reading your comment, i did a google search to see the effects of consuming massive amounts of porn. I can see myself in all of that. I realize how i have completely lost control of reality. I prefer the virtual world as against reality. Even today, the urge was just so strong. I still feel that way. But I have to realize, there is much more to do and enjoy in this world. I can't spend my life enjoying someone else's pleasure. I need to go out in the real world and find myself a woman and happiness in everyday life. Thank you. I'll try harder not to give in. I have to.

 

I know it is scary. 34 and you just can't give up your addiction. today was really tempting though. In fact everyday is a struggle. It is scary how your brain reasons with you trying to get you to give in. Its all those years of giving in, that has released endorphins every time you watch porn. Now it seems like the best option to feel happy is to watch porn. I got to stay on the narrow stretch. I hope you do it too. Like you said, stay in control. Stay strong.

 

arrghhhh .. 3 days and i faltered . i'm not going to bash myself. I'm going to try again. I have to. I am not going to give in. I can't give in. it is sad how repetitive this is. Is there a magic button to control things ? . i almost feel like i have no control. How do I control myself ? oh this is painful. but i'll try again.

 

Thank you. Michael Beets, you are right. Don't use the internet to just browse through. because you always end up somewhere you don't want to. I am going to try doing that. Stop just wasting time.

Personally the hardest for me is .. while on the subway, I'd see a girl really dressed to nines. makes me start to wonder how lovely she'd look beneath all that clothes. I start fantasizing . I turn to porn to satisfy that thirst. That seems to happen more often. I should start to learn to control my thoughts and fantasies. How do I stop these fantasies ? I suppose it is a human nature to look at someone if they are real pretty. the key is , how do I stop that from turning into a sexual fantasy? Any thoughts . I'd appreciate some help.

I also do agree with ichabodcr, sometimes it is as simple as saying 'no'. almost as if talking to that inner voice. The key is to NOT let those dirty thoughts turn into actions. I'll have to try harder , everyday.

Thank you Kogito . I agree with you. But sometimes, it is too hard to say no. Years of addiction have taken its toll. I guess i have to take baby steps to undo years of addiction. I'll try.

I can't thank all of you enough for replying and encouraging. I'll try again.

p:S - I feel guilty not looking through other's posts and helping them out. But i feel like i need to conquer something of myself before I can give advise. So hopefully, after some minor accomplishments i can start offering advice and help others too..

 

thats day 2. Just the beginning. I've got to stay on the straight and narrow. Easier said than done. But I don't have a choice. I have to. Come onnnnnn....

 

Yay . 3 days ... I mean Yay .. you are right, focus on the positives . 18 days ??? that is something to aspire to. .. wait... 110 days ?? 3+ months ?????? You are a star.. Yup.. its all about today. not tomorrow, not the day after, but today ..

thanks guys.. on the straight and narrow. Come onnn ...

 

And day 4. Tomorrow is Day 5 and also Friday. Usually friday nights always end up with me slipping up. I have to find something else to do. Any nice movies anyone would recommend watching ? I like thrillers. something along the likes of The Prisoners (Hugh Jackman movie) . SO if anyone has suggestions, please share.

I can't fail tomorrow. Have to get through day 5 and onto day 6. Come on .... You can do it too SOber34. Yes, you can .. come on ..